Okay...so this is post one of...I am not sure how many. How is that for details? Haha! I know that God wants me to share these stories...but I am wordy. (Shocker!) And I am not sure anyone can handle that many words in just one day. So, keep coming back if you are touched by it. If you know someone else who has gone through similar pain...and they are struggling...send them this way. I have them in mind while I am writing this. God longs for healing. God longs for restored dreams. God longs for you all to find Him forever faithful. God longs for peace in your circumstance.
So, here goes....
Just a few short months after my husband and I eloped on April 18th, 2001 (Yes...our 10th anniversary is TODAY)...we decided to try to have a baby. We conceived very quickly after making our decision. As soon as the positive test came back...we called our doctor. Her secretary said a postive test is always a positive...so we started to share our news. Some of the reactions of our friends and family were priceless. Jumping up and down and screaming. Some...not so much. =/
If my memory is correct...we found out in the beginning of the week that I was pregnant...and by the end I had miscarried. It was too short of a time span to have any testing done to try to figure out the why. And they don't do much until you have lost 3 babies. =( For those people that have never experienced a loss like this...you are blessed. What you may not understand is that from the moment we found out we were going to have a baby...we had already gotten excited. When the life was gone...it felt as though God 'took' the baby from the only two people that had already learned to love him/her. You don't have to understand it...but believe it. Love is instant when it comes to your child. It doesn't take nine months. It takes two little pink lines on a pregnancy test.
Crushed. I was absolutely crushed. So many emotions. All of those people I had told of our good news...and news like that travels FAST...now I had to tell them otherwise. I hated every second of that. I was shocked at how many insensitive people didn't understand that I was a mother in grief. They didn't see me as a mother because I had never held my baby. I think that most people just assume that when they get pregnant...everything will just be fine. Well...that innocent thought pattern was tainted for me. I knew otherwise...and I was about to let it rule me.
So that is part one in my journey. It has to get much worse to get better. I don't even agree with myself in how I used to feel towards my losses. It is just the honesty of what I was dealing with. You see, God knew that I would be able to reach out to people through my writing. He knew that He could use me to aid in the healing of others. So I know that I went through a lot of pain...to show that He is victorious. If this post touches you because of a disappointment you have faced...or are facing...I would love to pray for you. It doesn't have to be about children. Our innocence can be tainted by circumstance in anything. Bitterness and anger can set in. Those are not of God...and they need to be put aside. For we are new creations in Christ. He died for our healing. Take advantage of His suffering for your situation. He did it for YOU my dear friend!
Comment below or give me your email address...and I would love to be a link to your process.
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