If you haven't figured this out by now...let me just be blunt for a moment.
YOU CAN NOT PLAY WITH THE DEVIL AND NOT GET BURNED!
satan is seeking you out with a sly and crafty scheme in mind. And that scheme always comes with a hefty consequence. Not a single person on this earth 'gets away' with doing wrong. The father of lies is throwing bad idea after bad idea at you and convincing you that they are your own. he is strategically placing pitfalls in your path to trip you up every time you are close to revelation. grace. hope. freedom. he is stealing your peace one poor decision at a time.
You see...he loathes us because he is terrified of the unmatched potential that God has placed within us. he can't compete with God's character in us. As followers of Christ...we get what he once had...and he is being an absolute baby about it. he is well aware of his future. he chose it. he also knows that his days are numbered...and rapidly coming to an end.
When Christians fall/walk away from their relationship with God; it doesn't always look the same. It very well may look like we tend to picture it. A hurting heart turned to sex, drugs/alcohol, foul language, visibly corrupt morals seemingly without a conscience. All of that may be true for some. Sometimes though....sometimes I'd bet that for Christians, falling away from our relationship with God isn't quite so obvious. It's gradual. Sometimes I believe it just looks like apathy. Some days it is just being busy without purpose, and not caring enough to change it. Some days it is just a refusal to admit how far you've slid.
James 4:17 states it simple and clear for us. "Therefore, to him who knows to do good and does not do it, to him it is sin."
Ouch! I know that verse might sting a bit. Do not let the enemy shame you into the darkness! Let the Light of Truth shine bright so that darkness must FLEE in Jesus Powerful Name! The Truth found in God's Word does not change. It does not move. It does not cower. Those are traits of the evil one...not of the Holy One.
If you are lacking spiritual energy, think hard about how often and how consistently you feed your spirit. If you go from Sunday to Sunday before you are fed again, soon you will become critically unhealthy. Lethargic. You'll feel as though you can handle anything this world throws at you at noon on Sunday....and by Tuesday (or before) you'll be throwing in the towel.
We must remember to Feed. Our. Spirit. Daily. (at minimum!!)
Going without nourishment leaves us tired, weak (and most likely irritable).
I would love to rejoice at your repentance! You DO NOT have to tell me the what...but I would love to hear if God woke you up today. I would love to celebrate your freedom from the grasp of the devil. I would love to shout praise to the King above all kings!
Right now. This day. If there are things that God has been asking you to recognize for what they are...look up. Look at the darkened and unclear path you are on. Would God send you where you are? If He wouldn't, He didn't. It is going to take a plan to change lanes. The enemy is not going to make it seem easy...but don't sell yourself short. Keep your peace as the prize. It is waiting right there in the Light! Today, you can be FREE AT LAST!!!!!