As I told you in Part Six of this ‘Journey Through Pregnancies’ series…I was really excited to be able to write this post. God gave it to me a few weeks ago…and I have been itching to share it ever since. You too could write a post just like this one. Feel free to write it and send it to me. (I would actually really really love that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How many exclamations will it take for someone to actually do what I have asked. I will let you know…=) ))
Here is my question…What would like to hear your Father in Heaven say to you when you get there?
Here is my response…
“Welcome my dear daughter…you have done well for my Kingdom. Come inside and meet the people who’s lives you changed for eternity. Dine with them. Reminisce with them. Hear their story from glory to glory. But first…you have three beautiful children that are anxious to meet you. They are so excited to have you here. They have been a delight to Me…and now they are yours to love as well. Two sons and a daughter…perfect in every way. I revealed their gender to you while you were still on earth, when your son, Aiden, was young. That was for your encouragement. That was part of Aiden’s testimony. I began a mighty work in him at a young age.
I am overjoyed to have you here. While you were on earth, I gave you a voice to sing, and you blessed My Name with it. Now you must come sing with my choir of angels. You will fit right in. I also gave you a passion for writing and you used it for My Glory. The writings I whispered to you will have everlasting effects. You will meet each person who made a decision. A commitment. And renewed their spark for My Presence to become more real to them through Our writing. Writing leaves behind proof. Writing leaves behind promises. Writing leaves behind a legacy never to be repeated. You fulfilled your purpose to encourage others with Words of Life. You have made Me a proud Father.
I have seen you with your children on earth. I have seen their beginning and their end…and I am not at all disappointed. You taught them well. You led by example. You were willing to admit your shortcomings and change them. You were a mother like Jesus’. Compassionate and nourturing. Loving and forgiving. Meek and strong. Your children serve me well because I entrusted them to a family who sought Me for wisdom. They will all be here to join you before you know it.
Welcome to your new Home beloved! Come worship with your brothers and sisters in Christ. Come run and dance with your children. Come laugh with your grandpa. Come bathe yourself in My Presence. Today is the first day of your eternity with Me. You will never again find yourself in need or want of anything. You accepted my Son, and I freely accept you. Run to me and hug me tight. I love the way you hug! After all…I designed it.=) I loved the hell out you (literally) and Heaven welcomes you!”
What would your response look like? I would love to see it. Read it. Hear it. Please let me rejoice with you for how fearfully and wonderfully God designed you. You are unique. Unlike any other in history or yet to come. Showing God off to believers who understand is an encouragement. To see people used exactly as they were created to be…is amazing. If you find yourself jealous of anyone…remember who you are. A follower of Christ. Deserving of death…but given Life Eternally. Praise Him for who you are! That is step one to walking in His calling for you!! I long to pray for you.
Love ya…mean it! ;)
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
satan’s Scheme…Unveiled, Uncovered, & Defeated!
Notice I do not dignify the enemy with proper capitalization. It makes me happy to know that I don’t even respect him enough as a being to write his name correctly. (And since writing is wired into me…that makes the nerd in me smile.) I realize it is silly. Some may say stupid. But I will stick it to him offend him, whenever I can, since he seems to love to do that to me. =) On the other hand…when I refer to God in any form…I ALWAYS show my respect for Him. See? I even capitalize when I am referring to Him as ‘Him’. Now that I have gotten that out of the way…I can tell how much you care…I can proceed with the point of this post.
My husband and I are reading “The Bait of satan” right now. I am only on chapter 3 because I keep going to back to things I need to reread in the first 2 chapters. Ha-ha! Really though…they are powerful. I don’t want to miss a single nugget of knowledge and revelation into the ways of this enemy I am warring against. So here it is…chapter 2 again. This is what I know someone needs to read today. Know that I love you…so I do all I can to help you succeed! =)
“…agape is the love God sheds abroad in the hearts of His children. It is the same love Jesus gives freely to us. It is unconditional. It is not based on performance or even whether it is returned. It is a love that gives even when rejected. Without God we can only love with a selfish love-one that cannot be given if it is not received and returned. However, agape loves regardless of the response. This agape is the love Jesus shed when He forgave from the cross.”
Have you ever felt like having this conversation with God? (The following is again from the book listed above.)
“I have had it. Now You are going to have to talk to me about this. Every time I show Your love to this person, I get anger thrown back in my face!”
The Lord began to speak to me. “John, you need to develop faith in the love of God!”"
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“He who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption,” He explained, “but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life. And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.” (Galatians 6:8-9)
You need to realize that when you sow the love of God, you will reap the love of God. You need to develop faith in this spiritual law-even though you may not harvest it from the field in which you sowed, or as quickly as you would like.”
I am not sure how you feel…but that is a powerful passage to me. I don’t always feel the love that I extend. And when that happens it can easily lead to much offense. What happens is the next time I am confronted with a chance to love someone who I am unsure will return or accept it…I am much more leery. My position to love everyone as God loves me…has been tainted by disappointment.
I expect a lot, I guess. That is what I am realizing. I expect people to want to love me, just because I show love to them. Expectations that are unfair can absolutely lead to offense. Which can then lead to coldness. Harshness. Anger. Unforgiveness. Avoidance. Sin. Sounds a lot like how I behaved and reasoned as a child…”If you don’t like me…then I don’t like you.” That is something that I will NOT allow my children to practice in daily life. I expect more from them. So why have I allowed myself to act like that?
Sometimes, what I expect and teach to my children is not what I, myself, do. It is like the book of Proverbs. A wise man does_______(fill in the blank with any one of the Proverbs). Next it usually lists what I do. The fool. Ugh! I can choose to be offended to be called the fool. I can pretend that it is not talking about me, the fool. I can ignore it, because a fool would think it is too hard to change a habit. Or, I can allow the revealed sinful nature to wake me up to the reality of what I am portraying. What category do I really want to be labeled as? Wise or foolish. Only the foolish would willingly choose it, once they have learned otherwise.
Sometimes it is just as simple as realizing how simple it really is. Revelations from God don’t have to be beyond our human thinking. They just have to placed in front of us at the exact moment that we are ready to hear and handle it. Change is coming…and it begins with the individual. Will you affect those around you? Or will you infect…like a disease.
My prayer is that you will see people through the eyes of Christ today! A phrase that is easily said…but really, what does it mean to you and I? This is how I view it. To see someone in the eyes of Christ is to see only the good in them. To forget their shortcomings. To forgive them before they even know they need to ask! (This is a huge one!!) To love without condition. To want to spur them on in the gifts they have been given from the Father. To know that no matter how badly they mess up, each sin has already been conquered. To want to see them succeed. To pray to the Father for whatever is lacking. To be excited when they accept a blessing. To be truly happy when they finally ‘get something’ that they have been struggling with. The list can go on and on. Christ’s view isn’t tainted with disappointment. His blood was our sacrifice that covered ALL!
“In His presence, Heaven and Earth become one.” Have you heard that song? Click here if you haven’t. Or if you want to be reminded of how much we gain when we allow ourselves, let our guard down, to enter into the presence of God. I stand amazed at His goodness. He provided strength when I felt weak Sunday. I knew He could…and yet I was still a bit shocked that He cared enough to do it. I couldn’t stop smiling at His perfect plan for my day. He is too good to me I feel…but luckily I KNOW otherwise.
This is my life. Taken care of because I serve an awesome, amazing, mighty God. You are missing out if you don’t know how powerful you are in Him. I would love to pray for you if you feel that is you. Message me. Ask me for my email. Ask me for my number. Just ask if you feel this is you. I am praying for your boldness to ask. And I am praying for my obedience to answer the call. =)
Praise God for a new day and a new chance to show love like it was intended. You can not predict…nor can you guarantee how someone will receive your attempts to love. But your obedience is all that is asked of you. Their end…is still covered in grace…no matter what it is. Extend grace because you expect it. Extend love because you are freely given it by the only One who matters. That is a reason to be joyful like no other!
My husband and I are reading “The Bait of satan” right now. I am only on chapter 3 because I keep going to back to things I need to reread in the first 2 chapters. Ha-ha! Really though…they are powerful. I don’t want to miss a single nugget of knowledge and revelation into the ways of this enemy I am warring against. So here it is…chapter 2 again. This is what I know someone needs to read today. Know that I love you…so I do all I can to help you succeed! =)
“…agape is the love God sheds abroad in the hearts of His children. It is the same love Jesus gives freely to us. It is unconditional. It is not based on performance or even whether it is returned. It is a love that gives even when rejected. Without God we can only love with a selfish love-one that cannot be given if it is not received and returned. However, agape loves regardless of the response. This agape is the love Jesus shed when He forgave from the cross.”
Have you ever felt like having this conversation with God? (The following is again from the book listed above.)
“I have had it. Now You are going to have to talk to me about this. Every time I show Your love to this person, I get anger thrown back in my face!”
The Lord began to speak to me. “John, you need to develop faith in the love of God!”"
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“He who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption,” He explained, “but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life. And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.” (Galatians 6:8-9)
You need to realize that when you sow the love of God, you will reap the love of God. You need to develop faith in this spiritual law-even though you may not harvest it from the field in which you sowed, or as quickly as you would like.”
I am not sure how you feel…but that is a powerful passage to me. I don’t always feel the love that I extend. And when that happens it can easily lead to much offense. What happens is the next time I am confronted with a chance to love someone who I am unsure will return or accept it…I am much more leery. My position to love everyone as God loves me…has been tainted by disappointment.
I expect a lot, I guess. That is what I am realizing. I expect people to want to love me, just because I show love to them. Expectations that are unfair can absolutely lead to offense. Which can then lead to coldness. Harshness. Anger. Unforgiveness. Avoidance. Sin. Sounds a lot like how I behaved and reasoned as a child…”If you don’t like me…then I don’t like you.” That is something that I will NOT allow my children to practice in daily life. I expect more from them. So why have I allowed myself to act like that?
Sometimes, what I expect and teach to my children is not what I, myself, do. It is like the book of Proverbs. A wise man does_______(fill in the blank with any one of the Proverbs). Next it usually lists what I do. The fool. Ugh! I can choose to be offended to be called the fool. I can pretend that it is not talking about me, the fool. I can ignore it, because a fool would think it is too hard to change a habit. Or, I can allow the revealed sinful nature to wake me up to the reality of what I am portraying. What category do I really want to be labeled as? Wise or foolish. Only the foolish would willingly choose it, once they have learned otherwise.
Sometimes it is just as simple as realizing how simple it really is. Revelations from God don’t have to be beyond our human thinking. They just have to placed in front of us at the exact moment that we are ready to hear and handle it. Change is coming…and it begins with the individual. Will you affect those around you? Or will you infect…like a disease.
My prayer is that you will see people through the eyes of Christ today! A phrase that is easily said…but really, what does it mean to you and I? This is how I view it. To see someone in the eyes of Christ is to see only the good in them. To forget their shortcomings. To forgive them before they even know they need to ask! (This is a huge one!!) To love without condition. To want to spur them on in the gifts they have been given from the Father. To know that no matter how badly they mess up, each sin has already been conquered. To want to see them succeed. To pray to the Father for whatever is lacking. To be excited when they accept a blessing. To be truly happy when they finally ‘get something’ that they have been struggling with. The list can go on and on. Christ’s view isn’t tainted with disappointment. His blood was our sacrifice that covered ALL!
“In His presence, Heaven and Earth become one.” Have you heard that song? Click here if you haven’t. Or if you want to be reminded of how much we gain when we allow ourselves, let our guard down, to enter into the presence of God. I stand amazed at His goodness. He provided strength when I felt weak Sunday. I knew He could…and yet I was still a bit shocked that He cared enough to do it. I couldn’t stop smiling at His perfect plan for my day. He is too good to me I feel…but luckily I KNOW otherwise.
This is my life. Taken care of because I serve an awesome, amazing, mighty God. You are missing out if you don’t know how powerful you are in Him. I would love to pray for you if you feel that is you. Message me. Ask me for my email. Ask me for my number. Just ask if you feel this is you. I am praying for your boldness to ask. And I am praying for my obedience to answer the call. =)
Praise God for a new day and a new chance to show love like it was intended. You can not predict…nor can you guarantee how someone will receive your attempts to love. But your obedience is all that is asked of you. Their end…is still covered in grace…no matter what it is. Extend grace because you expect it. Extend love because you are freely given it by the only One who matters. That is a reason to be joyful like no other!
Smile when you speak…because you are more lovely when you do.
My Journey Through 7 Pregnancies-Part Seven!
Wow…it has taken a long time to get here. Both in my life and in my writing. I am so happy to tell you of my journey with my youngest baby. Our family finally felt complete. I still have moments of longing for another newborn (especially when I get to hold one)…but the first fight I break up with my own children usually fixes that. Ha-ha!
My husband comes to me one day and asks if I remember a few years past, going by a house that he said he’d love to live in someday. I remember my exact words when we saw it for the first time. “Yeah RIGHT!” If you are picturing a gorgeous mansion…think again. Think…fixer-upper. Think…old farm. Think…eye sore. No really, this is being generous. ;) When he told me that the owner had called him out of the blue and he set up a time with the family to take a look at it…I was shocked. I expected to look at the house out of sheer politeness in not wanting to cancel. After we politely looked at it I would then make Eric gently tell them no. As you can probably guess…God had other plans in mind.
So us and our three children look at the house. My husband had always wanted a hobby farm. So he pretty much decided he wanted it before even looking inside. I =, on the other hand, needed to see if I could picture us living here. I was very confident I could NOT. So in we came to a gutted house. No plumbing. No electric. No walls in most rooms. Just studs and much clutter. Much confusion. The owner’s husband had begun gutting this house to put a face lift on it. Then in a sudden moment he was gone. He passed away and left a house full of everything he had ripped off of each wall and floor. As I stepped over boards, walked around boxes of plumbing, and ran into pile after pile of old shingles…I saw a tiny glimpse. A view from the dining room. A view that I wanted to have as my own. And soon to follow came the words…”I could see us living here.”
I went into this day believing that we would leave still planning to live in our other cute little country home. (I loved the cozy living room!) But I left this mess of a gutted home feeling blessed. Some days, living in the middle of a construction zone, makes me wonder what I was thinking. Ha-ha! I knew that it was God that laid this house right in our lap. I fully believe that it is an absolute gift from God. Gifts aren’t always gorgeous at first glance. But I have learned too much while living here to think otherwise.
I am happy to say that God has taught me great contentment through this house. I am done wishing. I am happy with what God has given us. Some days we don’t get any closer to making it more beautiful..and some days we make remarkable, lasting differences. No matter what, I am to be content. If this house would have been done and ready to move in…we probably would not have been able to afford a 30 acre country farm. But because we were willing to work as we go…and more importantly as we make the money…we bought a house that would have been seen as just an eye sore to many. And they would miss out so that I could be blessed with the view from the top of our hill. Gorgeous!
Shortly after moving in…(seriously, like two months, tops)…we found out that we were expecting again. Shocked. We were both shocked. We knew that we wanted to have another baby…but ‘our plan’ was not until our house was more prepared. Nothing about living in this house was convenient. I could go on and on…but that is not the point of this story anyway. Lol! (And I am already kind of babbling.)
We press on. This pregnancy was not too difficult. But one thing I do not recommend…being large and pregnant through the summer. Especially if it is going to be the hottest summer EVER in northwestern PA. I was miserable. I remember that my husband was siding our house in the late spring. (A lovely olive green. I get comments on it all the time…people seem to really like the color!) He asked me to come out and help with whatever I could. I honestly wanted to walk back in as soon as I walked out. My face was instantly flushed and I was miserable. I looked for any opportunity to come back inside. A poopy diaper…yippee! What’s that you say? You are thirsty? I am so on it! Ha-ha! For real. I couldn’t stay outside for any length of time at all…and at this point it was only May!
My husband’s cousin and his wife felt so bad for me that they even gave us a little swimming pool. It was only about 3 feet high…but so so wonderful! I would sit and they would splash and run. Every once in a while I would have to save Titus from drowning. I barely had to sit up to do so. Ha-ha…that was the life! Then July hit. It was time to go camping with my husband’s family.
Remember I spoke about this in my last pregnancy post. Tent camping myth…it is relaxing to go camping. Reality…when pregnant, tent camping is NOT relaxing, or comfortable, nor ‘fun’ in most ways. Sleeping in a sleeping bag on the ground…not fun. Waking up in puddles…again…not fun. Chasing kids in the hot sun…not fun. Sweating all day long and then taking a shower in questionable conditions…not fun. Waddling…not fun. Swimming…FUN! Walking back from swimming and already drenched in sweat…not fun. (Am I painting a clear picture for you? I could keep going if needed. ;) )
See…do you see the redness of my face? That is how I looked all the time. Ugh…I can’t even believe I am showing you this picture. It is awful! I am regretting my decision to include it. See that smile? Fake. Pasted on to be a good sport for this awful picture. It lies, from how truly miserable I felt.
Never in my life have I sweat as much as I did that summer. I finally understood why my husband would get a bit cranky when he was over-heated. I will be more sympathetic for him from now on. It is awful. No relief. I cried. Oh did I. I went in my suffocatingly hot, stuffy tent and cried because I could not get relieved. At one point Eric was gone and I was with the kids. The whole clan decided to go for a walk. (Keep in mind…this is the 3rd week in July. I am due August 15th. I am large…okay…huge. I am swollen. I am miserable to just be awake.) They ask me if the kids and I want to go for a walk too. I decline for all of us…with much tears from the kids. My tears of apology because I knew I just couldn’t handle a 2-3 mile walk with 3 children in the heat…didn’t help them feel any better. So we took up the in-laws on their offer to use their camper.
Ahhh…relief. Being in a camper…now that is fun campin! Air conditioning. Movies so the kids could sit and rest. Cold, refrigerated drinks. This was the life. =)
With this pregnancy coming to an end I had learned my lesson from the last. There was no bitterness. I did remove myself from the worship team for the last few weeks…but that was only because I felt faint when I was on the stage because of the heat! (This summer also solidified (as if there was ever a question) that I DO NOT EVER WANT TO EXPERIENCE HELL. Nor do I want anyone I know or love to enter. No relief. Unquenchable thirst. Nope…that gonna have that!!)
It was the weekend before I was due with Levi. I started to have some questions on if I should be concerned. But it was the weekend. Who likes to go and wait for hours in the ER and be seen by some random doctor who is usually a man? Who wants to show their stuff to just anyone? Raise of hands? No?…neither do I! So I waited. Friday evening…all day Saturday…all day Sunday.
That Sunday was a special one anyway. It was my birthday. 8-8-81. That is my day. So on August 9th in the early afternoon I tell my husband…who is over an hour away working…that I am just a little bit concerned and am going to call the doctor. He acts much more worried than I am. Instructs me to call him as soon as I know what is going on. The nurse says that my mid-wife would really like to see me to be sure that my water isn’t ‘leaking’. (If you have ever been prego…you know that ‘everything is normal in pregnancy’. At least that is what they tell you. All of these crazy things that seem very abnormal…are always normal. Odd!)
I told Eric that I would just find a place for the kids to go and I’d drive there myself because I was confident that nothing was wrong. He was not having it. He told me to get all the stuff we need for the hospital. And to load up the bags for the kids and he will meet me half way. He was very late…even though he was speeding to get there. So we went on our way doctor’s office, already behind schedule. (If know anything about my husband…you will know that he is always on time! Early usually. I am naturally a late person…so we butt heads a lot. Ha-ha!) I am not sure if you paid much attention…but with all of my successful pregnancies…my labors were quite short. Had I been in labor on this particular trip…I absolutely would have delivered in my van.
Can you admit that sometimes it can be a bit frustrating to go through road construction? Okay…now add to that that your doctor is waiting on you and only you before she can go home for the day. Now add that your spouse is freaking out because we are late (for the first time his fault, not mine!). And now add that something may be wrong…and we may have to have a baby today! It literally took us over 2 hours to get somewhere that should’ve taken half an hour. It was getting on Eric’s last nerve.
We finally arrived and the doctor quickly confirmed that it is my water that was leaking. And here I thought I was just peeing myself a little bit. Bahaha! (I’m telling you…don’t count anything out when it comes to being pregnant!) When she told me that because it had been leaking for a few days…there was a increased risk of infection to the baby. I started to cry. She went from stern and not happy with me…to compassionate in two seconds flat. She assured me that it was going to be okay. We were going to go to the hospital NOW to have a baby. And this baby would have an awesome birthday. 8-9-10
That made me smile. I mean come on…I could not have planned that! So almost exactly 4 hours after starting the induction…Levi James was born. 7 lbs 6 oz. (And here I thought he was an Olivia. *shrugs shoulders here* I would not trade my Levi for anything! He is an absolute blessing to me!!) God protected Levi. He had no complications after labor. No infection at all. Praise God!
Just one year later I celebrated my 30th birthday at his 1st birthday party. It was awesome! I couldn’t
think of a better belated birthday present. He has been our happiest child from birth until now. He is an absolute delight to our family. The kids love doting on him. And wrestling with him. And carrying him around. And helping mom with anything and almost everything to do with him. I have 3 little helpers. And the transition from 3 to 4 children…was an absolute breeze! (How about in your family? If you have multiple children which was the hardest transition? 1-2, 2-3, 3-4? Eric and I agree that our hardest transition by far was going from 1 to 2 children. Odd huh? After that…eh…what’s the difference? Lol!)
What was to come when Levi was just 4 months old? I could not have seen it coming. I hit rock bottom. But that is an entirely different story for an entirely different day. Soon my friend. Soon!
My husband comes to me one day and asks if I remember a few years past, going by a house that he said he’d love to live in someday. I remember my exact words when we saw it for the first time. “Yeah RIGHT!” If you are picturing a gorgeous mansion…think again. Think…fixer-upper. Think…old farm. Think…eye sore. No really, this is being generous. ;) When he told me that the owner had called him out of the blue and he set up a time with the family to take a look at it…I was shocked. I expected to look at the house out of sheer politeness in not wanting to cancel. After we politely looked at it I would then make Eric gently tell them no. As you can probably guess…God had other plans in mind.
So us and our three children look at the house. My husband had always wanted a hobby farm. So he pretty much decided he wanted it before even looking inside. I =, on the other hand, needed to see if I could picture us living here. I was very confident I could NOT. So in we came to a gutted house. No plumbing. No electric. No walls in most rooms. Just studs and much clutter. Much confusion. The owner’s husband had begun gutting this house to put a face lift on it. Then in a sudden moment he was gone. He passed away and left a house full of everything he had ripped off of each wall and floor. As I stepped over boards, walked around boxes of plumbing, and ran into pile after pile of old shingles…I saw a tiny glimpse. A view from the dining room. A view that I wanted to have as my own. And soon to follow came the words…”I could see us living here.”
I went into this day believing that we would leave still planning to live in our other cute little country home. (I loved the cozy living room!) But I left this mess of a gutted home feeling blessed. Some days, living in the middle of a construction zone, makes me wonder what I was thinking. Ha-ha! I knew that it was God that laid this house right in our lap. I fully believe that it is an absolute gift from God. Gifts aren’t always gorgeous at first glance. But I have learned too much while living here to think otherwise.
I am happy to say that God has taught me great contentment through this house. I am done wishing. I am happy with what God has given us. Some days we don’t get any closer to making it more beautiful..and some days we make remarkable, lasting differences. No matter what, I am to be content. If this house would have been done and ready to move in…we probably would not have been able to afford a 30 acre country farm. But because we were willing to work as we go…and more importantly as we make the money…we bought a house that would have been seen as just an eye sore to many. And they would miss out so that I could be blessed with the view from the top of our hill. Gorgeous!
Shortly after moving in…(seriously, like two months, tops)…we found out that we were expecting again. Shocked. We were both shocked. We knew that we wanted to have another baby…but ‘our plan’ was not until our house was more prepared. Nothing about living in this house was convenient. I could go on and on…but that is not the point of this story anyway. Lol! (And I am already kind of babbling.)
We press on. This pregnancy was not too difficult. But one thing I do not recommend…being large and pregnant through the summer. Especially if it is going to be the hottest summer EVER in northwestern PA. I was miserable. I remember that my husband was siding our house in the late spring. (A lovely olive green. I get comments on it all the time…people seem to really like the color!) He asked me to come out and help with whatever I could. I honestly wanted to walk back in as soon as I walked out. My face was instantly flushed and I was miserable. I looked for any opportunity to come back inside. A poopy diaper…yippee! What’s that you say? You are thirsty? I am so on it! Ha-ha! For real. I couldn’t stay outside for any length of time at all…and at this point it was only May!
My husband’s cousin and his wife felt so bad for me that they even gave us a little swimming pool. It was only about 3 feet high…but so so wonderful! I would sit and they would splash and run. Every once in a while I would have to save Titus from drowning. I barely had to sit up to do so. Ha-ha…that was the life! Then July hit. It was time to go camping with my husband’s family.
Remember I spoke about this in my last pregnancy post. Tent camping myth…it is relaxing to go camping. Reality…when pregnant, tent camping is NOT relaxing, or comfortable, nor ‘fun’ in most ways. Sleeping in a sleeping bag on the ground…not fun. Waking up in puddles…again…not fun. Chasing kids in the hot sun…not fun. Sweating all day long and then taking a shower in questionable conditions…not fun. Waddling…not fun. Swimming…FUN! Walking back from swimming and already drenched in sweat…not fun. (Am I painting a clear picture for you? I could keep going if needed. ;) )
See…do you see the redness of my face? That is how I looked all the time. Ugh…I can’t even believe I am showing you this picture. It is awful! I am regretting my decision to include it. See that smile? Fake. Pasted on to be a good sport for this awful picture. It lies, from how truly miserable I felt.Never in my life have I sweat as much as I did that summer. I finally understood why my husband would get a bit cranky when he was over-heated. I will be more sympathetic for him from now on. It is awful. No relief. I cried. Oh did I. I went in my suffocatingly hot, stuffy tent and cried because I could not get relieved. At one point Eric was gone and I was with the kids. The whole clan decided to go for a walk. (Keep in mind…this is the 3rd week in July. I am due August 15th. I am large…okay…huge. I am swollen. I am miserable to just be awake.) They ask me if the kids and I want to go for a walk too. I decline for all of us…with much tears from the kids. My tears of apology because I knew I just couldn’t handle a 2-3 mile walk with 3 children in the heat…didn’t help them feel any better. So we took up the in-laws on their offer to use their camper.
Ahhh…relief. Being in a camper…now that is fun campin! Air conditioning. Movies so the kids could sit and rest. Cold, refrigerated drinks. This was the life. =)
With this pregnancy coming to an end I had learned my lesson from the last. There was no bitterness. I did remove myself from the worship team for the last few weeks…but that was only because I felt faint when I was on the stage because of the heat! (This summer also solidified (as if there was ever a question) that I DO NOT EVER WANT TO EXPERIENCE HELL. Nor do I want anyone I know or love to enter. No relief. Unquenchable thirst. Nope…that gonna have that!!)
It was the weekend before I was due with Levi. I started to have some questions on if I should be concerned. But it was the weekend. Who likes to go and wait for hours in the ER and be seen by some random doctor who is usually a man? Who wants to show their stuff to just anyone? Raise of hands? No?…neither do I! So I waited. Friday evening…all day Saturday…all day Sunday.
That Sunday was a special one anyway. It was my birthday. 8-8-81. That is my day. So on August 9th in the early afternoon I tell my husband…who is over an hour away working…that I am just a little bit concerned and am going to call the doctor. He acts much more worried than I am. Instructs me to call him as soon as I know what is going on. The nurse says that my mid-wife would really like to see me to be sure that my water isn’t ‘leaking’. (If you have ever been prego…you know that ‘everything is normal in pregnancy’. At least that is what they tell you. All of these crazy things that seem very abnormal…are always normal. Odd!)
I told Eric that I would just find a place for the kids to go and I’d drive there myself because I was confident that nothing was wrong. He was not having it. He told me to get all the stuff we need for the hospital. And to load up the bags for the kids and he will meet me half way. He was very late…even though he was speeding to get there. So we went on our way doctor’s office, already behind schedule. (If know anything about my husband…you will know that he is always on time! Early usually. I am naturally a late person…so we butt heads a lot. Ha-ha!) I am not sure if you paid much attention…but with all of my successful pregnancies…my labors were quite short. Had I been in labor on this particular trip…I absolutely would have delivered in my van.
Can you admit that sometimes it can be a bit frustrating to go through road construction? Okay…now add to that that your doctor is waiting on you and only you before she can go home for the day. Now add that your spouse is freaking out because we are late (for the first time his fault, not mine!). And now add that something may be wrong…and we may have to have a baby today! It literally took us over 2 hours to get somewhere that should’ve taken half an hour. It was getting on Eric’s last nerve.
We finally arrived and the doctor quickly confirmed that it is my water that was leaking. And here I thought I was just peeing myself a little bit. Bahaha! (I’m telling you…don’t count anything out when it comes to being pregnant!) When she told me that because it had been leaking for a few days…there was a increased risk of infection to the baby. I started to cry. She went from stern and not happy with me…to compassionate in two seconds flat. She assured me that it was going to be okay. We were going to go to the hospital NOW to have a baby. And this baby would have an awesome birthday. 8-9-10
That made me smile. I mean come on…I could not have planned that! So almost exactly 4 hours after starting the induction…Levi James was born. 7 lbs 6 oz. (And here I thought he was an Olivia. *shrugs shoulders here* I would not trade my Levi for anything! He is an absolute blessing to me!!) God protected Levi. He had no complications after labor. No infection at all. Praise God!
Just one year later I celebrated my 30th birthday at his 1st birthday party. It was awesome! I couldn’t
think of a better belated birthday present. He has been our happiest child from birth until now. He is an absolute delight to our family. The kids love doting on him. And wrestling with him. And carrying him around. And helping mom with anything and almost everything to do with him. I have 3 little helpers. And the transition from 3 to 4 children…was an absolute breeze! (How about in your family? If you have multiple children which was the hardest transition? 1-2, 2-3, 3-4? Eric and I agree that our hardest transition by far was going from 1 to 2 children. Odd huh? After that…eh…what’s the difference? Lol!)
What was to come when Levi was just 4 months old? I could not have seen it coming. I hit rock bottom. But that is an entirely different story for an entirely different day. Soon my friend. Soon!
Saturday, January 14, 2012
My Journey Through 7 Pregnancies-Part Six
Oh man…
I
am
excited.
This ‘series’ of writings has been long and difficult at times for me. But God gave me the post that will end it all on a happy note. I am so excited to write that one…but first I must press on to finish what I started. So part six, let’s begin!
Again, if you are doing the math, you know that the last two pregnancies both have happy endings. Still, they are part of who I am as a mother. As a daughter of the King. As a woman of faith. As a testimony of God’s goodness. And as proof that God hears my cries, and is a genuine God of love. =)
Are you seeing a common trend here? It is not the ‘getting pregnant’ that we struggle with. It is staying that way. I remember praying when we found out about this pregnancy…for the baby to just hang in there. From the time we found out…until I passed the dreaded 16 week mark…I just wanted the baby to hold on for it’s life. Almost like he/she was refusing to be aborted. Remind me to tell you about why that statement is funny later. Lol!
As with the past few pregnancies. We were hesitant to tell many people. When our brand new church was growing and welcoming more and more people, it was only right for those of us at the core to help someone in need. So…as a family of four (no one knew it was soon enough to be five)…we offered to watch two children for a mother in need. She was in trouble with the law in another state…and had to go there for an undesignated amount of time. She was hoping to be gone for only one month…but was very unclear. Her daughter was 4 years old, and her son was 9 months. My son Aiden at that time had just turned 3 and Ariel would have been 1 1/2.
To say that it was a difficult month for me, seems like an understatement. (Pregnancy brings a lot of emotion in me. And for someone who is naturally emotional anyway, “apparently” I was a lot to handle for my husband. =P ) Our stand on the month we had with these two children…was to have an affect. Brendan was little…so we just have to dote and love on him. Lexy was my challenge. Eric and I agreed that we would expect the same from her as we did our own children. Talk about a struggle! But God gave us many opportunities to teach her what a stable family was like. Consistent. Filled with grace and love. And bathed in prayer. By the end of week one she was praying over our meals on her own. (There is nothing like a child’s prayer. Untainted with disappointment. Just belief and expectation. They are such an amazing testimony of how we should approach Christ. I am incredibly thankful to have so many children in my life in that I can learn from!)
We continued on with life as normal. It was July…and that is my husband’s family’s annual camping trip. So…the six of us went. Never have I counted heads so many times. It was not at all relaxing. (Which is a myth about camping anyway…if you are a TENT camper with children. Not much about camping is too ‘relaxing’ when you wake up in puddles.) Funny thing is, out of the 12 or so Knapp Family Campouts that I have been to this was not the one that I did the most crying at. Haha! (That one was yet to come with pregnancy number 7!) For one month God let us affect these two children with love. For one month we cared for them as our own. And as quickly as we acquired them…they were gone…not to be seen again. Would those days leave lasting affects on a 5 year old? I can only pray they did.
Our due date this time was December 1st. I don’t expect you to remember this, but my daughter was born on that date. She was due on the 5th and came 4 days early. God chooses the day of birth for each baby. So when they end of this pregnancy was coming to an end, I was hopeful for another early baby. I figured this baby would come more like a week or so early. My husband and I were preparing for that. If you are a hunter at all…you know that to have a baby due in the first week in December…in Pennsylvania…means that you might quote, “Mess up the first day of hunting.” I am not sure if you would consider your child being born…”messing up your precious hunting time”…(Ha-ha!)…but if you understand that statement…you and my husband would get along beautifully. Lol! I had a list of phone numbers…and an order in which to call them if I thought I was in labor. The last number being my mother-in-law who would then physically drive to the woods and track my husband down to bring him home to me.
The plan was well thought out…and never utilized. (Much to my disappointment.) I did not wish to ruin his hunting tradition…but I was anxious to hold my baby. For the last two weeks or so of my pregnancy…I had to remove myself from our church’s worship team. I was literally bitter that my child was not coming early. I was a huge grump about it. (Ridiculous I KNOW!) I grew more and more angry each day. December 1st came…and went. The 2nd came…and went. I can keep going. Because this happened until December 5th rolled around.
Again…let me set the scene for you. I want you to picture the peaceful scene God had prepared for me. It was late evening. My children were both in bed. My husband even was in bed and sleeping before me. So I decided to take this time to watch a holiday movie. (Eric hates them…and I love them!) Elf was my movie of choice. We had a pellet stove in our cozy little living room. It was the type that shows the flame in the front. So I was sitting next to a warm, flickering, relaxing flame. The hum of the stove was the only noise in the house. Not too long after I settled in to watch my movie I realized I was having contractions. My fear (as with any mother about to deliver) was that I would get to the hospital and they would send me home saying I was not having real contractions. So I waited for a while. Watched my movie breathing through the contractions. Watching the clock. And not waking up my husband.
Soon they were getting more painful and intense. I decided I would like to be freshly showered when I went to the hospital. So I took a long hot shower to help relax me. When I was done I came back to Elf and kept watching. I am fairly sure that I finished it…but I don’t remember for sure. (I was a bit preoccupied. ;) )Pretty soon the contractions were 6 minutes apart so I went to wake up my husband. I expected for him to be excited. Instead he was so mad. Not because I woke him…but because I didn’t. We still had a long process and drive to get everyone to where they needed to go. His nervousness…started to make me nervous.
He called his parents and we got everyone loaded as quickly as we could. As we drove to their house, the pain was becoming more and more intense. When we reached my in-laws house…he told me to stay put while he got the kids out. His brother and mother and father were all up (now in the middle of the night) to help get the kids in. Eric went to get the kids bags and didn’t know which one was mine and the baby’s…and which one stayed with the kids. I did not want to be stuck wearing hospital gowns and using hospital body wash/shampoo all-in-one (there is not a formula that does both of those effectively and well)…so I got out to get the right bag. His brother was freaked out! He was yelling at me to get in the car because I was having a baby and in pain. I assured him I was not having a contraction at that exact moment. His concern was sweet. His yelling at the about to deliver prego woman…questionable. Lol!
As were were on our way to the hospital…which is about an hour drive…I began to not be able to talk any longer when I was experiencing a contraction. We were just outside of our town at this point…and my husband was freaking out a bit. (Whoops!) He was so nervous that we were going to have this baby in our car. Which at this point was an Ford Escape…and very uncomfortable to have contractions in. Having a baby would have been impossible!
We arrived at the hospital around 1am. I am not one to show when I am in pain. I don’t scream or show much indication. So the nurse is calmly asking me questions…and my husband is having to answer for me when sees that I can’t. She did not act like she noticed at first. Every once in a while she would look at me breathing…and see him answer. I honestly think she thought that I was being dramatic a bit and only in the early stages of labor. Because she was still asking questions when my doctor got there and decided she would like to check me. I was 8cm! The nurse was completely shocked. She had no idea how intense it was because I was just concentrating on relaxing and breathing.
Titus Wesley, 8 lbs 2 oz was born at 1:40am on December 6th 2008. The pictures I took of me and him the night of the 6th…are my favorite pictures of me, of all time. Funny huh? When Eric called to tell his parents that we had a healthy baby boy…they couldn’t believe that he came that quickly. I gotta say…laboring at home was much better than sitting in a hospital bed for hours waiting. I had done that already. I prefer my peaceful house, flickering flame, and watching Elf!
A little while after giving birth, my midwife came over and kissed my forehead. She said, “Okay that was easy…let’s do that 3 more times.” I was unsure of whether that was a prophetic word…or just a silly comment. Haha! Eric always did want 6 children…and I always wanted 4. Only time will tell. Only God will instruct. If only we will listen. =)
Now keep in mind, Titus was born very early in the morning on December 6th. When we woke up on December 7th in the hospital we were itching to get home. My husband’s grandfather was celebrating his 80th birthday. He is not much into people fussing over him…so the fact that so many people were coming to show their love for him, was huge. I did not want to have to miss it. We were asking the nurses and doctors all day when we could go home. We finally got the discharge papers…and out we went. We dropped our older two children off at a friends house and went to the party.
His grandpa’s face was priceless. He just shook his head in amazement that we showed up…with our newborn! The party was almost over…but our appearance there was all that mattered. I told him it isn’t like we could come to the next 80th birthday party he had. Haha!
My husband and I believe that there is a lot to a child’s name. The name Titus means defender. He is tough like he refused to be aborted. ;) I love that!
Another chapter in my story. Another life to care for. Another life to teach how to be effective for Christ. Another miracle from my Maker. Another son to love. Another defender for the Kingdom of God. The world needs some Tituses right now don’t they? We have one in the making. =)
What kind of warriors are you raising? What example are you setting for those God has entrusted you with? What kind of love are you teaching them to extend? What type of worship are you inviting them to have with you? What type of praise do they hear come from your lips? What type of situation has to happen to get you to pray as a family? Hopefully none. I pray it is a relationship that never stops. Never waivers. Never doubts. Never gives up. It is never too late. Begin showing a real relationship to your children. Don’t let the enemy have another wasted second of just being busy. Your children (and/or children in your life around you)…are looking up to you. Give them something worthy of imitation!
I
am
excited.
This ‘series’ of writings has been long and difficult at times for me. But God gave me the post that will end it all on a happy note. I am so excited to write that one…but first I must press on to finish what I started. So part six, let’s begin!
Again, if you are doing the math, you know that the last two pregnancies both have happy endings. Still, they are part of who I am as a mother. As a daughter of the King. As a woman of faith. As a testimony of God’s goodness. And as proof that God hears my cries, and is a genuine God of love. =)
Are you seeing a common trend here? It is not the ‘getting pregnant’ that we struggle with. It is staying that way. I remember praying when we found out about this pregnancy…for the baby to just hang in there. From the time we found out…until I passed the dreaded 16 week mark…I just wanted the baby to hold on for it’s life. Almost like he/she was refusing to be aborted. Remind me to tell you about why that statement is funny later. Lol!
As with the past few pregnancies. We were hesitant to tell many people. When our brand new church was growing and welcoming more and more people, it was only right for those of us at the core to help someone in need. So…as a family of four (no one knew it was soon enough to be five)…we offered to watch two children for a mother in need. She was in trouble with the law in another state…and had to go there for an undesignated amount of time. She was hoping to be gone for only one month…but was very unclear. Her daughter was 4 years old, and her son was 9 months. My son Aiden at that time had just turned 3 and Ariel would have been 1 1/2.
To say that it was a difficult month for me, seems like an understatement. (Pregnancy brings a lot of emotion in me. And for someone who is naturally emotional anyway, “apparently” I was a lot to handle for my husband. =P ) Our stand on the month we had with these two children…was to have an affect. Brendan was little…so we just have to dote and love on him. Lexy was my challenge. Eric and I agreed that we would expect the same from her as we did our own children. Talk about a struggle! But God gave us many opportunities to teach her what a stable family was like. Consistent. Filled with grace and love. And bathed in prayer. By the end of week one she was praying over our meals on her own. (There is nothing like a child’s prayer. Untainted with disappointment. Just belief and expectation. They are such an amazing testimony of how we should approach Christ. I am incredibly thankful to have so many children in my life in that I can learn from!)
We continued on with life as normal. It was July…and that is my husband’s family’s annual camping trip. So…the six of us went. Never have I counted heads so many times. It was not at all relaxing. (Which is a myth about camping anyway…if you are a TENT camper with children. Not much about camping is too ‘relaxing’ when you wake up in puddles.) Funny thing is, out of the 12 or so Knapp Family Campouts that I have been to this was not the one that I did the most crying at. Haha! (That one was yet to come with pregnancy number 7!) For one month God let us affect these two children with love. For one month we cared for them as our own. And as quickly as we acquired them…they were gone…not to be seen again. Would those days leave lasting affects on a 5 year old? I can only pray they did.
Our due date this time was December 1st. I don’t expect you to remember this, but my daughter was born on that date. She was due on the 5th and came 4 days early. God chooses the day of birth for each baby. So when they end of this pregnancy was coming to an end, I was hopeful for another early baby. I figured this baby would come more like a week or so early. My husband and I were preparing for that. If you are a hunter at all…you know that to have a baby due in the first week in December…in Pennsylvania…means that you might quote, “Mess up the first day of hunting.” I am not sure if you would consider your child being born…”messing up your precious hunting time”…(Ha-ha!)…but if you understand that statement…you and my husband would get along beautifully. Lol! I had a list of phone numbers…and an order in which to call them if I thought I was in labor. The last number being my mother-in-law who would then physically drive to the woods and track my husband down to bring him home to me.
The plan was well thought out…and never utilized. (Much to my disappointment.) I did not wish to ruin his hunting tradition…but I was anxious to hold my baby. For the last two weeks or so of my pregnancy…I had to remove myself from our church’s worship team. I was literally bitter that my child was not coming early. I was a huge grump about it. (Ridiculous I KNOW!) I grew more and more angry each day. December 1st came…and went. The 2nd came…and went. I can keep going. Because this happened until December 5th rolled around.
Again…let me set the scene for you. I want you to picture the peaceful scene God had prepared for me. It was late evening. My children were both in bed. My husband even was in bed and sleeping before me. So I decided to take this time to watch a holiday movie. (Eric hates them…and I love them!) Elf was my movie of choice. We had a pellet stove in our cozy little living room. It was the type that shows the flame in the front. So I was sitting next to a warm, flickering, relaxing flame. The hum of the stove was the only noise in the house. Not too long after I settled in to watch my movie I realized I was having contractions. My fear (as with any mother about to deliver) was that I would get to the hospital and they would send me home saying I was not having real contractions. So I waited for a while. Watched my movie breathing through the contractions. Watching the clock. And not waking up my husband.
Soon they were getting more painful and intense. I decided I would like to be freshly showered when I went to the hospital. So I took a long hot shower to help relax me. When I was done I came back to Elf and kept watching. I am fairly sure that I finished it…but I don’t remember for sure. (I was a bit preoccupied. ;) )Pretty soon the contractions were 6 minutes apart so I went to wake up my husband. I expected for him to be excited. Instead he was so mad. Not because I woke him…but because I didn’t. We still had a long process and drive to get everyone to where they needed to go. His nervousness…started to make me nervous.
He called his parents and we got everyone loaded as quickly as we could. As we drove to their house, the pain was becoming more and more intense. When we reached my in-laws house…he told me to stay put while he got the kids out. His brother and mother and father were all up (now in the middle of the night) to help get the kids in. Eric went to get the kids bags and didn’t know which one was mine and the baby’s…and which one stayed with the kids. I did not want to be stuck wearing hospital gowns and using hospital body wash/shampoo all-in-one (there is not a formula that does both of those effectively and well)…so I got out to get the right bag. His brother was freaked out! He was yelling at me to get in the car because I was having a baby and in pain. I assured him I was not having a contraction at that exact moment. His concern was sweet. His yelling at the about to deliver prego woman…questionable. Lol!
As were were on our way to the hospital…which is about an hour drive…I began to not be able to talk any longer when I was experiencing a contraction. We were just outside of our town at this point…and my husband was freaking out a bit. (Whoops!) He was so nervous that we were going to have this baby in our car. Which at this point was an Ford Escape…and very uncomfortable to have contractions in. Having a baby would have been impossible!
We arrived at the hospital around 1am. I am not one to show when I am in pain. I don’t scream or show much indication. So the nurse is calmly asking me questions…and my husband is having to answer for me when sees that I can’t. She did not act like she noticed at first. Every once in a while she would look at me breathing…and see him answer. I honestly think she thought that I was being dramatic a bit and only in the early stages of labor. Because she was still asking questions when my doctor got there and decided she would like to check me. I was 8cm! The nurse was completely shocked. She had no idea how intense it was because I was just concentrating on relaxing and breathing.
Titus Wesley, 8 lbs 2 oz was born at 1:40am on December 6th 2008. The pictures I took of me and him the night of the 6th…are my favorite pictures of me, of all time. Funny huh? When Eric called to tell his parents that we had a healthy baby boy…they couldn’t believe that he came that quickly. I gotta say…laboring at home was much better than sitting in a hospital bed for hours waiting. I had done that already. I prefer my peaceful house, flickering flame, and watching Elf!
A little while after giving birth, my midwife came over and kissed my forehead. She said, “Okay that was easy…let’s do that 3 more times.” I was unsure of whether that was a prophetic word…or just a silly comment. Haha! Eric always did want 6 children…and I always wanted 4. Only time will tell. Only God will instruct. If only we will listen. =)
Now keep in mind, Titus was born very early in the morning on December 6th. When we woke up on December 7th in the hospital we were itching to get home. My husband’s grandfather was celebrating his 80th birthday. He is not much into people fussing over him…so the fact that so many people were coming to show their love for him, was huge. I did not want to have to miss it. We were asking the nurses and doctors all day when we could go home. We finally got the discharge papers…and out we went. We dropped our older two children off at a friends house and went to the party.
His grandpa’s face was priceless. He just shook his head in amazement that we showed up…with our newborn! The party was almost over…but our appearance there was all that mattered. I told him it isn’t like we could come to the next 80th birthday party he had. Haha!
My husband and I believe that there is a lot to a child’s name. The name Titus means defender. He is tough like he refused to be aborted. ;) I love that!
Another chapter in my story. Another life to care for. Another life to teach how to be effective for Christ. Another miracle from my Maker. Another son to love. Another defender for the Kingdom of God. The world needs some Tituses right now don’t they? We have one in the making. =)
What kind of warriors are you raising? What example are you setting for those God has entrusted you with? What kind of love are you teaching them to extend? What type of worship are you inviting them to have with you? What type of praise do they hear come from your lips? What type of situation has to happen to get you to pray as a family? Hopefully none. I pray it is a relationship that never stops. Never waivers. Never doubts. Never gives up. It is never too late. Begin showing a real relationship to your children. Don’t let the enemy have another wasted second of just being busy. Your children (and/or children in your life around you)…are looking up to you. Give them something worthy of imitation!
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Is that You God?
Do you ever feel like you can’t hear God? Is it that you aren’t noticing His voice? Or is it that something is keeping you from hearing it?
Here are some things I feel keep me from hearing sometimes. (Usually for way too long!)
doubt
lack of faith
busyness
worry
anger
unbelief
sorrow
unforgiveness
sin
pain
offense
money
self-pity
sleep
(Levi is too large for this walker. I keep it out for his cousin who comes to play with us just about every school day. But that does not keep Levi from trying to get in…just about every day. Haha! This particular day he got stuck and gave up while I was making lunch. Sweet tho huh?)
The list goes on. Anything that causes us to take our eyes off God, to focus on ourselves (or someone/something else)…is then a hindrance. Since I’ve been doing my devotions on a regular basis, I’ve been having lots of God revelations. I’ve been hearing Him most through my times of devotion and writing. His Word has become alive to me. You have no idea how happy it makes me to say that! =)
For most of my adult life, a regular devotional routine has been a struggle. First my excuse was that I was working full-time (with the inability to say no to extra hours). Then it was that I had a newborn baby. Then it was that I was pregnant with a toddler already at home…while working part-time. Each child added on was another excuse I accepted. The responsibilities and expectations of me only grew. Still, each of them were only excuses. Being always tired was an excuse. And I wake up each day with a choice. Get up and meet with God…or sleep.
The fact that I am in what I am referring to as a ‘writing frenzy’ is the result of me choosing God. I’m not saying I don’t fail some days…but God’s grace allows me to still meet with Him at some point. If reading this is making you feel guilty…please know that is not me. Guilt is not of God. God will make you feel convicted for your behavior. Throw guilt back to the pits of hell…and be willing to see God’s plan for your day.
I never intend to make you feel guilt because of where you are. I intend to encourage you…to spur you onward toward Christ. He has blessings to give you. He has knowledge to share with you. He has love to bathe you with. He has wisdom to pass on to you. But He needs time with you. He needs a relationship with His beloved.
For far too long one or more of the examples and excuses I listed above kept me from being consistent. So what does it take? Accountability. I am being help accountable by my brother. And he is being held accountable by me. That is something I really need right now. Someone to ask me. Not to make me feel bad if I fail…but to encourage me to succeed. Who can that be in your life? Think about it. Pray about it. Let God pick your accountability partner. =)
I don’t want to steer you wrong. During those years I absolutely still heard from God. Just not daily. I was not seeking Him like He was my goal. More like a benefit here and there. How sad that I settled for that! How awful that the scheme of satan was carried out for so long! I can almost hear the conversation in hell now… “Keep her tired. Keep her asleep. Keep her resentful. Keep her offended. Keep in her in a state of self-pity…because it is working. She’s rendering herself less powerful. She’s making our job easy.”
Ugh! Makes me physically sick to think about. It brings tears to my eyes to write. And it makes me angry way down deep. So deep that it is as if my blood boils just to speak of it. Ever felt like that? I guess if my anger makes me turn this time to proving satan wrong…I can handle it. Again I say…I am going to be stubborn in my faith. =)
Don’t let another day go by that you choose to sleep, watch mindless tv, surf the internet…over revelations from God. God is helping me to write a devotional in my time with Him. All I have to do is be awake!
Here are some things I feel keep me from hearing sometimes. (Usually for way too long!)
doubt
lack of faith
busyness
worry
anger
unbelief
sorrow
unforgiveness
sin
pain
offense
money
self-pity
sleep
(Levi is too large for this walker. I keep it out for his cousin who comes to play with us just about every school day. But that does not keep Levi from trying to get in…just about every day. Haha! This particular day he got stuck and gave up while I was making lunch. Sweet tho huh?)The list goes on. Anything that causes us to take our eyes off God, to focus on ourselves (or someone/something else)…is then a hindrance. Since I’ve been doing my devotions on a regular basis, I’ve been having lots of God revelations. I’ve been hearing Him most through my times of devotion and writing. His Word has become alive to me. You have no idea how happy it makes me to say that! =)
For most of my adult life, a regular devotional routine has been a struggle. First my excuse was that I was working full-time (with the inability to say no to extra hours). Then it was that I had a newborn baby. Then it was that I was pregnant with a toddler already at home…while working part-time. Each child added on was another excuse I accepted. The responsibilities and expectations of me only grew. Still, each of them were only excuses. Being always tired was an excuse. And I wake up each day with a choice. Get up and meet with God…or sleep.
The fact that I am in what I am referring to as a ‘writing frenzy’ is the result of me choosing God. I’m not saying I don’t fail some days…but God’s grace allows me to still meet with Him at some point. If reading this is making you feel guilty…please know that is not me. Guilt is not of God. God will make you feel convicted for your behavior. Throw guilt back to the pits of hell…and be willing to see God’s plan for your day.
I never intend to make you feel guilt because of where you are. I intend to encourage you…to spur you onward toward Christ. He has blessings to give you. He has knowledge to share with you. He has love to bathe you with. He has wisdom to pass on to you. But He needs time with you. He needs a relationship with His beloved.
For far too long one or more of the examples and excuses I listed above kept me from being consistent. So what does it take? Accountability. I am being help accountable by my brother. And he is being held accountable by me. That is something I really need right now. Someone to ask me. Not to make me feel bad if I fail…but to encourage me to succeed. Who can that be in your life? Think about it. Pray about it. Let God pick your accountability partner. =)
I don’t want to steer you wrong. During those years I absolutely still heard from God. Just not daily. I was not seeking Him like He was my goal. More like a benefit here and there. How sad that I settled for that! How awful that the scheme of satan was carried out for so long! I can almost hear the conversation in hell now… “Keep her tired. Keep her asleep. Keep her resentful. Keep her offended. Keep in her in a state of self-pity…because it is working. She’s rendering herself less powerful. She’s making our job easy.”
Ugh! Makes me physically sick to think about. It brings tears to my eyes to write. And it makes me angry way down deep. So deep that it is as if my blood boils just to speak of it. Ever felt like that? I guess if my anger makes me turn this time to proving satan wrong…I can handle it. Again I say…I am going to be stubborn in my faith. =)
Don’t let another day go by that you choose to sleep, watch mindless tv, surf the internet…over revelations from God. God is helping me to write a devotional in my time with Him. All I have to do is be awake!
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
What was special about Philip?
This was were I plopped myself yesterday afternoon to write today’s post. (All the kids in my house were resting. And after my 10 minute power nap…I was ready to write!) What do you see in the above picture?
Here is a closer shot. I have my journal. My devotional. My cup of hot cocoa. (Disappointing! I was going for a peppermint hot cocoa like I’ve been hooked on at McDonald’s this season…but the candy cane I thought was peppermint…was strawberry. Such a bummer! Not pepperminty in the least!) I have my computer. And I have my fave candle! I meant to turn it around for you all to see…but I clearly forgot. Anyway, it is called Country Christmas. I am obsessed with it. God blessed me with it for Christmas…funny story! You can get them online. To check out the site click here! It is worth the money…promise. =)
Doesn’t that scene just make you want to journal? It does me! And so here is the product of my afternoon…
What was so special about Philip you ask…funny you should mention that. I was just reading about Philip in Acts chapter 8 today. You know what I remembered that I already know…but too often forget? Philip was ordinary. He was human. He was real. His story is not a fairytale. Nor is it embellished. It is simple truth…with a divine appointment.
Why does that matter to you? Because you hear from God.
When you drive by an accident and feel the sudden urgency to pray for the people involved…that is God.
When you see a mother struggling with her child in the store and you feel the desire to smile and encourage her…that is God.
When you feel a tug on your heart to give to someone less fortunate than you, anonymously…that is God.
When your child comes to you and says they aren’t feeling well and you immediately sense to pray instead of calling the doctor…that is God.
You hear from God. You just need to be reminded sometimes. So what makes you so special? Well…I pray that you have a personal relationship with the Trinity. I pray that you have asked Christ into your heart to be your Lord and Savior. I pray that you entrust all that you have to God to take care of. I pray that you seek the Holy Spirit to converse with you often. Whether it through singing, praying, writing…etc.
The reality is that you are not special. I am so sorry if that offends you. (In my days…to be called ‘special’ wasn’t all that good anyway.) With that being said, the God that I pray lives IN you…is remarkable. He is unlike any other. He is flat out amazing! He is Healer. He is Restorer. He is Love. He is Grace. He is Peace. He is Awesomeness at its finest. =)
So back to Philip. Let’s read just part of the story. (I encourage you to read the whole thing on your own. All of Acts chapter 8 is good.) But let’s stick with Acts 8:26-27 & 29-30.
26-27 “An angel of the Lord said to Philip, ‘Get ready and go south…’So Philip got ready and went” –Did you hear him ask questions? Did he wonder why he was going? Did he complain about going on a road-trip because he really didn’t feel like it? Did he question if it was really something from God? I didn’t read anything that says he did. Huh? Interesting! How would I react?
29-30 “The Spirit said to Philip, ‘Go to that chariot and stay near it.’ So Philip ran toward the chariot.”-Again…no questions. Again…no delay. This time…he actually ran. He may have even looked a bit silly. (I would if I were the one running towards a stranger. Haha!) Maybe the man sitting in the chariot thought a crazy man was running towards him. To his benefit though…Philip listened to the Spirit of the Lord. He did not question. He did not waiver.
What was the gain? Eternity! Philip witnessed to and baptized that man that day. That man is in eternity with the King of Kings because of the crazy man running towards him. What made Philip special? He was willing. He was bold. He was more concerned about the eternity of another brother…than the possibility of being rejected.
How about you? When you hear the voice of God in a small whisper to your conscience…what do you do? Sadly, sometimes I question. Sometimes I speak boldly. Sometimes I say No. Am I ashamed to admit some those things?…nope. Not happy about it. But my God practices grace…ALWAYS. He is a patient God. He longs for me to get it right…for me! He will continue to give me opportunities to see Him shine. I am getting stronger by the day. And I am loving the days that I speak boldly for my Father. The more I realize that He is faithful to the end…the more I gain confidence in my ability to hear Him correctly.
I prayed that I would hear him clearly today, in fact. I was praying over 3 specific things. And when I heard…I wanted to wish I hadn’t asked. (Please tell me you have been there. Haha!) I didn’t so much like the answer. But that was part of my prayer. “God, I don’t want it to be the easiest answer. I want it to be YOUR will. Whatever that might be.” So, now I know His will…and I must walk in it. =) Boldly!
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Miracles follow faith
It has been an amazing holiday season for us here in the Knapp house. For anyone who knows what is happening here right now…that might not make sense. But, we serve a God that is Good, All The Time! God has met us where we are…and He is bringing us to a place of strength. A place of confidence in His voice. A place of unity. A place of peace. This is an amazing place to be. =) It doesn’t always feel amazing…but the result will be remarkable. Unlike anything we could’ve come up with on our own.
So, let’s get to the blessings and miracles, shall we? =) So glad you asked!!
This Christmas season that just passed us was looking like it was going to a sad one. Lots of things were happening that were trying to take us down. All in just one week’s time Eric’s job became very shaken, he hit a deer with his brand new truck, he stepped on a nail and his foot got infected. To top it all off…Aiden came home from school on the day that we were going to my Mom’s for Christmas…WITH PINK EYE! Ugh! I do not tell you these things to gain your sympathy. Believe me…this story has an amazing ending. *smiles huge here*
What I hadn’t told anyone (and I do mean anyone),was that God had told me that at this Christmas party at my Mom’s house that Friday night (the week before Christmas)…He was going to restore a relationship that had severed. Circumstances that are not at all important now, had led mine and my husband’s relationship with my brother and his wife to be cut off. It had been almost a year and half I believe. So you can understand why I was so annoyed that the enemy try to keep this from happening by giving my son the highly contagious pink eye.
Since Eric was going to the doctor’s office anyway for his foot…he took Aiden along to get his eye looked at. Our suspicions were confirmed. It was in fact pink eye. When Eric and Aiden got home…I decided it was time to tell Eric of God’s plan for the night. We went to the barn (me walking…and Eric hobbling)…and I very confidently told Eric that I felt God telling me to pray as a family for Aiden’s eye to be healed. Next I said that WHEN his eye was healed, we would take that as proof that God did want us to go restore what was broken. You see…in order for restoration to take place…we needed four willing parties. My husband, myself, my brother, and his wife. I told Eric that we needed to apologize for how we handled our end of the situation…and trust that God was preparing their hearts to accept.
Eric was in a place that was very unlike him. But then again…so was I! =) For the first time since Eric and I got married (10 1/2 years ago)…Eric had to rely wholly on my ability to hear God. Usually I am more of confirmation for him through my prayer and devotional time. This time…he had to trust something that he didn’t necessarily ‘feel’. Does that make sense? He had A LOT of his mind…and this was asking him to put himself out there and possibly be laughed at…or rejected. These are not comfortable places for him to be. Trust is something that God is renewing in Eric…and this was step one. Integrity is something that God is restoring in Eric…and this was step one. Emotional connection is something that God is teaching Eric…and this was step one. Spiritual leadership is something that God is increasing in Eric…and this was step one. See what I mean? The end result will be amazing…but the process can sting a bit.
Because of Eric’s confidence in my faith…over his ‘feeling’ he agreed. We went back down to the house and he led us all in prayer over Aiden’s body. One by one we all prayed, with the exception of Levi who is only 1. =) When we were finished…Eric had to leave for a little while. So I got busy! I sent out texts to as many as I could reach. I didn’t even get through my whole contact list because I was responding back and forth to so many. I requested that people pray with us for the healing of Aiden. If you are one of the ones who responded to me…you know that I then said that there were two miracles to happen that day. And the healing was the lesser of the two. Response after response encouraged me to keep faith.
Soon I heard God say…prepare yourself for the party. I could either sit and wait for the healing…and then risk not going because we weren’t ready. Or I could prepare as if the healing was going to happen. So…I did just that. I showered. I got my kids ready. I went to the store to get ingredients for the appetizer I had planned to bring. Each time looking at the pink eye of Aiden…and believing that the healing that was already done in the supernatural…would manifest in the physical!
Soon enough Eric gets home and sees me getting ready. Perplexed a bit because Aiden’s eye does not ‘appear’ better at all…he asks what I am doing. I told him my plan…and he agreed to shower and prepare as well. It was now almost party time…and my husband says…”Ok now what?” I responded…”Drive.” Pretty soon, we were there and wanted to check Aiden’s eye one more time to see if it was better. It appeared, in the dark night with a flashlight from Eric’s phone…that his eye was still pink. I still stood on my word from God and in we went. Greeted with hugs and excitement…I knew what we had to do first. Restore.
The conversation was much simpler than the enemy had convinced me it would be…again for over a year! Apologies were stated. Love was behind each word said and received. Brokenness was covered by grace. Anger was covered by forgiveness. Lies were covered by God’s truth. Forgive and you will be forgiven. Above all else…LOVE! We all exchanged hugs and agreed to keep in better contact. After all…it was our children that suffered without fault in all of this. =(
That is it. Two miracles in one night. The Master has miracles like this in store for all of His beloved. “He is just looking for someone to believe!” That was a prophesy spoken over our church the Sunday before all of this happened. Do you believe in your ability to be healed? Do you believe that God longs for restoration in the relationships that have been strained/severed? Do you believe that God is all-knowing? All-powerful? Omni-present?
Believe! And ask God to help you with your unbelief! (<=Thanks for that reminder Erin!) The revelations of God will come to you at the perfect time. Believe that God speaks to you…and go with Him. He will lead you down a path of righteousness…always!
So, let’s get to the blessings and miracles, shall we? =) So glad you asked!!
This Christmas season that just passed us was looking like it was going to a sad one. Lots of things were happening that were trying to take us down. All in just one week’s time Eric’s job became very shaken, he hit a deer with his brand new truck, he stepped on a nail and his foot got infected. To top it all off…Aiden came home from school on the day that we were going to my Mom’s for Christmas…WITH PINK EYE! Ugh! I do not tell you these things to gain your sympathy. Believe me…this story has an amazing ending. *smiles huge here*
What I hadn’t told anyone (and I do mean anyone),was that God had told me that at this Christmas party at my Mom’s house that Friday night (the week before Christmas)…He was going to restore a relationship that had severed. Circumstances that are not at all important now, had led mine and my husband’s relationship with my brother and his wife to be cut off. It had been almost a year and half I believe. So you can understand why I was so annoyed that the enemy try to keep this from happening by giving my son the highly contagious pink eye.
Since Eric was going to the doctor’s office anyway for his foot…he took Aiden along to get his eye looked at. Our suspicions were confirmed. It was in fact pink eye. When Eric and Aiden got home…I decided it was time to tell Eric of God’s plan for the night. We went to the barn (me walking…and Eric hobbling)…and I very confidently told Eric that I felt God telling me to pray as a family for Aiden’s eye to be healed. Next I said that WHEN his eye was healed, we would take that as proof that God did want us to go restore what was broken. You see…in order for restoration to take place…we needed four willing parties. My husband, myself, my brother, and his wife. I told Eric that we needed to apologize for how we handled our end of the situation…and trust that God was preparing their hearts to accept.
Eric was in a place that was very unlike him. But then again…so was I! =) For the first time since Eric and I got married (10 1/2 years ago)…Eric had to rely wholly on my ability to hear God. Usually I am more of confirmation for him through my prayer and devotional time. This time…he had to trust something that he didn’t necessarily ‘feel’. Does that make sense? He had A LOT of his mind…and this was asking him to put himself out there and possibly be laughed at…or rejected. These are not comfortable places for him to be. Trust is something that God is renewing in Eric…and this was step one. Integrity is something that God is restoring in Eric…and this was step one. Emotional connection is something that God is teaching Eric…and this was step one. Spiritual leadership is something that God is increasing in Eric…and this was step one. See what I mean? The end result will be amazing…but the process can sting a bit.
Because of Eric’s confidence in my faith…over his ‘feeling’ he agreed. We went back down to the house and he led us all in prayer over Aiden’s body. One by one we all prayed, with the exception of Levi who is only 1. =) When we were finished…Eric had to leave for a little while. So I got busy! I sent out texts to as many as I could reach. I didn’t even get through my whole contact list because I was responding back and forth to so many. I requested that people pray with us for the healing of Aiden. If you are one of the ones who responded to me…you know that I then said that there were two miracles to happen that day. And the healing was the lesser of the two. Response after response encouraged me to keep faith.
Soon I heard God say…prepare yourself for the party. I could either sit and wait for the healing…and then risk not going because we weren’t ready. Or I could prepare as if the healing was going to happen. So…I did just that. I showered. I got my kids ready. I went to the store to get ingredients for the appetizer I had planned to bring. Each time looking at the pink eye of Aiden…and believing that the healing that was already done in the supernatural…would manifest in the physical!
Soon enough Eric gets home and sees me getting ready. Perplexed a bit because Aiden’s eye does not ‘appear’ better at all…he asks what I am doing. I told him my plan…and he agreed to shower and prepare as well. It was now almost party time…and my husband says…”Ok now what?” I responded…”Drive.” Pretty soon, we were there and wanted to check Aiden’s eye one more time to see if it was better. It appeared, in the dark night with a flashlight from Eric’s phone…that his eye was still pink. I still stood on my word from God and in we went. Greeted with hugs and excitement…I knew what we had to do first. Restore.
The conversation was much simpler than the enemy had convinced me it would be…again for over a year! Apologies were stated. Love was behind each word said and received. Brokenness was covered by grace. Anger was covered by forgiveness. Lies were covered by God’s truth. Forgive and you will be forgiven. Above all else…LOVE! We all exchanged hugs and agreed to keep in better contact. After all…it was our children that suffered without fault in all of this. =(
That is it. Two miracles in one night. The Master has miracles like this in store for all of His beloved. “He is just looking for someone to believe!” That was a prophesy spoken over our church the Sunday before all of this happened. Do you believe in your ability to be healed? Do you believe that God longs for restoration in the relationships that have been strained/severed? Do you believe that God is all-knowing? All-powerful? Omni-present?
Believe! And ask God to help you with your unbelief! (<=Thanks for that reminder Erin!) The revelations of God will come to you at the perfect time. Believe that God speaks to you…and go with Him. He will lead you down a path of righteousness…always!
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