Dear Dad

As I sit here at my desk, drinking my coffee and eating my grits, I am thinking of you.  I can't help but to think of you whenever I have grits (and sweet tea).  As I type it is clear to me that I have a mission field in mind this morning.  You.  I have been relentlessly praying for you these last couple of weeks.  Though I will admit, that some days I don't have much to say.  During those times I am just still before the Lord.  Quiet, as I just let Him see my heart's cry.  I keep asking Him..."What am I to do?"

God's response...tell him what I want him to know.  Speak my Heart through yours and let it be Me that takes if from there.

If I never see you face to face again...here is what I want you to know.  

You have value to me.  You are irreplaceable.  Your constant prayers are a vital part of why I am who I am today.  God heard every one and He has stayed close to me through every tear I have shed.  He has protected me and healed me over and over again.

You are a part of my story.  My faith.  My ministry.  My family.  We will carry on the legacy that Jesus began in and through you.

Your grandchildren love you.  They love to hear your voice.  (My daughter says you sound like a cowboy.  Haha!)  They think of you often.  They want desperately to make some memories with you.  Until then...they will continue to love you and pray for their Grandpa James.

Your mission field looks much different than most; BUT, it is still your mission field.  God continues to place you where He knows you are needed.  You speak of your Savior boldly and without an ounce of regret.  My grandpa was also like that...and I very much respect that passion in you both.  You are not done on this side of Heaven.  God's work through you has not yet been completed.  Your children and your grandchildren still need your fervent prayers when they rise to begin a day and while they sleep.  We need you to fight for us and with us.

Your days are numbered...and only God knows the beginning of your eternity.  There is a reason that He does not give that decision to us.  It's because we are not all-knowing.  We are not omni-present.  We can't see what is to come.  We can't think past our own perspective some days; to see how far the  ripple of ending our life would extend.   

I know that the enemy will not stop pursuing us because he fears our prayers.  He shudders at the sound of our voices.  He wants nothing more than to silence the loudest advocates for the cause of Christ.  We have an eternal mission in our days...and we courageously walk in our calling.  We are the worst type of Christian to satan.  Confident.  Bold.  Sassy.  And relentless....     Even when I am feeling weak I whisper, and the enemy hears it.  I keep saying these words over and over again...

"I WILL NEVER STOP FIGHTING YOU!"  

I want the enemy to hear my voice.  I want satan to know that he will not dictate my future.  No matter what he throws at me, I will not bow to him.  I need you to fight, Dad.  My kids need you to fight, Dad.  God has spoken and He is not finished with you, Warrior.  I bow beside you in prayer, Mighty Warrior.  I place my hand on your back, scarred from battle.  I see the places where the arrows that were meant for me...pierced you.  I am thankful for your fight.  Beyond grateful.  

But now I need you to stand up with your armor on and your knees shaking...and tell the enemy Who your Daddy is.  I need you to boldly approach the Throne of Grace, for it is there that you will find rest and strength.  I need you to kneel at the foot of the cross and proclaim that you, a son of the King, will submit to His authority for the rest of your days.  You have a family to live for!

Until I see you again....

I love you so much Dad! 

  -Sugar 

The Sacrificial Victim

Victim.
I have come to truly hate that word.
Because a true victim does not have a choice.
And they never deserve what they receive.

Have you ever had to watch your child walk through a trial so completely and heart-wrenchingly devastating, that you found yourself pleading with God? Desperate. Like you would do anything, ANY. THING. to just take it away. To heal their brokenness. To rescue them. To restore them to what they once were; carefree, joyful, without a worry in the world.

For some of us, our children are dealing with constant torment from others. (Being bullied is no joke.  It truly brings out the worst in people.)  For other children it is a traumatic life event that haunts their days. Maybe it's a family separation for their safety. Maybe an array of varying types of (mental, sexual, physical, verbal) abuse.  Maybe divorce of their parents, or the death of someone they loved. Or maybe it is the devastating moral failure of someone they respect(ed).  Maybe it is a series of poor choices that come with heavy and irreversible consequences.

Although we are all walking our very own path; all while our kids are simultaneously walking theirs...I am guessing that we all ask the same question.

Why?  Why do I have to watch them suffer?  Why can't I fix this?  Why aren't YOU fixing this, God?  Why aren't You taking their pain away?  I AM PLEADING YOU!!!!

But what if we (moms, dads, caregivers) had a choice....

Would we choose...

1.) ...what was best not only for the molding of our child's character after that of Christ, but also for the future of their role in the ministry that He began...no matter what that looked like....

OR

2.) ...what was easiest?

Ugh...gut punch.  That is a decision that I never want to make.  And, honestly, there is a good reason that God does not give us (parents) the option.  It's because we can not be trusted to choose what He Himself chose for His own son.  He chose what was best and never what was easiest.  And God's best plan for Jesus, has effectively changed the eternity of millions of lost and hurting people.  

To God, It. Was. Worth. The. Sacrifice.

Sacrifice.
It is something that we parents have to do often for our kids without a second thought.  We understand the role we are to play in their lives...and we give (more than we have some days) to ensure that their needs are met.  We take our cues from Christ and we give until we are exhausted and empty knowing, expecting, hoping, pleading that our Father will always fill us again.

What happens though, when the victim collides with sacrifice?  

What happens when the very act that made a person a victim...is what God uses to extend His heart's reach?  

And what happens to us, deep within our spirit, when God asks our child to be the sacrificial one?  

When He is using them to teach us just how faithful and omnipotent He is?  (Omnipotent defined: having unlimited power; able to do anything)
When His plans for their lives are more than we are imagining?  

When He is molding them through the pain of trial because only He has seen their life from beginning to end.  Only He knows who He has designed them to be, and what it will take to lead them there.  

Would we have ever have chosen for our child to sacrificially walk the road they are on...if that meant that God would use it for their future mission field?  If it meant that some day they would meet someone who IS where they WERE...and through their raw, messy, gut-honest testimony of God's faithfulness and goodness...they would BE LIVING PROOF that there is ALWAYS HOPE, for a future free of debilitating fear and heavy burden.  ALWAYS TRUTH, to cover and remove the weight behind the whispers of the enemy.  ALWAYS GRACE, to bring freedom from captivity of guilt and shame.  ALWAYS LOVE, after the trail of poor choice.

The sacrificial victim.  I know how impossible it seems to overcome.  I know how much it aches to watch.  I feel the sudden and uninvited flood of emotions that follow those 'past days' thought-patterns.  I am easily angered by the thought of the scheme that they enemy used to try to destroy my child.  

BUT GOD...
God has something that He has been desperately trying to teach me...and I have been so close to getting it.
SO. CLOSE.


There I sat, telling my wise counsel, of my recent Romans 8:28 moment.  I went into the conversation super excited to share how God had used my circumstance to speak life into another's story.  Romans 8:28 moments are those in which I help someone see what they are missing amidst their misery.  Because of where I am and what I've walked through...I have a credible word of encouragement to speak.  I am speaking as one who still flounders some days...but also one who is having way more strong days than weak ones.  (That was not always the case.  At one point, all I had was Sunday.  Sunday was my point of greatest strength...and every day after, was only barely above the point of drowning.) As I always say, these moments bring purpose to pain.  

I was genuinely happy to share my story, but within moments my smile quickly faded as my joy was syphoned out by sudden, crippling guilt.  God was speaking to my heart and my tears indicated that I was not there yet.  My brain wanted to be, but my heart was too afraid to let go and allow God's best plan to penetrate my pain.

If you have a few moments...please listen to The Unexpected Letter.  I could barely see the screen through my tears the first 4 times I watched it.  My favorite lines...

"I was not a victim of human plans

and I was certainly never a slave to you.

I am the victor." -Jesus

YES!!!!!  I am the victor.  I want to know, live, AND feel that...all of my days.  I want to scream it into the face of the devil and watch him cower away.  I know the God that I serve and I know that it is through the sacrifice of Jesus that my children will be victorious over every obstacle in their life.

God wants to know...do I trust HIM enough to say AND believe....that it was worth my child's sacrifice?  That God knew their hearts intimately and because of that He knew what they were capable of overcoming.  He knew that we would be struck down but not destroyed because of our collective faith in Him.  He knew that we would help each other through the low times where we felt as though the end of the torment was far off.  

Can I know that my child's ministry in his/her future will bring forth healing to the victims who are where they once were?

I can.

I do.

If my child reaches into the lives of the broken and offers them living water that forever changes their course of eternity...it is worth it.  The price was paid by a Savior that taught us how to sacrifice with eternal purpose.  And that is a heart I would love to teach my sons and daughter to imitate.

Sum of the Lies Women Believe

If I had a penny for every lie I've ever believed...I would own stuff. Alotta stuff. It is in-cred-ib-ly infuriating for me to take a moment to think, for just a minute or two (so it doesn't become a 'dwell'), about some of the lies I believed in the last week. The enemy strung me along with his maddening nonsense for most it. I knew it was him. My Father does not, would not say those things to me. And yet...I could not shake them. They lingered in my thought patterns. I was reminded of them just when I started to forget.

God is using last week for this. #Romans8:28 I know that I am not the only woman who believes lies about themselves. I am not the only woman who entertains thoughts that were not originally hers. I am not alone in this battle of the mind. If I was...there would not be SO many books already written about it.

God spoke to me yesterday while I was push mowing my lawn. I'll admit I was complaining, in my head, about doing it; even though...it was a perfect day for mowing. Not too hot. Breezy. Sunny. It was nothing like the monsoon our NW Pennsylvania summer was last year. Nor like the thick, muggy weather we had last week. I came in for a drink on one of my many 'breaks' and saw the sweetest message about my post from yesterday. When I went back to mow...God started speaking to me about today's post. See how all it took to break my crappy thought pattern was one sentence of encouragement from a random person. (When God asks you to offer words that are nourishing to another's soul...even if they seem small...do it! You can be the change in someone's downward spiral of a day.)

Let's move on to some of the lies. Some I have believed. Some I have not. The same will go with you.

-If i am larger than a -0....I am not and can not be beautiful

-If I am a size -0...i know i am beautiful and am therefore happy, always.

(FYI *I, on purpose, chose a number that is not real. It is not about a size, it is about God's masterpiece, You.*)

-Pinterest is real life! (...for everyone,but you.)

-If your kids are wearing 'non-church clothing' to church...you are clearly lazy and don't care.

-If your kids are dressed nicely at church, your morning was full of nothing but peaceful, sweet moments captured on camera
*There was clearly no screaming to brush. your. stinking. hair.  Or, frustrated last minute changes of clothes because the mud puddle was just. too. much. to. resist.*

-Your job defines you.

-Their job defines them.

-Perfection is attainable.

-Women who are in ministry 'have it all together'.
-Women who aren't in ministry aren't doing enough.

-Pastor's wives don't have bad days because they are super-spiritual, extraordinary beings.
-Pastor's wives don't understand real life, because they don't have to live it.

-Stay at home moms are not doing enough.
-Working moms are doing too much.

Comparison. It is not something we had to learn to do. It came very naturally to us at a young age. The problem is that those things that we don't have to work to become...are, most times, what we are to be fighting against. What we need to ask ourselves is, would God compare me to another sinful, created being? Is that consistent with the nature of our God who is so full of love that He sent his son to die for those He knew would reject Him? OR, would he instead see us THROUGH a Man who was tempted in every way...and was sinless?

Did you notice the title of today's post? It was purposeful. I know the difference between some and sum, promise! It was an intentional decision to use the word sum. Alone, each lie we hear and carry on with us for any length of time, might not feel too burdensome. Add a couple more and they become a bit more noticeable. What about when we have heard, accepted, and are dragging along a large sum of lies. Some of them from family members. Some of them from friends. Some of them from strangers. Some of them concocted in your own brain. It becomes increasingly harder to remember who you really are. It becomes even more difficult to BE who you really are because one by one you unknowingly let someone else's thoughts define you. <--- That someone...satan.

For today, try to take captive, every. thought. that God would not say to your heart.  He would not remind you of your mistakes, without truth to dismantle them.  He would not dwell on your flaws and weaknesses for the purpose of keeping you in a depressed state.  If you KNOW His voice, you know..."God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him." John 3:17  He takes your life seriously.  Very seriously. I heard it said one day recently, "You were worth Jesus to God."

Your worth is not in anything that you can acquire here.  Your worth is not in how stylish you can look.  Your worth is not in your position at work.  Your worth is in Christ.  He was there at the beginning, and He will be there at your end.  If you believe that God sent His only Son to die for your sins, weaknesses, shortcomings, thoughts, actions, words...then He is Who you listen to.  It is HIS opinion of you that matters.  It is He that you will answer to for your choices...and it is He that is waiting to free you from the lies that overwhelm your days.

As for me...I would LOVE a chance to pray for you!  In person, over the phone, through social media, through email...whatever it may be.  It would help fulfill my purpose in posting today...if I could help you find a truth from the Living Word to cover over each lie you've been believing.  Please send them to me. One at a time. A whole list.  Just reach out and gain strength in your days. Let God intervene and stop your stinkin' thinkin.

Aborted Vision (Day TWENTY NINE-30 Day Challenge)

I want you to think right now of a vision that God gave you at some point in your life. I'm talking the type of vision that was maybe a bit intimidating to you. Or maybe it even scared you a little to think of what God would require of you. Or maybe it just seemed too far fetched to ever really happen. When you had one of those types of visions...what did you do with it? Did you pray and wait on God...or did you immediately abort it?

Do we tend to accept or abort these visions? Do we pray or play God on our own? 

A man that I know had this option when someone else cast a vision into his path. The pastor of the church he attended at the time, asked him to pray about doing a church plant. There was a little community church that needed some life and passion brought back into it. His immediate response was to abort the vision. He hadn't been saved for as many years as some and I'm sure there was a sense of inadequacy. I'm sure fear was involved. I'm sure the enemy had his whisper behind every doubtful thought that entered his head. But he agreed to pray about it.

That man is my Pastor. I'm so thankful that he did not abort God's vision for him. This community needs a man just like he is. Passionate about the lost. Stubborn for convictions he believes in. Feisty when he needs to be. Humble enough to say he doesn't know...and then to figure it out. Willing to believe for big things...even in small communities. Willing to cast God's vision for others to see and get excited about. 

Who would have missed out if he had aborted this vision without genuinely praying?

-The 86 people that got baptized on August 18th of this year. (Two of which were my own children, one grandma-in-law, and two of my husband's cousin's children!) =)

-The many many salvations that he has been a part of personally...but also the ones that happened through other ministries within the church that he committed to bringing back to life.

-The man who was delivered from being demon possessed.

-The people who have been healed from sickness, disease, infection, virus, bacteria, illness, pain, depression, etc.

-The lukewarm who decided not to stay that way and became fired up because of his evident flame of faith.

-The people who come every week. The broken and bruised. The tired and weak. Those lost and without hope. Who leave encouraged. Inspired. Joyful. Secure. Filled with new hope. 

-My own family would have missed out on new ministry opportunities, new friendships, new salvation, a new body of believers to war with and for, and blessings ga-lore! =)

-Last, he would have missed out on the greatest, most difficult and most fulfilling ride of his lifetime. 

I am so thankful that he prayed. I am so thankful that he was willing to be stretched and strengthened in his faith. Because every area that he is weak, God is strong! Where he lacks...God was already preparing him warriors/friends to fill in and help him uphold and feed the flock. I am so thankful to be a part of a team that pursues God's vision no matter what! The enemy can whisper. The enemy can scream and slander even. But God! God's vision is still clear in my pastor's mind...and he will relentlessly cling to and pursue it. And we have committed to do whatever God asks to make vision...reality. We easily follow a man with such audacious faith. We follow because we pray for his steps, and we trust the Heart that guides his.

Back in August, the leadership team of our church was blessed to be able to go to 'The Global Leadership Summit'. It was an amazing two days of intense leadership-oriented knowledge and challenges. The application...ugh...not as easy as the note taking. Bill Hybels was the first speaker and boy he just dove right in. His message was by far one of my favorites! I found it interesting that without knowing before hand; my favorite speakers from that summit where all pastors. I learned the most about the type of leader I aspire to be from them! 

Pastor Hybels was talking about this idea of aborting vision. He charged us to NOT be the type of leaders that Fed-Ex our God-given visions back to heaven with a cowardly note that says...return to sender. Or no thanks. Or send someone else. Instead he challenged us to be willing to pray Joshua 1:9. He said to pray it AS MANY TIMES AS IT TAKES! 

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for The Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9

Can you boldly proclaim that verse, as often and as many times as it takes, to move forward toward the vision God has given you? My challenge to you this week is to pray, fervently and passionately, about a vision that God has given you at some point in your lifetime. Pray if it is still His will for you to complete? AND tell someone that you trust to pray with you. 

The following questions from Pastor Hybels, were a couple of the hardest for me to answer. I want you to answer them right now. Please don't just think about them. Don't just move past and forget. Give God a few minutes and answer so that you won't be content with just knowing. I want you to admit where you are and be passionate about NOT STAYING THERE!

Read these questions with a heart soft and willing to admit. Answer them with a heart plyable. Mold able. Changeable. 

 "Just because no one knows, or ever knew, about a vision you aborted...is it okay? What if your vision/your new ministry...is someone's ONLY hope? And when you stand before God and give an account for these things He asked you to do...what will be your excuse? What could you say to Him?!"

Be courageous my friend. Stand up and fight for  these dreams God has given you. They are not silly. They are not too far fetched. God says..."I have immeasurably more for you! You can not measure what I have because your scale is not mine. Trust MY vision above what you imagine. I am God. You are man."

Today...begin to dare to dream big. Tell people your vision. And do not be a squelcher of other believers visions! Just believe God is God and He knows better than you. Let Him to His job...He is MUCH better at it!! =)

The Traveler (Day TWENTY FOUR-30 Day Challenge)

Your bags are packed and your shoes are on. You step out in faith because you've accepted the call. You've agreed to go to wherever God leads. For now all you can do is put one foot in front of the other. You are one part nervous and the rest anxious. You have no idea what to expect. You have no idea what you will face. You aren't even sure you can handle it...but you start walking. 

At first, your travels are smooth. You are enjoying the view and the people passing by seem friendly. You are feeling strong and gaining confidence that you are heading the right way. No sooner do you think that, and you notice the weather starting to get a little cooler. You aren't quite as comfortable and people don't seem to be looking around anymore. They seem consumed by their own travels. You reach out to them to offer them a drink and they gladly accept. You offer them words of encouragement and they perk up. They smile with sincerity and walk on with their heads looking forward to what is to come. 

You keep walking, still strong, still confident. The wind picks up. The dust from the road is making it increasingly more difficult to see. You can tell that this is a storm you are walking into and you want desperately to turn around. But you weren't happy there. Why in the world would you go back to stagnant? Why would you return to what wasn't effective? To what wasn't moving you or those around you? But, wait, how do you know if this storm is a sign?

The wind increases even more. Now your eyes are barely open. You can't see anyone on the road anymore because the dust is so thick. A sudden shot of regret fills your head...but your heart and your feet are still moving forward. You begin to wonder...how will I ever know if I am heading where God is leading?

A kind voice is heard beside you. It is a fellow traveler. They stand still beside the path and seem unaffected by the dusty wind. You recognize what you can see of their face. You saw them earlier on your path. You encouraged them. You gave them a drink of living water so that they might not thirst again. They are standing in the storm and they say, 'I am proof. You are going the right way. My path was headed toward darkness until you met me on my journey. This storm will pass. But now, remember me when you doubt.'  

You press on. Determined and courageous. All fear and doubt must leave because it has no place to reside in you. This same thing happens over and over again. Travelers that you met before now stand to cheer you on. 'Keep up the fight!' 'You are doing great!' 'I am praying for you!' One by one they come alongside you. Each one making it easier to whether the storm. 


Ministry is hard. I absolutely LOVE it...but boy is it hard some days. Those are the days that I wonder...did I choose the right path? Did I choose the right church? Did God tell us to stay...or was that our own desire? Am I in the right job...or should I give up and start over? Did I choose the right school for my children? Does God really WANT me to live in the snow belt of Pennsylvania? Really...does he? ;-)

Easy is not a foolproof implication that the choice you made is right. The enemy would LOVE for you to believe that. But truth is...if we are going along our daily lives and we aren't being challenged by the enemy...maybe we aren't being effective for the Kingdom either. If you are already headed away from the will of God...the enemy doesn't 'need' to lead you astray. He need only encourage you to stay!

If though...you are boldly living for Christ. If you are defeating the enemy at his game. If you are inviting others to come to church and praying with them to accept Christ...the war is so on. The enemy will hound. he will discourage. he will throw hurtful words at you...usually from people you love. he will distract you from moving forward. And he will get you to doubt if you are going the right way.

So how do you know? Are you making a difference? Who are the people on your path that were headed for eternity in hell...that are now following Jesus because you met them in their darkest hour? Salvation. People that are accepting Christ as their Lord and Savior...those are how you know you are on the same path that Jesus walked. Lives are being transformed...and you get to be a part of it. You give them the only thing that satisfies.

"Jesus answered, 'Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life." John 4:13-14

If you are struggling today with knowing if you are making a difference...write down the names of people you have encouraged this week/month/year. If you have someone that you led to Christ...write their name in BOLD. If you prayed with someone...write their name down. These are the people you think of when you doubt. When you doubt your call. When you doubt your ministry. When you doubt your position. When you doubt God. Picture the faces attached to the names you wrote down. They are your own personal proof. You are going the right way. Keep walking! The storm will pass...and your faith will be stronger! That is how Romans 8:28 works!

"You yourselves are our letter, written on our hearts, known and read by everybody. You show that you are a letter from Christ, the result of our ministry, written not with ink, but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts." 1 Corinthians 3:2-3  In my words, let the effectiveness of your life IN ministry be proven by the lives you have touched. When you help heal hearts broken or lost, by just being available and speaking what God says...you will need no other proof. There is nothing greater than for the spiritually lost to become saved, and the broken to be restored in Jesus Name!

If you are staring at a blank sheet of paper..do not feel condemned. Instead...set your sight on Jesus. Maybe the reason you aren't being effective is because you are walking away from your call instead of towards. Maybe you are being distracted from seeing the people that are struggling along your way. Let today be the day you choose to be inspired by greatness. Not by 'Vanesa the Great'...but by the example set by Jesus. Imitate Him always!

Wake up early and meet with God, just as Jesus did. "Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where He prayed." Mark 1:35

Let the person in front of you be the most important thing at that moment, just as Jesus did. "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." Ephesians 5:21

Pray for healing, just as Jesus did. "The whole town gathered at the door, and Jesus healed many who had various diseases." Mark 1:33-34

Pray for salvation among many, just as Jesus did. "Some men brought to Him a paralytic, lying on a mat. When Jesus saw their faith, He said to the paralytic, 'Take heart, son; your sins are forgiven.' " Matthew 9:2

Do not sell yourself short...because the same Jesus that walked this earth...lives within you! Keep walking with Him. Follow His voice...you are finishing the ministry that HE began! =)

Playing to Win (Day TWENTY THREE-30 Day Challenge)

There is one seat left. Slowly you walk towards the table. You are in the mood to play a game and you are hoping to get a clue as to what game is being played and how high the stakes are. The players are silent but eerily intense. They each have a name hanging from a lanyard around their necks, but it is too dark to make them out. You slowly approach hoping to get a better view. Just as you squint your eyes to try to focus...

...the empty chair is pushed your way. Something within you feels uneasy...and yet you are not scared. You sit and glance around the table. The faces of your opponents are covered from the nose down. You still can't make out any of their names as the leader begins to deal the hand. All eyes are on you. Some of them are cold and harsh...some intimidatingly inviting. You begin to realize that maybe this wasn't the friendly game you thought it was. 

You pick up your hand. These cards are far from a normal deck. All of your cards are the same except for one. Your first instinct is to run, but you don't. You desperately want to ask what they are playing, but you don't. You feel almost paralyzed. They seem to be enjoying your apparent discomfort. The first card is played by the man sitting at the head of the table? It contains only one word. 'Gossip.'

The other players laugh. They begin, one by one, laying down a card from their own hand. They are forming a circle around 'gossip'. One card says 'friend'. One said says 'sister'. Another says 'Co-worker'. There was just one more player before it was your turn. He looked straight into your eyes as he pulled his mask down. He smiled and winked as he laid down his card.

There it was in black letters on a white card. The word...'church'. It sent a chill down your spine and a lump to your throat. Your eyes shifted to the now exposed lanyard around the last man's neck. Destroyer. It wasn't a name at all...it was his job title.

Your pulse begins to pick up as you look down at your cards. The man at the head of the table tells you that your card is to be placed directly on top of his. You've got to cover the word gossip with......   Six of your cards have the same word, 'victim'. Only one is different.  You aren't sure when to play it. How will you know what is to come? Should you save it for something that might be worse than gossip?

You close your eyes for a moment and you see your sister. Your friend. Your co-worker. You can actually see specific times when you gossiped about them. And you can now see how they looked when they found out. You feel empty and sick. You know the time is near. The opportunity to gossip about someone in church. Your heart rate picks up even more. The uneasiness is turning to fear.

Shame gets up from his chair and kneels next to you. He is the cause of this guilt trip you are on right now...and he wants to see your anguish up close. Anger is there and he is up next. A tear falls down your check and you whisper a word. A name. Jesus.

You take your only card of hope and place it over 'gossip'. It reads...'victor'. The room gets loud. Shouts are coming from all directions. Joyous praises are heard from angels all around the room. You hadn't seen them before but now you see them as they praise Jesus with excitement because you just CHOSE to defeat gossip. From the table comes many angry sneers that you would dare use that Name in their presence. They know the significance of that victory. It will be just one of many!

"I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33

Peace surrounds you. You open your eyes now with confidence. You look at your hand and now all but one of the cards, say victor. You gained strength in your faith in Jesus with that decision. And your hand is now stacked in your favor. Sure you still have free will. You will always still have the choice to fall into temptation...but NOW it is outnumbered by victory!!

"In all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us." Romans 8:37

It is your choice. It always was. Victory was yours the moment you accepted Christ as your Lord and Savior. You were not meant to live a defeated life. You were not designed to be overcome by evil at every opportunity. God has victory for you...always. It may be a little messy to get to it...but it will be worth it.

The enemy knows that each time you accept defeat that you are more likely to do it again. he ALSO knows that when you choose victory, even if it goes against every natural desire you have; that you are more likely to choose it again! "Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit gives birth to spirit." John 3:6

The attacks of the enemy will continue. But the strength of his opponent...only grows. The more you allow Christ to break you free from the love of sin...the stronger you become in Him. You will always remember where you were...but you will no longer live in the death and destruction of it.

I know I write this a lot...but I truly mean it. It's not too late. If you have been caught up in sin...it's not too late for faith to gain strength in the Name of Jesus! It's not too late to choose victory, over victim. YOU allow yourself to be the victim of the enemy. YOU sometimes put others in the position of being the victim. It is always your choice. And even if you haven't been making the right ones...it's not too late. Never too late!

Say the name of Jesus right now. Scream it if you must. Know that there is POWER in that Name! Flee from sin. Flee from the places that draw you into sin. Flee from the people that encourage you to sin. Run to find a place where Jesus is welcome, living and active in the hearts of the people there. You choose. It's your life. And it will be only you on the day of judgement. It's not too late. It's never too late for you!

"The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ." 1 Corinthians 15:56-57

The Call of Grace (Day TWENTY TWO-30 Day Challenge)

Have you ever had one of those weeks that you would so NOT want to repeat?! Ugh...this was a week like that. I can't remember the last time I was that exhausted. I can't remember the last time when the battle of darkness vs light was so clearly evident. I can't remember the last time I had to refocus my emotions (sometimes moment after moment) to line up with Christ. I had to give up what I felt for what I knew. And.It.was.hard! I would feel joy...then sadness. Anger...then forgiveness. Turmoil...then peace. It truly was a battle!

So what was God doing while this battle raged? He was speaking to women in my life who had no idea what I was facing. And one by one, in their own battle of obedience, they spoke life and encouragement into me. Tears of joy and thankfulness were what I needed to cover over a heart that was wounded. Healing tears ran down my face because I knew that God was taking care of me. I didn't need to avenge anything. I only needed to be still and know that He is God!

"The righteous cry out, and The Lord hears them; He delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. A righteous man may have many troubles, but The Lord delivers him from them all; He protects all his bones, not one of them will be broken." Psalm 34:17-20

What does grace look like? If God's grace where anything like what you show to people when you 'feel entitled' to your emotions...would anyone want what you have? Are you drawing people towards...or pushing people away from grace? In the words of Beth Moore, "Are you trying to make people earn what you freely received?"

I have great news for you today!! It is not too late to learn how to be a person of grace. And it's not too late to realize that..."God doesn't call you because of your past." -Holly Wagner, 2013 WOF Tour

I had no idea how much I would need that reminder today. I was reviewing my notes from last weekend and that one stuck out like it was blinking in neon lights. "God didn't call you (or I) because of our past. He called us because of His future!" If any of us live in, or throw others into the shadows of past mistakes...we're choosing to live in the dark. When we ask, instead, for forgiveness from our sin, both from God and man, it.is.finished. The burden is lifted and freedom is your future.

How many of you have some things that you've done that you aren't proud of? How many of you let those things keep you from diving (diving as in all in, fully submersed) into ministry? How many of you feel unworthy to pray out loud over someone? Or how many of you are too ashamed to open up and talk about these things that hold you bound at your church's alter? Maybe you fear judgement from people. Maybe it is rejection that keeps you at a distance. 

Whatever it is...please know that God intended for you to move past these things. God will not always remove the consequence...but He will use everything for your good. I know I am not going to convince you with just one verse. I've quoted my life verse before because it states it just sooo perfectly. Romans 8:28. 

Someone who is stuck in the past, though, isn't looking forward. They aren't seeing the blessings that they are passing by until they are now part of the past. More anger and bitterness will soon follow because of the blessings in their rear view mirror that they missed. Someone will take that blame. Someone will receive their outburst of anger. It must be someone's fault!!!! 

I have to say that I am INCREDIBLY thankful that God doesn't choose us or pass us by because of our junk. You can let out a sigh of relief. Go ahead...I just did. =) You must also realize that the same is true for your neighbor. Your co-worker. Your Pastor. Your friends and family. The same sacrifice will set us all free from our past, if we believe and allow it.

God calls us because of His future for us. Ahhhh...that is grace. Grace covers and opens up the floodgates for a world of opportunities. If God left me in the shadow of my mistakes and failures I would have no purpose to write. I would have no reason to sing praises. I would have no voice to encourage. I would be wailing and wallowing in shameful defeat.

But God.

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." Psalm 147:3

God gets through our clouded mind, distorted view and sometimes thick skull. He speaks with a voice that can cut right through all the junk. His voice is clear. Not muffled. Not distant. It is close and familiar. He says simple words that pack a powerful gut punch. "Let go."

You stop for a moment. Unsure if you heard Him correctly. Let go?! Let go? That can't be right. 'Justice has my name on it. I can't let go...because then who will seek it? God, I need to cling to something and this is all I have right now. All my energy is going into...vengeance?'

Finally the mask has been lifted. Your view is no longer clouded. Clarity has been restored. You now see the enemy before you. he is holding out a beautiful gift box that is addressed to the one you accuse, or the one who wrongfully accused you. It has their name on it. But who is this gift of vengeance from? You read carefully and see that your name is first...but what is it that it says underneath? 

destroyer. author of lies. deceiver. darkness. shame. death. Love...satan and the gang.

Your mouth drops open, you step back and gasp. Why does that gift have your name on it!? You would never give a gift like that to anyone would you? Would you? You start to feel sick. How could I? Where can I hide? You turn to run. You turn to flee from this evil and...

God is right there. He was right behind you and He saw what you just saw. What is He holding? A golden box. He hands it to you with a reassuring smile. You trust Him so you open it and see what you hoped you never would. Tears begin to fill your eyes as you realize these nails you see have significance. They are what held Jesus on the cross. They are covered with His blood. You close your eyes in shame. Knowing what your heart could have easily just committed against another.

God lifts your chin. He looks into your tear filled eyes and says..."My child. The price has been paid."

The price for your past. The price for my past...it has been paid. I say we celebrate!!! Turn from any sins of your past and run into the arms of Christ. He was your sacrifice...and He wants to free you from anything that dares hold you bound. 

Jesus' grace is sufficient for me. (2 Corinthians 12:9) Is it for you?

Comparing Scars (Day TWENTY-30 Day Challenge)

Growing up, I never really did too many things that could've resulted in a scar. I was the wuss cautious one. Being the youngest AND the only girl amidst 3 older brothers...someone had to throw out a caution flag here and there. A couple of years ago I had surgery to correct an ankle injury from 7 years prior. The incision just after the surgery was absolutely disgusting. The resulting scar is a great reminder that I endured much pain to fix what needed corrected.


Their accusations cut deep. The fresh wounds they've sliced open are now right on top of her old scars. She has felt this pain before. The wounds that were healed are now again open. She hadn't ever forgotten how those scars got there. Forgetting didn't even seem possible. Betrayal from within her circle of trust, those wounds always cut deepest. How will she recover and heal this time? What didn't she learn the first time around? 

She thinks for a moment about telling Jesus how unfair and cruel it all seems. She looks up to Heaven ready to file her complaint and she is immediately brought to silence at what she sees. She can't help it. She wants to...but she can't look away. The Hand that is reaching out to start her healing...has been here before. Accusation is what placed those scars in His hands. She compares her wounds to Jesus' and realizes; His required much endurance. She can do this!

The pain that comes before healing is evident, sometimes doesn't seem worth it when you are in it. Just like the pain from my ankle surgery seemed too much to bear for a mother of four (one of which was only 7 months old). Life just seemed impossible. Everything was difficult. Every aspect of my days seemed like a chore. On day 12 I'm sure if given the option...I would have magically reversed the surgery. I would have said that the pain I was experiencing in that moment wasn't worth the final outcome. How angry I would be now had I given up! Because I promise...day 13 was like a light switch was flipped in my recovery process. Day 12 I was miserable and not able to walk without crutches. Day 13...I was hobbling around like a pro. And now...I am so thankful that I endured. My ankle is stronger. My life is easier. And my perspective on difficult times...is always look toward healing. It's probably closer than you think. If you are about to give up...you are ALMOST THERE!

"Moses answered the people, “Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still." Exodus 14:13-14

He does not attend to his fresh wounds alone this time around. Many warriors intercede at the leading of the Holy Spirit. Accusation. It may have caught him off guard...but it didn't knock him down like it had before. He knows where to go this time. His healing is close. His heart must first work through the initial 'entitlement to anger'. He gets through that step much more quickly than he did before. God is pleased and his son is released from all accusation. God knows. He remembers that all freedom came with a weighty price.

This man also knows full well that to wallow in his circumstance would only be stripping the Cross of its power and provision. When comparing scars with Jesus...He knows which one was cut and wounded more deeply. He bows his head and places his burdens at the foot of the cross. Jesus immediately takes those accusations from him. They are no longer his burden to carry. To some, his rapid healing almost seemed as though he had become calloused by his past. But Jesus knows better. He knows what surrender looks like. He rushes to his side. Jesus places His hand over the wounds of this man. The man can see his own blood through Jesus' scars. And for the first time he truly understands...

"Surely he took up our pain
    and bore our suffering,
yet we considered him punished by God,
    stricken by him, and afflicted.
 But he was pierced for our transgressions,
    he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was on him,
    and by his wounds we are healed." Isaiah 53:4-5

What is your position? When pain is inflicted on you by someone you trust, what is your response? Those first reactions say a lot about your character. Notice I didn't say your initial thoughts. We battle with our thoughts in those first days following betrayal or malicious slander. That process is necessary for weeding out the evil thoughts from ever becoming something you act on.

What wounds are you still trying to nurse that God is saying..."I long to heal." You keep scraping off your scab because the enemy is causing irritation. Itching. Discomfort. What you don't realize is that you are reopening what was almost a scar of wisdom. Whatever you endure...it will make you stronger. Not calloused. Not hardened...but strong. I declare it in Jesus name!! =)

Run After Defeat (Day SEVENTEEN-30 Day Challenge)

I'm not asking, better yet, I'm not suggesting that you accept defeat. I'm not telling you to lay down and give the enemy victory. Oh no no no no. I have not endured without gaining at least a few sweet morsels of knowledge. And I cling to what I have been taught through my times of greatest defeat. I am challenging you again today to run AFTER defeat(ing). I don't want defeat to consume you in a negative way. I want you to pursue the act of defeating. Do you see the difference?

She walks down the hall of her workplace. Today was her first day back after her devastating tragedy. Her mind races with questions. She wonders how she will face these people again? Can she really hold it together for an entire work day? And then again, day after day after day. How can she tell people that she really needs normal again...but she has no idea how to get there?

A woman walks up to her registration counter at the hospital with a simple order from her doctor. Just the sight of this woman makes her heart beat faster with anxiety. As she looks down at the paper...a single tear falls. As she begins asking the woman questions to verify her current address and such...the tears will.not.stop. The expectant mother goes along her way, very confused by a strangers tears.

And there this girl sits at her desk...defeated. God sees her. And He says to Himself, "That's one."

She remembers a few weeks back when it was her that was coming in for a sonogram. She also remembers the day of her last one. She knew what the outcome would be before she ever went in. 'Complications in pregnancy' had never ended well for her. The sonogram technician was silent. In fact, the air in the room was heavy with silence. Everyone knew, but no one would speak. A baby at sixteen weeks should be moving and active. He was not. His heart should be visibly beating. It was not. His measurable size should coincide with his gestational age. It did not.

At the suggestion of her occupational health nurse, she leaves work early that day. She can't bear to keep seeing these expectant mothers. She hates that she can't control her emotions. She does not want to feel bitter towards these women in their happiest hour, so she just removes herself from it all together.

She unwillingly attends the parties on that Christmas day. It was her first Christmas as a newlywed and as a mother. A grieving, broken, childless mother. She had delivered and held her son in her bathroom just five days before Christmas that year. Why had he stopped growing at 11 weeks? How would she ever forget what he looked like? How could she? As one of the only three people that saw him that night...how could she dare forget her son?

She quietly and without faking joy, opens gifts on that Christmas day...defeated. God sees her. He says to Himself, "That's two."

She attends her favorite morning women's bible study. It's full of women she loves. She trusts. She clings to. They are reading a book together that has nothing to do with miscarriage or mourning. But that is all she can think of. It seems to consume every part of her day. She wants to speak but she is sure they are tired of listening. She longs for fervent prayer from these women of faith but she does not ask.

She went hoping to be uplifted and by her choice she left...defeated. God sees her. And He says to Himself, "That's three."

Defeat came to her in many different forms. It came without her realization some days. Other times defeated mocked her and dared slap her in the face. God was there for each one. He saw. And He knew how many times she would accept defeat before she would allow Him to help her overcome it. He counted. Each time a little more excited for her day to come. She was not inviting Him to overcome her defeated spirit yet...but He knew it was coming. It was close!

I know much about that woman...because I am her. I lived many years IN defeat. I didn't ask for God's solutions...because I had come to know this solemn place in which I spent my days. It seemed too hard to climb out of It. Becoming healthy seemed too far away for me to grasp. So I stayed. IN DEFEAT!

But that day I described. That day when I invited God to my circumstance. He said, "THAT'S IT! That was the last time my child. Stand up against your enemy. You will no longer take his position as the defeated. Stand up...I've been waiting and I'm ready to fight with you!" That day came. That day changed my faith. 

Now, I'm the one mocking the enemy with defeat. "No weapon forged against you will prevail..." Isaiah 54:17 Forged-to give form or shape to, especially by means of careful effort. Prevail-to be greater in strength; triumph. Let's re-write that verse with those two key words defined. 

"No weapon formed against against you by means of careful effort will triumph." 

On the days you feel weak. On the days you want to give up. On the days your fight is failing. Remind the enemy, out loud, of this verse. Quote it often. Scream it if you need to. Just let it be known that he does not win.

Pursue defeat. Hunt the enemy down in his scheme. Learn to fight him with the truth. he's no match for our Sword. he knows all about what it contains...and he trembles when you gain strength from it. I read a quote a couple weeks ago that stated my point exactly. It is my new favorite!!

"If the enemy knew what I would be after the storm, he would have left me alone." 

(Borrowed from Chrystal Evans Hurst's Facebook page. She is the daughter of Pastor Tony Evans :-)  )

Retreat or Defeat (Day SIXTEEN-30 Day Challenge)

If you are a reader, hearer and follower of the Word of God...I can guarantee that you've read the passage of scripture that I'm starting with today. I do have a specific point though...so stay with me. Don't skip and don't skim over them. (Confession #862,379...I do that which I just asked you not to. Sometimes when I'm reading a devotional, I skip the Bible verses if I deem it too long of a passage for my alotted time. And if its just one single verse...I may skim it...but I don't really 'pay attention'. I was challenged this weekend by the idea that in each decision you make you are either walking towards God or away. Which is it? Am I going to pass over the Word of Life that has carried me through my darkest hours? Or will I willingly read with fresh perspective? Can you see...I'm there with you. I know struggle because, by my choice, some days I struggle. Let's defeat!)

The Armor of God

" Finally, be strong in The Lord and in His mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything,      to stand. 

Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish ALL the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God." Ephesians 5:10-17

I almost missed it. Oh how close I came. If I had had Internet in my home this morning...I would.have.missed.it! I literally just got done telling you to NOT skim and skip over those exact verses and I kind of thought about doing it myself. Oh the enemy is sly but he is not smart. You see, if I had had the Internet I would have gone onto the bible gateway app and copied and pasted those verses so I didn't have to type them from my iPad screen. And if I had done that I would have missed it because I wouldn't have read it. I've read it before. I can quote it. But God was asking me to read it again. He had a fresh revelation that needed a heart willing to have fresh perspective. 

See...I have admitted before and I will say it again...I am not above you. I am preparing myself in the trenches of battle...with you. I'm fumbling to remember or take the time to pick up my armor some days. I leave it laying untouched on my nightstand. I promise to do it later...and I run out the door. Un-armed. Exposed. 

Let's try to picture now what the enemy just saw. 

"She's wide open today boys. Our plan to have her fall back asleep after she knew she was supposed to wake up and read her bible...it worked like a charm. The enemy smiles at his accomplishment. She is missing a chunk of her sword today. I bet HE was going to prepare her for this battle coming. Lets not waste our time boys. Our attack must come quick. We want to catch her off guard. We want to start her day day off stumbling...in hopes that she will soon fall. You, satan points to the ugliest and most skilled of his warriors. You have been working like a charm since the garden. Shame...it is you that will start her day. I want shame to be what she feels first, before compassion or love. I want the guilt of her 'choice' to sleep today to be a constant weight that clouds her vision. We need to knock that shield of faith out of her hand while she is unaware. I want these arrows to pierce her deep. his voice begins to quiver. I have seen what she is capable of. We do not want her to pull that Sword on us. We are no match for that. Those Words of Truth cover every lie we have. Pursue her, Shame. Remind her of what she did today. Make sure you take Disappointment with you. I have to go look for Depression. He always follows you. GO! And do not relent!"

That was really hard for me to write. I picture that conversation happening because of a few extra minutes of sleep that I sometimes choose over my morning devotion time. When you allow your heart to see it as a spiritual battle that is unseen by your eyes...but surely felt...it is easier to fight. Put yourself in that scenario above when you go to roll over in bed. Wake up and meet with God because He longs to give you exactly what you need for THAT day. He will help you be an overcomer rather than an open target.

Now let's look at what I could've missed. Something small that I have missed EVERY time I have read this passage before. "Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything   ,   to stand." I finally saw the comma before the last two words of that verse. I had never read it with that puncuation. I read it as a continuance to the verses that followed. But when you read it with that intended pause...you see what it really says. After you have put on the full armor of God. After you have done everything, remember 'to stand'.

God needs us standing up and ready. He needs our feet firmly placed and braced for attack so that it doesn't knock us over when it suddenly hits. He needs us to know that when we feel weak; when our faith is lacking...He has already given us the tools to know which piece of armor is missing.

And how about your back? Which one of those pieces of armor covers your back? NONE! (Thank you for that blaring reminder Holly Wagner!) You are not armed for retreat. When you marriage is hard...you were not meant to walk away. When God's people throw out false accusations against you...you are not equipped to run. It is the front of you that is protected by God. It is the front that braces against the winds of the storm. It is the front that walks into the difficult path because they see God in it. You were created to face opposition with confidence in Jesus.

"For I will give you words and wisdom that none of your adversaries will be able to resist or contradict. You will be betrayed even by parents, brothers, relatives and friends, and they will put some of you to death. All men will hate you because of Me. But not a hair of your head will perish. By standing firm you will gain life." Luke 21:15-19

Those words are from the lips of Jesus Himself. The heading in my Bible reads, 'Signs of the End of the Age'. Don't freak out. Stop freaking out. NOthing catches God off guard. Nothing surprises Him. Stand firm and gain life my friend. Even your hair is important enough for God to protect!

Watch and See (Day NINE-30 Day Challenge)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                               –1 Peter 3:4

When people see you…who/what do they see? I’m talking, what if we were never able to engage in conversation with the lost of this world? What if all they could do was watch us? (Which they absolutely are!!)

 

What if they could only…

• Watch how you treat other Christians.
• Watch how you look at someone with different convictions than you. (Ex. tattoos, shopping on Sunday, clubbing, homosexuality, etc)
• Watch how you talk to your children while you walk through Wal-Mart.
• Watch how you treat your waitress when she messes up your order.
• Watch how you talk to the ‘unfair’ coach of your child’s team.
• Watch how you handle someone who is spreading rumors.
• Watch how you speak to a bill collector, salesman or telemarketer.
• Watch how you take the time, or pass on by, to the hurting and needy right in front of you.
• Watch how you minister to another soul that is just as lost and in question as they are. Are you condemning? Are you better than thou? Are you compassionate? Are you always ready and waiting/willing? Are you passionate? Do you show them love?

If you never got to say a word. If the voices of all Christians, were silent in the ears of the lost…would they still know? Would they see Christ by watching? Would our faces reflect His love and glory? Would our actions prove what our mouths profess? Would our eyes be looking for them…or would they be focused ONLY on our agenda?

“And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into His likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.” 2 Corinthians 3:18   Know that non-Christians and struggling Christians are watching without intent to ever converse to let you tell your ‘excuses’. Understand that you are a platform for what faith looks like. It does not matter if you don’t want that responsibility. It became yours to uphold, back on day one, when you accepted Christ.  Accept that you are transparent when your days is running smooth and when your anger pot is about to boil over. Who sees it when it finally spews BOILING water everywhere? Is it the person who was the last straw? Did they deserve the scars from they received from that explosion? Picture those scars the next time you want to flip out. Let that picture be the reason that you hold back. No one deserves to pay that price. And even if they didn’t hear your words…the anger in your eyes would be enough to cause them to doubt. ‘Faith. Love. Kindness. Patience. Peace. Joy. Goodness. Self-control. Is that what they look like?’

 

I’m not trying to make you uncomfortable. But, you should know, I AM okay with it. ;-) The reason I am okay with it is because I am not talking AT you. I am learning WITH you. Some of those scenarios listed above are ones that I fail when transparent. God doesn’t want us to stay where we are in our knowledge. He doesn’t want us to KNOW that we are hindering others and be OKAY with it. He is constantly giving us divine revelation. This is one for me today. Read this passage of Scripture that my husband read during worship yesterday. “If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.” (1 Corinthians 13:1)

God is calling us out of our comfort zone. He’s saying to US now, ‘Prove to the lost that you really DO love without condition. Prove that your faith is always on and active. Prove My Son’s sacrifice by being what you say you already are. Grab a hold of what I am teaching you today. Your words mean little, they irritate the ears, when your actions prove otherwise. Line them BOTH up with My Word. Study My character and imitate it. Cling to becoming genuine in all situations. In all circumstance. Run to me and allow me to mold you. To scrape off the things that are not of me. The pain will be worth the prize. You can trust Me My precious child. I want you to radiate MY beauty. I want My image to show in you in its flawless design.’

                                                                                                                                                         -Song of Soloman 4:7

This lesson has been hard to write, as I am sure it has been hard to read. But I am fired up. God just revealed the enemy’s scheme to me. And it just. got. real. The fight is on! I will not settle for less than God has for me. I will not stay where I am. I will not be comfortable now knowing the weight of this issue and choosing to do nothing. My witness must first LOOK like I am a child of God. Before they hear me…they ARE seeing me. I will not relent. (Because I know the enemy sure isn’t going to!) Now that you know…what will you do?

The Choice (Day SIX-30 Day Challenge)

I’m diving right in today. No time to waste. I want you to picture yourself as a child again for just a moment.

Picture yourself playing baseball with a group of kids at recess. You are up to bat. The ball comes towards you. You close your eyes and swing the bat with all the might that you have. To your surprise, you hear the crack of a successful hit. You smile as you open your eyes just in time to see the ball sailing towards…a window in your classroom. The ball crashes through the glass! Sudden panic hits you. What is your instinct? Throw the bat and mingle with the other children. Blend in. Whatever you do…do. not. look. guilty.


Funny thing about guilt. It is almost impossible to hide. If you have gotten good at hiding it…you are on dangerous grounds…and I suggest you flee from your ways. Learn to fight with truth. We were born into this sinful nature that instinctively makes us want to hide when we are wrong. We must fight against. This same sinful nature calls us to stretch the truth. We must fight against. It calls us to blame everyone but who is really responsible. We MUST fight against.

We are loosing battles that God wanted to claim victory over because we aren’t fighting. It is easier not to fight at first. I know. I’ve so been there and done that!  It feels good to go with your natural response. But that good feeling fades so quickly. Immediately sometimes. And you are left feeling ashamed at what you have chosen.


You see the teacher walking towards you. Your eyes are shifting back and forth. You are looking for an escape. You are searching for a hole to dive into. You can’t just stand there! Before you know it the teacher is standing right in front of you. She asks what happened, and the crowd is silent. You are staring into the ground, and she sees. She says your name. Panic. What do you do?


Every day of your life is full of choices. Do you wake up early or do you hit snooze? Do you eat five donuts or do you eat fruit and granola? God gave us free will so that we would CHOOSE HIM! Not just on Sunday. Not just when it is convenient. Not just when we are in crisis. ALWAYS! He created us to worship Him…and we have every day, all day to choose whether we will do it or not.


You are still looking at the ground. You are trying to form an answer. You can choose truth or dare you lie. You can choose life or death with that tongue of yours. All of a sudden a genius idea pops into your head. Blame. It’s not your fault. You didn’t ‘throw’ the ball. It was clearly self-defense. The ball was going to hit you…so you swung. Dare you say it? Will it work? If you can just point your finger with enough conviction…maybe you won’t have to hear yourself breathing anymore out of pure anxiety.

Then just for a moment. You catch the eyes of the one you are about to accuse.   You wonder what would he get in your place? Could you really do it? It is scary that it even crossed your mind. You have not yet sinned…and so you choose.

“I did it. It was an accident.”

Your shame immediately turns to a sigh of relief. Fear is still there, but the weight, the heavy burden of choice has been lifted. You have chosen to put your accusing finger back in its holster. The kids are dismissed and you walk inside with the teacher. 

What does she do? She has a choice too. She takes you to the classroom and hands you a dustpan. She starts to clean the glass and asks you to help. She has not chosen to yell. She has not chosen to get angry. She even thanks you for telling the truth. Your choice of truth has set you free. Even though you are guilty, you do not feel guilty. You had a choice and you fought against the lie of the enemy. God was proud of you that day!


“My mouth speaks what is true, for my lips detest wickedness.” Proverbs 8:7     Sin lover…or sin loather…you choose.

I imagine you have stories of when you have chosen truth and stories of when you have chosen lies. Which one left you feeling satisfied? Which one provided a way out but quickly offered only shame and remorse? It’s not too late. You always have truth. You always have choice. You can still choose truth. Your character is forever being fine tuned. God is refining you so that you are more and more like Him. He sees you drowning in your choice…and He offers a way out. He has not turned against you. He is not ignoring you. That conviction you feel. That is because He refuses to accept less than what He has for you. But this 'free will' always leaves you with a choice. Good or evil.

What lies have you been believing? What half-truths have you been telling? Today I challenge you to choose truth. Whether you got away with your wrong choice or not…you do not have to live in guilt and shame. You still have the truth. You know it. God knows it. You might be nervous or dreading an uncomfortable conversation. But be honest with yourself, you live in discomfort knowing anyway.

“The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” Proverbs 18:21 You can say you love truth. You can even convince me and those around you that you live truth. But God sees the fruit you are eating. He knows which ones nourish and enrich your life…and which decay and sour the effectiveness of your ministry. It is not too late. It is never too late! Restoration is close. Freedom is right on the tip of your tongue. Have the courage to speak to the mountains you’ve built by choice. It is your choice that got you in that valley…and it is only choice that will remove you from it. Your ministry is waiting for you to live and love what you know. “…if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” Matthew 17:20 Those are the words of Jesus, Himself. They can be trusted! NO thing will be impossible for you. Rise up!

God has great things in store for those who earnestly seek Him. He rejoices when you choose, on purpose, to fight against the scheme of the enemy. He longs to see you defeat. He loves to watch you dodge those fiery darts of the enemy. They fizzle out. They become extinguished because of your choice. Their power to harm you is gone. Who knew that the easiest way to send the enemy retreating in defeat was to choose truth? Righteousness. Trust me…it looks good on everyone! =)

Lions are the Coolest

I am sooo excited to get this post into writing that I can barely contain myself! God has proven Himself faithful yet again. I know He is faithful. I tell people that He is faithful. And yet when He proves it…I am still so in awe and filled with excitement…that I just have to share it. =)


Okay, so a few nights ago I prayed with my children, as I do every night before they go to sleep. After I was finished I sent my husband in to pray with them too. He came back out saying that our oldest son Aiden (age 7) was upset and wanted to talk to me. (When I left him he was fine. Just sayin’. Haha!) I go in and find him crying. Like, not a little bit crying, but close to sobbing. I asked him what was wrong. His answer…angered me.


I won’t get it word for word…but basically he said that the enemy was attacking him. (And when he says enemy…he means the father of lies. Aiden knows his Father…and knows about the deceiver.) He went on to tell me that the devil kept putting evil thoughts in his head. Like thoughts to say mean things to people that would make them sad. And that he was trying hard to not say them…but it was getting more difficult because they just kept coming to his mind. He said he didn’t feel strong enough to pray.


I took him out of the bedroom and we sat on the couch together. You see…I too know who my Father is. And no matter how angry this makes me as Aiden’s mother…it infuriates God even more. So I knew that we (God and I) had to speak life into Aiden. That we had to use this as a divine opportunity to strengthen his faith. That we had to remind him of who he is. “A blood-bought, highly-favored, child of the Most High God!” Them is fightin’ words! =)

I began by reminding him of a scene from the Lion King. It is one of our favorite movies in the Knapp house. (Lions are the coolest! And my kids often crawl around roaring like they are lions. I prefer that to Kung-Fu any day. Lol!) The scene that I reminded him of, was the one where the three hyenas are talking with Scar. The one hyena says the name ‘Mufasa’ and the other one shudders. She says..”Oooo (as if getting a frightened chill), do it again.” He says the name ‘Mufasa’ again…and she gives the same response.


I compared that to the enemy. When we say the name of Jesus…the demons shudder. They loathe the name of Jesus. They can’t help but to flee at the mention of the name of Jesus! (Notice how I keep saying it? Love it!) I reminded Aiden of how much power there is when we just speak the name of Jesus. I told him that as soon as one of those mean/evil thoughts come into his head…that he was just to say, “In JESUS name I do not accept that! That thought is not from my Father!” I told him to say it loud and proud. Scream it if he had to!


After our conversation I prayed over him. I prayed that God would give him a dream in the night. I prayed that he would remember the dream…and that it would help to make him stronger. Then I made him pray. I don’t want any of my children to EVER feel too weak to pray over themselves. That is lie from the enemy…and I don’t accept it FOR them! I sent him off to bed and never heard a peep from him for the rest of the night.


Friday was his last day of school. I ended up driving him there…and so I asked him if he had a dream that night. Are you ready for this? It should send chills down your spine because of how awesomely, amazing our God is! It brought instant joy-filled tears to my eyes while he was telling me. God gave my son a dream. Do you understand that? The God in Heaven. The Creator of all that we see. The Maker of the Heavens and earth. The Alpha. The Omega. The beginning and the end. The one and only Savior…cares so much about my son…that He gave him a dream. Wow! I absolutely believe it. And at the same time I am humbled to think of it.


Here is his recall of his dream. “We were in the rainforest. (They’ve been learning about it in school the last few weeks.) And all these animals kept coming up to us. Big animals. Like cheetahs, tigers, jaguars and ocelots. Animals that roar. But they weren’t roaring…they were really nice. They were letting us pet them. This hyena came up to me and was trying to bite my hand. But a lion came over and roared at the hyena and didn’t let it bite me. We were scratching the hyena behind it’s ear and it’s leg was thumping on the ground as if he liked it.”


Do you get it?! Do you see how amazing God is?! Any of those animals could’ve proven God’s point…but he chose the hyena. Who ever even thinks of a hyena? They are not cute, nor cuddly, nor cool. I might have missed it if God hadn’t chosen the hyena though. And it just makes this story even cooler, that God got detailed to get our attention because of the conversation that had taken place the night before.


The enemy (the hyena) wants to bite us. He wants to wound us so that we will be afraid to serve God. He wants us to want life to be easier. And he tells us that it would be easier if we would just stop serving Christ. Remember the father of lies is his name. That is his name because that is all he has. Lies! But our God is like a roaring lion!

“God’s not dead! He’s surely Alive. He’s living on the inside. Roaring like a Lion!” (Those are lyrics to a song that Aiden has been singing for a few weeks. He sings them with power and conviction…and I LOVE it!) So God sees the enemy trying to harm us…and all He has to do is speak. He never has to lay a hand on the enemy to make His power known. God speaks. The enemy is hushed. The enemy’s power is stripped…and he is like a little harmless puppy before you. Thumping his foot on the ground when you scratch his ear. Nothing scary about that mental picture, huh?


Oh how I love it when God strengthens my children’s faith. I know that God has an amazing purpose for Aiden. And the enemy wants to destroy him while he is young because he thinks he is weak. HA! As I have said before…he is sly…but not at all smart. For Aiden is a son of the King. He is covered by the blood of Jesus. And his lioness mama…she is a warrior. She knows the power of prayer. She knows the divine calling that it is to mother children into the Kingdom. She does not take it lightly. And she will teach her little man to war with her. To fight. To not ever be afraid of the enemy because of the Mighty God we serve. To always pray, even if he feels weak…because when we are weak HE is strong! We’ve been singing those words since we were little…but do we truly believe them? I say…you better bet I do!!


Have a blessed day! I pray that God renews and strengthens your faith today. Ask Him to…and be looking and waiting for it. And when He does it…I would LOVE to hear about it. It fires me right up, and strengthens my faith! Keep sharing. Keeping firing others up. Keep the ripple going…so it gets bigger. And bigger. And bigger!! =) Love to love ya!