Tears of Worship

Emotions.  They are soooo often misunderstood.  There is always something that lies beneath them. Something unsaid. 

There are people who fake them.
There are people who refuse them.
There are people who can't escape them.
And there is every dynamic in between.

If you know me, you most likely know that I am an emotional person.  Surprisingly, I can reign it in when God equips me to do so for a specific purpose. Most of the time though...my compassion for the struggles of others, forms in a single stream down the front of my face.  It often catches people by surprise.  Almost as if they aren't expecting someone to feel with them.

Some may view my emotional response(s) as a weakness...and I am actually okay with that.  You see, I know Who God designed me to reflect.  I know that when I prayed that God would break my heart for what breaks His...He did. (Click here if you would like to read about how embarrassingly LONG it took me to realize that He had answered that prayer I prayed back in 2009.)

What I want to try to explain today, is why so often I shed tears during times of both personal and corporate worship.  I am sure...because the enemy is always lurking...that my tears are also misunderstood.  I can not speak for everyone, so I will only speak for myself.  For me, the days that I lose it emotionally in worship, is usually for one of three reasons.

#1- God is revealing and dealing with the deepest wounds within my heart.
When all of the other voices that have been competing for my attention are silenced...God speaks up.  And some days, that is the exact moment that my healing begins.  The Truth is non-negotiable and evident beyond human explanation.  It is those days that it takes all that I have to worship my King through the song He has prepared for me to lead...before I crumble in thankful adoration.

#2- I am warring (as in spiritual warfare warring against the powers of darkness) in prayer for someone I love.
I could have said I am praying for someone I love...but during times of corporate worship, when I am surrounded by angel armies, it is so much more fierce than that.  It is a refusal to bow down to the author of lies.  It is a standing firm on the promises of the Word for those who are being deceived.  It is an intense focus on the one and only God who can speak to this mountain and command it to move.  It is aggressive and it is intense, because I know that freedom came with a price that we did not have to pay.  

#3- I am suddenly flooded with examples of God's never-ending supply of Grace, Provision, Faithfulness, Favor....and I can not help but to be humbly grateful.
I do not deserve God's Grace, because I don't always extend to others what I expect from Him.
I do not deserve God's Provision, because I don't always invite Him into the plans for it.
I do not deserve God's Faithfulness, because I fail.  So. Many. Days...I fail Him.
I do not deserve God's Favor, because I don't always seek out His Truth for my days.
When you get a handle on the reality of what you do and do not deserve...it has a tendency to wreck you. We deserve to pay for our wrongs.  We deserve to suffer as a result of our poor choices.  We deserve death as the cost for our sins.
Grace revealed.  It is a beautiful act of love without condition.

Just about any given Sunday you can find me next to my absolute favorite worship leader.  My husband.  God has given Him an obvious gift and responsibility to lead a congregation in corporate worship.  While he doesn't usually display his emotions in an evident way...it is still visable when God is working on his heart.  He gives a testimony and God's heart is heard.  He prays and God's Words pierce through the walls in people's hearts.  His emotional response is genuine to him just as mine is to me.  I wouldn't want it any other way.  I would not want to stand and war in worship beside any other person in this world.

Psalm 30 says...

"I will exalt you, Lord,

for you lifted me out of the depths

and did not let my enemies gloat over me.

Lord my God, I called to you for help,

and you healed me.

You, Lord, brought me up from the realm of the dead;

you spared me from going down to the pit.

Sing the praises of the Lord, you his faithful people;

praise his holy name.

For his anger lasts only a moment,

but his favor lasts a lifetime;

weeping may stay for the night,

but rejoicing comes in the morning.

When I felt secure, I said,

“I will never be shaken.”

Lord, when you favored me,

you made my royal mountain stand firm;

but when you hid your face,

I was dismayed.

To you, Lord, I called;

to the Lord I cried for mercy:

“What is gained if I am silenced,

if I go down to the pit?

Will the dust praise you?

Will it proclaim your faithfulness?

Hear, Lord, and be merciful to me;

Lord, be my help.”

You turned my wailing into dancing;

you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,

that my heart may sing your praises and not be silent.

Lord my God, I will praise you forever."

Worship is my weapon.
Worship fuels my fight.
Worship clears my heart of the nonsense that the deceiver has cast on me.
Worship is never about the singer and forever about the Savior.
All to Him I owe.
If tears fall when I finally lay my burdens down...it is not an emotion that I am chasing after.  It is the response to what God is doing in me that I can not hide; nor would I want to.  I am well aware that Christ has paid a price that I never could and I can not be silent anymore.