Trust Issues

I have said it silently to myself more times than I can count in my 35 years of life. My guess, is that you have too. They are those questions that just can. not. be. answered. Even if they ever were...the answer would probably not satisfy the deep longing questions in our hearts.

Why?
Where were You?
Why now?

Most recently it has not even been so much for me, but still I ask God, 'Why'...

It's been a year now since tragedy hit me like a semi-truck.
It has been a year full of change.
A year of asking.
A year of doubt.
Thankfulness. Anger. Sadness. Disbelief.
And it has been a year of watching God swoop in at the very last moment, when I was in full mental outrage, and show Himself faithful.
And yet it was a year of questioning...why?

Several months ago I decided to begin to read for the purpose of fun. Escaping I suppose. A way to stop my mind from constant thought.

Even after the decision had been made...it took me a few weeks to know where to start. Which author? Fiction or non? Did I want to dive into a self help type of book or just thoughtlessly encounter someone else's storyline.

I dove into my new book, head first. I read every spare moment I had. I waited up late and got waaaaaay too little sleep. I took loooong evening baths (almost daily) and stayed extra long in the tub. I had to see how the story all worked out in the end. I was addicted.

One night in particular I was intent on finishing the book that I had been sneaking in at every opportunity. I was so close. I sat with my cup of coconut cream coffee and...escape.....

Just a few moments in there were those words that I have wanted to speak scream time and time again.

Where were You when this was happening God?!

I closed my eyes and looked away. The second I read those words my breath was gone. When I opened my eyes again, I could no longer see through my tears. I knew that what came in the next paragraph was the reason God had chosen this book for me. I was angry at first when I realized the base of the story was very close to what I was dealing with personally. Of ALLLLL the fiction books in ALLLLLL of the libraries...I had to choose THIS one. Ugh. But I read on because I knew God had something to tell me...and I was unsure I could handle His response...

I. was. there.

How could I have doubted that He was there? How dare I think he would ever turn away? How did that simple reality make me feel both comfort and disgust? Why were there hot angry tears running down my cheeks?

They fell because I had trusted Him. But what about now...do I still...? How do you remain faith-filled when you feel as though the wind has been knocked out of you and you lay there struggling to simply breathe? What kind of God........I couldn't even finish that thought.

Sometimes we have to get gut honest with God. We have to lay it all out before Him. I have both a reverent fear of God and an open line of communication with Him. I tell Him more brutally honest things than I do any one person on this earth. He knows me completely. Every thought. Every glare. Every tear. He knows my heart intimately. He formed my inmost being...and He can handle my wrath.

That night as I read through the blur of my tears; I could not help but to silently weep. Alone. There wasn't a person in this world who could fix my struggle. It was up to me. I had to choose to fight my way through what the enemy was using to try to destroy the faith and purpose of myself and my family. I had to admit to myself and to God that I was angry with Him. I had to voice that I felt as though He had closed His eyes to what HE SHOULD HAVE STOPPED.

Should have.
As if I have the right to tell God how my story will go.
As if I think I know what is to come.
As if I was there at the beginning of it all.
As if I can say what it will take to make me into the woman that He knows I am capable of becoming.

I lay down my weapons.
My harsh words.
My doubt.
My trust issues.
I lay them at His feet. I do not deserve any of the wonderful things He does for me because of anything I have done.

I remember the first Sunday that I was to lead the Lauren Daigle song, Trust In You, during worship. I could barely make it through. There was a spiritual battle going on in my head, and I was the only person invited to the fight. It wasn't about learning the song...that had been fairly easy. Practicing the song with the worship team was a little bit more of a challenge. But then came worship...

There is a huge difference between practicing/singing and worshipping. During worship that day...it got real. It was that day that I knew I had no right to sing those very words if I didn't truly believe them.

A single tear ran down my cheek. I knew that I wanted to believe them. I knew that I wanted to trust God with the life and safety of my family. I also knew that He could see through my voice. He could see through my worship. He could see straight to the place in my heart where the struggle was raging.

And it was that day...I knew we had won. I did trust God and I belted those words out because I believe(d) that God is for me and for my family. Romans 8:28 will forever be true. God will use this tragedy. I don't know how. I don't know when. But I will wait for glimpses of good....because it is there that God will be.

Faith is More Than Words

Have you ever gone through something so incredibly difficult that there were

simply 

no 

words

Nothing that was offered seemed to be of any real help. Even though you knew that the intent of each person's hearts was pure, and you knew that their purpose was to uplift...somehow before their words could pierce through to your heart...it was as if they had already lost their life.

This is how many hours in my days have been over the last few months.

Numb.
Unable to participate in regular, every day life because it felt far away and impossible.
Many well-intended words from friends/family that seemed barely valuable enough to let sink in.

I've thought about becoming distant from everyone.
I've wanted to just pick up my family and drive away.
I've longed to forget.
I've screamed at the devil for how utterly awful and absolutely ruthless he is.
I've been selfish with my thoughts and prayers.

Over and over I have magnified the scheme of the enemy INSTEAD of choosing to focus on the power of the cross.

Where do we turn when words suddenly seem empty? How can we combat an enemy who wants us forever silenced? How do we fight off the pull of darkness when the usual fluffy spiritual answers just aren't leading us to hope this time?

I've never claimed to have it all together. I'm sorry if this comes as a surprise to you. Some days I crumble under pressure. Those days, I doubt if I will ever know better. I fall and I fail. And sometimes, sometimes...I get knocked down while completely unsuspecting. I get blind-sided by something that I could. not. have. seen. coming...and my faith is tested. The war becomes glaringly, in-my-face, real...and I find that I am very much in it.

Will I win...or will I give in? 

The first seems harder than the other. 

The latter offers ease, accompanied by empty promises. 

It is my choice. It always is.

I am turning to worship. Some days I cry while I sing...because my efforts seem feeble. Some days I don't feel a difference...because somehow I am still choosing to focus on me. Some days I smile and almost laugh while I worship...knowing that the enemy is furious and cowering. Some days I gain strength while I praise my King. Those days I stand firm in my calling...and I wish to be no where else.

I am turning to Truth. Even when I don't feel like it...I am finding Truth in the Word of God to cling to. On the days that I can't feel that Truth...I still believe. I know better than to trust how I feel. I'm a mess. He's the Maker. I trust His inspired Word over my thoughts! And He is revealing His truth loving, living, speaking people to me. It is a hard lesson to learn. I did not ask for it. I did not pray for it. But I will remain thankful for it.

And I am turning to you. You, who have been led to read this little blog of mine. I am asking for your prayer. The road that I have found myself on is hard. Not impossible...but hard. I don't know how to walk this road. I can't see the end of it. I am fairly confident that the end is far off. I can only see where I am. Some days seeing where I am is overwhelming.

If I have not love...I have nothing.
If I have not hope...I have less than God has for me.
If I have not peace amidst this storm...I am believing the whisper of the enemy over the proven Truth of Christ.

My strongest days are Sunday. My favorite days are those spent with the ones I love MOST! As for today, I will choose to win. Giving up is not an option. I have too many people who will go to war for me. I am loved...and I am thankful for that.

I will see Romans 8:28. It will become evident. I will listen closely for the voice of God to continue to lead me when I am looking...and I will feel the Hand of God guide me when I am struggling to focus.

I will win. Truth will win. I need only be still and know that I serve the One and only True God.

He is enough for me.

On That Day, I Married...

The one who would be my first love.
The one who would be my last boyfriend.
The one who would be my only husband.

The one who would know how to push my buttons.
The one who would never stop making me feel beautiful.
The one who would push me to succeed.

The one who would hug me tight when the world broke me.
The one who would kiss me softly when the world hated me.
The one who would tell me the truth when the world lied.

The one who would watch me struggle through loss.
The one who would give me my dream of life...to mother a child.
The one who would see me fail and still choose to love.

The one who would teach his sons about the life of a man.
The one who would take his daughter on her first date.
The one who would learn to love hugs and kisses from little hearts.

The one who would love to be present for every Christmas gift purchased for his children.
The one who would watch countless children's movies just to hear his kids laugh.
The one who would bring home pizza and make the house squeal with more excitement than necessary.

The one who would see all the worst of me.
The one who would rarely get my humor.
The one who would make. my. day. if he laughed at my joke.

The one who would quickly become my forever favorite worship leader.
The one who would prove to me that I could do things I doubted.
The one who would see me through a different set of eyes.

The one who would provide for his family.
The one who would serve at his church.
The one who would pray for anyone who asked.

The one who would do as Jesus did.
The one who would walk with confidence like few others.
The one who would say only what he meant.

The one who would hate the phone and always call while he was gone.
The one who would text me, from the couch, to bring him a Pepsi.
The one who would not enjoy reading, but still encourage me to write.

The one who would write songs for his King.
The one who would sing with more passion than I ever knew he was capable.
The one who would be gifted more than most people would ever take the time to know.

The one who would teach me.
The one who would help mold the best me.
The one who would speak highly of me.

The one who would (Nerf) sword fight me in the kitchen (and break a glass) to make the kids laugh.
The one who would have to tell me when he was flirting because it was always painful. (Haha!)
The one who would wrestle his children on the floor.

The one who would think constantly.
The one who would be spontaneous if he was in the mood.
The one who would spend and re-spend $ many times in his head before ever entering the store.

The one who would be capable of almost anything.
The one who would say (and believe) that he was invincible.
The one who would hurt easily, but hide it well.

The one who would submit.
The one to whom I would submit.
The one who would stand alone, if it was for what was right.

Although this man I chose would often be misunderstood.... I would always try my hardest to understand him. I am his prayer warrior. I am his cheering section. I am his forever faithful friend. I am his partner in life. I am the one whom he loves more than himself. I am all his and he is all mine. I love him more than I show some days. I love him more than I say some days. I am the one his parents prayed for. And he is the one I asked God for.



My fourteenth wedding anniversary was last Saturday on April 18th. I woke up just a little bummed. Back in January, my husband's grandmother had passed away. Since she lived in Florida during the winter months, her husband waited to do a memorial service with her children and their families back in PA. When he picked the date for the service...guess which day he chose? =/

The morning came and I awoke, fancied up my family and myself and off we went to the service. I had told my husband the night before, when we were out on our celebration date, that I felt like the day was not going to be at all about me. I laughed. He smiled. I was mostly joking...and only very slightly serious. ;-)

It seemed unlikely to me that God would speak to me during a service such as this...and yet He did. My husband's grandmother's husband got up to speak after the pastor had finished. He began to tell the story of the last months of his wife's life. He struggled through as we all watched in silence. Most of us had no idea what those days were like for him. As he was talking about how difficult it was to see her so close to the end...he said something that hit me hard.

"I still meant the vows I spoke when I married her. For better or worse. In sickness or health. I was going to stay with her to the end...because I promised that I would."

I needed to hear those words. My husband is not sick...and neither am I. Our relationship is strong and centered in Christ. The thought of either of us leaving is not a thought at all. I just needed to be reminded that God values those vows. He heard them. He longs for couples to remember those words that they promised to each other...before Him.

It is hard to find couples that live and love like they still believe those words. I say couples...because it only takes one to destroy the hope found in them. One cheating heart. One fallen away from faith. One willing to give up and leave the other without a choice.

What then? Romans 5 has something to say about someone who feels as though they are in a hopeless situation. Starting in verse 3  and going through verse 5 it says, "we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance;  perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us because God has poured out His love into our hearts but he Holy Spirit, whom He has given us."

Hope does not disappoint us. I LOVE THOSE WORDS!!!!! I have used them many times to change a friend's pity party into praise. The difference between someone who wallows and someone who rises above...is Jesus.

I have seen marriages all around me end. And in the midst of it...I have seen absolute brokenness turn to unexplainable strength. I have seen dependency on 'man' shift to independence with Christ. I have seen lack of faith turn into faith unbreakable. Unshakable. Faith restored. Hope found. And joy....no longer dependent on world-measured happiness.

The question was recently asked of me, "How would you define the joy of the Lord?" What would you have said? Think about it. How is it different than happiness? I encourage you to write down your definition if you'd like.

Here was mine...
The joy of the Lord...
Is joy unexplained.
Joy unbreakable by circumstance.
Joy that is not, can not be faked.
Joy that can be seen through solemness and through pain.
Joy is more than happiness, because it is more real than just a smile, kind word or gift.
Joy is the presence of God and an intentional spiritual mindset in all times, at all times.
The joy of the Lord is Jesus in us, actively and regularly moving through us, no matter how it is perceived or whether it is accepted...and yet we do it with a heart of gladness as onto HIM!
Joy does not always appear happy...but is instead always content.

God will speak to us some days in the most unlikely of places. He will help us to find solid hope and unexplainable joy in Him...when it makes no sense. His ways are not ours. (Can I get an Amen?!) His thoughts are higher than what we can fathom. Yet He chooses to speak in ways that we will understand.

Hold tight to hope in Christ.
Find joy in all places.
Remember promises that you have made before God. He heard them. He remembers every word you have said.
Take pride in holding true to your commitments.
Your relationships matter...work on them. Pray for them. Try to hold others more highly than yourself.
Love. It is the most important...and it covers all things.

I'm so in love with the man God gave me to experience life with. It isn't always sunshine and roses...but we always have love. It softens the hardness. It lightens the darkness.

Get Your Praise On (Day TWENTY SEVEN-30 Day Challenge)

Every time my kids and I drive anywhere together...music is almost always on. As of recently...we are usually rocking bands such as LaCrae, Toby Mack and Capital Kings. They are all super upbeat and fun. To some who hear us drive by, it might seem a little odd to hear Christian dance, hip hop or rap coming from my sweet minivan; but  I can assure you that my kids don't care at all. Lol! The smiles on their faces...and the lyrics they are singing makes it worth a few eye rolls. ;-)

Even though lately we've been listening to a lot of music that makes us all want to dance...I love that my kids can still appreciate true worship. I know that I've mentioned one of my favorite songs before...but I am going to again. It became clear to me in the last few weeks that maybe my kids aren't 'the norm'.  Haha!! I mean they really aren't normal, but I'm thinking maybe they are more 'peculiar' than I realize. 

I'm going to go King James on you for a moment. Stay with me. ;-) "But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of Him who hath called you out of darkness into His marvelous light." 1 Peter 2:9 ( Just so we are clear...because I wasn't...'shew forth' means show out into view.)

What does it mean to be peculiar? By definition it can have several meanings. Some of them include; special, unique, eccentric, uncommon, unusual or odd. What does it mean for us, as Christians, to be peculiar? The definitions that I believe the author is referring to in the passage above are; 'distinct from all others', 'distinctive in nature or character from others'. 

WE AREN'T SUPPOSED TO LOOK LIKE THE WORLD!! (All caps means I am screaming it right?! Lol! There is a difference between screaming in anger and screaming with passion. I am passionate about that one...not bitter! I just want to be sure you got my point.) We aren't supposed to talk like them!  We aren't supposed to live like them! We are supposed to be peculiar! We are supposed to show, so the world can see, ourselves praising Him who has given us freedom from eternal death and suffering! You  have something to celebrate. It is not just your day...but your forever! We are not above the lost, as in high and mighty, but we are different. Or at least we should be!

My oldest son has gotten the chance to play DJ with my MP3 player a few times over the last couple of weeks, while we had some friends of his in the car with us. He deemed himself in charge of finding music suitable for everyone. He played a few silly dance-type songs, a little rap and then.... (Here is where it got peculiar, in a good way.) Aiden turned to his friend and said in an excited voice...'Do you want to hear an awesome song? It is so so good! It is one of my favorites!' Of course they did...his song selection had been slammin'! His DJ skills were clearly right on track.

If you haven't ever heard the song that he played next...take the time now to watch the video. It is so so good, in my opinion as well. So good! The song is called, 'The Great I Am'. It starts off quiet and slow...and it builds. I remember well the first time my children and I ever heard it. We were driving home at night and I turned it way up. (Probably to try to hear over their loudness!) Everyone.got.silent. (In a van with four young children, I gotta tell you, THAT NEVER HAPPENS! <-- Passionate about that one too? Haha!) Seriously, my kids and I couldn't help it though. The words of this song brought a hush over us all. We worshiped God that night, in my minivan, in complete silence. We didn't have to say or sing a word. We were there in His Presence...and I will never forget it. We couldn't help but to just listen in awe of the lyrics. As I listened for the first time, I had tears falling down onto my cheeks. The song ended and my oldest son, who was probably around the age of 6 or 7 at the time, says to me, 'Wow, THAT is a powerful song Mom. I cried a little when I was listening to it.' Peculiar! (But also totally amazing that he can discern the power of God put to music!)

Or how about the week that my middle son, Titus was in the nursery at our old church. To help time pass the nursery workers were asking for song requests that the group could sing together. One child asked to sing The Itsy Bitsy Spider. Another wanted Mary Had a Little Lamb. Titus though, at the age of 3, he asked for The Great I Am. Peculiar!(And also amazing to me! They are listening...no matter their age...they hear you!) And when the woman who was working in the nursery that day told me that story, she ended by saying, 'You can tell which child is the worship leader's son!' Haha! I absolutely LOVE IT!

Why are my kids peculiar? I'd say it is a double whammy. Yep...that's what I said. A.double.whammy. Lol! You see, my husband is not only the Worship Pastor of our church; I am also one of the lead worshipers. That is not at all a prideful statement. Please please please know that. I am simply saying that I am not up there performing. I am not just trying to be a singer leading songs. I am a worshiper who leads BY worshiping. I am not above. I am not exalted. I am someone who has gone through times where I didn't want to sing...and now I must worship whenever I can. I owe Him that at the very least! I know what God has given me victory over. I worship because I can not forget how faithful He has been to me! I will never forget!

"Praise the Lord. Praise God in His sanctuary; praise Him in His mighty Heavens. Praise Him for His acts of power; praise Him for His surpassing greatness. Praise Him with the sounding of the trumpet, praise Him with the harp and lyre, praise Him with tambourine and dancing, praise Him with the strings and flute, praise Him with the clash of cymbals, praise Him with resounding cymbals. Let everything that has breath praise the Lord. Praise the Lord."  Psalm 150

Do you have breath? Then you know what to do! You must set the example. The world is watching...begging someone to live what they know. Your kids are learning from you. It matters not so much what you say...but what they see you do. In your home do they see you worship? In your car do they hear you pray and praise? Is worship kept sacred for Sunday mornings? Because we can't handle that type of pressure. Your church can.not.be your only source of worship! When you have gone allllll week without singing praises to your King, who is responsible? When you come empty and leave disappointed, who is to blame? It surely is NOT your church. Do you know that 'worship is a lifestyle...not an event'? Is that what your life proves to be true?

God gave us a pretty HUGE miracle this week in our family. **Disclaimer...The following should not in any way give any one the impression that my husband is anything other than invincible as he believes he is. Haha! (Kind of like when Mario gets a star on any of the Mario video games) It proves only that God's protection is over him...and NOT that he is a weakling. End of disclaimer** ;-)

Wednesday my husband came home from work and I went out to give him a hug. Immediately I could tell by his face that something was wrong. Keep in mind that he has a extremely dangerous job. There isn't a day that goes by that my kids and I don't pray for the safety of he and his dad in the woods. Our team of horses was pulling a log as Eric had instructed them to do. He was beside the cart watching as the log they were pulling t-boned a tree that was laying in their path. Eric, thinking it was just a log that would move out of the way, gave another command for them to continue on through the obstacle. They began pulling the entire tree with them which knocked Eric over. He was then dragged along, with the tree eventually ending up on top of him.

What stopped it? Finally the tree that was dragging him ran into a tree that was still standing. He had a close view of this tree. The sound that it made when it stopped all motion was not only heard but felt. Less than a foot away from getting his head crushed...Eric lay unable to move. He was unsure if anything was broken. He had no function in either of his legs. BUT GOD!

In August of 2011 God gave me this scripture for Eric. "A righteous man may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all; He protects His bones, not one of them will be broken." Psalm 34:19-20 I showed the verse to Eric and he still holds on to that promise.

Eric is sore...but he is blessed! That first night was a rough one for him pain-wise...but he can feel. The feeling in his legs was quickly restored. The nausea from the intense pain left as he slept that Wednesday night. I praise God that He gave me the promise of protection over my husband. I praise God that He reminded him of it when he hobbled into our house that afternoon. And I praise God that He was faithful to that promise. No bones broken. Not even a bruise or scratch.

I laughed as I responded to this question posed by one of the men from our worship team, "When a worship leader falls in the forest and nobody else is around to hear, just what kind of sound does he make?" My answer..."The worship leader still praises God because his head was not smashed between the trees less than a foot from it! =) God is good!"

NO matter your circumstance...you have reason to praise. Set the example for the world around you...and set the bar high! Imitate Christ always...and watch how it changes your view of God's faithfulness. Watch how it strengthens your faith. Let it mold you to be a more noticeable and effective warrior. Heaven will be an eternity all about praising and worshiping our Creator...I suggest you learn to love it now! ;-)

"May my lips overflow with praise, for you teach me Your decrees. May my tongue sing of your Word, for all Your commands are righteous." Psalm 119:171-172 

Sunday Expectations (Day TWENTY SIX-30 Day Challenge)

What a week you have had! A week full of disappointment and heartache that left you in a state of absolute exhaustion. You were so overwhelmed by circumstances in life that you barely even noticed that you hadn't taken much time to be still and meet with God. And you definitely didn't take the time to worship Him. You sent up no praises to reach to the Heart of Heaven...only requests and questions. 'God please help me. Take this burden from me. Why? Explain Yourself God. Why would you allow that? How could you?!'

After a week like that you walk into church empty. You have nothing to give. If you showed with your body language how your heart felt, you would have your head down and your hand out. You aren't looking to give of yourself. You are only looking for your own expectations to be met. The prayers that day seem boring. You can't get into worship because you can think of nothing to be happy about. And the message...that has to speak to you right? *sigh* What a waste of time. You leave more disappointed. You expected more!

What do you expect when you walk in to church on a Sunday morning? Do you expect to get something amazing? Do you expect your pastors to move you? Do you expect the worship team to bring you into the presence of God?

Maybe the more important question is what do you do when your silent expectations are not met? How many people hear about when you walk in and then back out of church on a Sunday morning without being inspired or moved? What is your first reaction? Is it to attack...or is it to uphold your leadership in prayer? Is it to look for reason to complain...or is it to look for a way to help? Is your church more effective because you are an active part of it...or you a wall flower that likes to put off a foul odor when your needs are not met?

" 'Everything is permissible'--but not everything is beneficial. 'Everything is permissible'--but not everything is constructive. Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others." 1 Corinthians 10:23-24

Look again at the series of questions, just after the italicized section, at the top of this post. Do you see the common denominator? I'm sure you picked up on it already because of your advanced nature, but who is the obvious focus on your Sunday mornings? It appears to me that it is you. Don't you worry though. You are sooo not alone. I'm guilty of this mentality at times too. I've gone to a special speaker or Sunday morning service and left disappointed. And it was not because the preaching was bad...or because the worship was boring. It was my own personal heart issue. I chose to make the focus about me. And I can now CHOOSE to remedy that problem by making it only about God!

What about the days that I walk into church with expectations from God and only God? Well...at least He can handle me. Lol! He is the only One who can speak to me so intimately, that is leaves me speechless. Can you imagine...an author of many words...with out
a.
single.
word? Haha! 

When you walk in, expecting man to fulfill a God sized hole; man will fall short. Every.Time. Man can not compete. Mankind was not created to be your or my source of God or only link to God. They/we can not handle that responsibility. That weight is too heavy for any man or woman to carry.

What would happen instead if you walked in expecting to give to God? What would happen if you spent the service praying for your pastoral team? Like for real praying for God to use them in a mighty way, to touch someone else? What if you listen to the pastor's words and search for what God is saying to you?

There are a lot of Sundays I write down key points from the sermon. Some of them came from the mouth of my pastor. And some of them were specific things God spoke to my heart while the pastor was preaching. Then during the week, during my own personal devotional time, I expand on my notes. A lot of times I write 1,000 words or more on just one verse or one line that the pastor said. I'm always searching for what God is speaking to ME. If I waited only on the pastor or speaker or worship leader...I could leave disappointed. God. does. not. disappoint...(as long as my heart is right!)

As the wife of the Worship Pastor of my church...let me just tell you...ministry is the most fulfilling job we could do, right next to raising our own four children. But we will still fail you. We are far from perfect and we realize it. We have circumstances that most people will never know about. We often have opportunity for offenses. We have felt deep hurt and pain from people we trusted. And yet...we praise. We praise God for His blessings. We praise God for His faithfulness. We praise God for His protection. When we didn't see His blessings, His faithfulness or His protection...it is only because we weren't looking for it in the right places. It is always there!

Here is my challenge to you. If you are dissatisfied with your church...find out why. I'm not saying put your pastoral staff under a microscope. That is not constructive nor healthy. Instead, look inward. What can you do to change your heart toward who you are expecting to be filled by? How can you actively shift your focus from man to God?

"...whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. Do not cause anyone to stumble, whether Jews, Greeks or the church of God--even as I try to please everybody in every way. For I am not seeking my own good, but the good of many, so that they may be saved. Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ."

Maybe you should sit down and talk to your the Lead Pastor. Find out his heart in ministry. Don't assume you know it. And don't make it about your needs and your wants. Make it about his passion in ministry. And then...here is the cool part...pray for that passion! Watch how much more his messages speak to you when you know where his heart is. Watch how easily you enter into worship when you have taken the time to get to know why your leader is so passionate about it. It is not about you. It never was. Change your focus.

When I focus on my pastor's passion for the lost..I couldn't dare leave disappointed. He is speaking to the hearts of the lost. He is challenging the saved. He is touching the broken. He is preaching the heart of Christ in ways that young and old, saved and lost, mature and not so much...can connect to. It is not easy...but it is his called position. Rather than beat him up for what you don't understand...help him become more effective. Help to be the hands and feet of Christ. You are missing out on some amazing blessing by choosing to be a stanky wall flower. ;-) 

Pray this over your Pastor(s) this week.
"Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful. And pray for us, too, that God may open a door for our message, so that we may proclaim the mystery of Christ for which I am in chains. Pray that I may proclaim it clearly, as I should. Be wise in the way you act towards outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone." Colossians 4:2

Devote yourself to pray for those bold enough to speak the Gospel! And ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS be full of Grace!

Who do you Spend your Mornings With? (Day FOUR-30 Day Challenge)

“The Sovereign Lord has given me an instructed tongue, to know the word that sustains the weary. He wakens me morning by morning, wakens my ear to listen like one being taught.” Isaiah 50:4

We’ve all felt it. The nudging of God. That gentle conviction to do what we ought OR ought not. Annnndddd…we’ve all ignored it, doubted it, suppressed it. So what is one of the most common refusals? (Purely in my opinion…and probably based solely on MY own past.)

It is the whisper of God to your heart…

”Wake up My child. Meet with Me. I want to teach you. I want to send you out on your day filled to overflowing so that I am what people see and hear from you. I want you to have something to offer to the lost and broken. Wake up. The war still continues while you sleep. I am waiting to fine tune your fight. When you leave me out of your morning, you sometimes forget I AM the solution. Each trial of your day, I LONGED to conquer. Each frustration you took on yourself, I WANTED. Invite Me FIRST when you awaken. I will give you the joy and strength to finish each day. Wake up!”

This is the whisper, that feeling in your gut, that I believe to be most commonly ignored. I’m not saying I’ve done a world-wide study or anything. I just know in my life, I have good intentions each night…and a snooze button in the morning. I am excited and determined when i set my alarm…but something happens while I slumber. I remember hearing a professor speak during my first week at Geneva College. He set this exact scenario that we have each day. Your alarm goes off to wake up for that class you chose at 8am and you have a split second decision. You either choose to get up…or turn the alarm off. No one is making you get out of bed as a freshman in college. What is ONE skipped class? What is ONE lesson missed? Again. And again. And again. Those choices add up.

The same goes with mornings without God. Choosing to leave Him out…it adds up. What does it matter if you choose sleep…just one day? And then another? Habit. Bad habits are easily formed because they usually fall right in line with the sinful nature that we were born with. Just because we claim ‘this is how I was born’…does not mean that it is how we were meant to stay. You may have been born with anger issues, selfishness, lack of compassion…but you were CREATED for more. You were created to overcome your weaknesses. And when you choose to do so…you are claiming victory over ‘I was born this way’ sinful nature in Jesus Name!

“Why are mornings so important? Why can’t it be night instead?! I’m more of a night person. I hate waking up early.” Been there…said all of that. Read again the verse in Isaiah that I started today’s post with. “The Sovereign Lord has given me an instructed tongue, to KNOW the word that sustains the weary. He wakens me morning by morning, wakens my ear to listen like one being taught.” How different would your days be if you allowed God to instruct your tongue. Oh how I could use that some days. Uh…I mean ALL days!

How are you going to know the Words of life that will sustain your weary self? Your friends? Your colleagues? Your family/children? Your church? By studying! Do your days usually go ‘as planned’? I know that once my family is awake…my days seem like a crazy race to bedtime. Lol! They rarely…and I dare say…NEVER go as I plan. My only chance to be sure that I have quiet time with my King is to awaken while they snooze. Don’t feel like you must follow my example…but let us find One worthy of following…

“Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where He prayed.” Mark 1:35   I’m not asking you to wake up and leave your house to pray. I am challenging you to leave your bed. Set your coffee pot the night before. Buy yourself some yummy creamer. Make your morning easy and desirable. Set out your Bible and the devotional of your choosing. Find a new journal that makes you WANT to write out your prayers and revelations. Be willing to stick with what works…and change what doesn’t. Your routine doesn’t have to be so…routine. Some days I wake up and know that I am to write a letter to someone on my heart. I still pray. I still seek verses while I write. But I make myself available to whatever God asks of me…when I wake up! So why don’t I? I LOVE SLEEP! But…I LOVE my Savior more…and I am setting out to prove that with my daily actions. =)

How about these verses found in Luke 6:12-13a, “One of those days Jesus went out to a mountainside to pray, and spent the night praying to God. When morning came, He called His disciples to Him…” Has that ever happened to you? You wake up in the middle of the night with a sudden urgency to pray. What do you do? Way TOO MANY times I tried to fake my way through it…God and I both knew I was fading quickly. Then what? I would wake up and head off on my day and find out something was going on in the middle of the night that could’ve used my prayers. GAHHHH!!! Why do I choose sleep over Christ? Why?! Am I learning from my mistakes…or am I just living in the shadow of their guilt?

What is God calling to you? You are His beloved. You are His chosen. You are an Heir to the Throne of Christ. Much is required of you…because you have something worth seeking. You have something worth sharing. You have everything! Figure out what your time is. Figure out a consistent time to dive into God. Consistent. That is key. Bad habits are easily formed. They take no work. They are natural. The fight to be more, to know more, to seek more…that must go against the flow of your born-into nature. You were created to worship. Start your morning off with it…and watch how different your days are! I dare you! =)

relevant church is born!

Last weekend my pastor spoke what could be some of the most important words spoken over our church. “Today, is the birth of relevant church!”  WAHOOOOO!!!! (Excited much? Yes we are!) A while back (before we even started attending this church) they had decided to change the name. For the last few months I have heard it referred to by the old (Columbus Community Evangelical Church) and the new. Last week though…something changed. You see, God is moving among the people in this little town in PA and He is taking us along for the ride of a lifetime! =D

Sometimes I feel as though we, the church, feel disconnected from Scripture. Not necessarily from the the truth of the Bible…but from the application. We struggle on how we apply our knowledge, both old and new, to our every day. That is my goal. That is the purpose of why I write. I want you to understand that we serve THE GOD. The only God that is living and active. The only God that is…relevant. What a perfect word to name His church!

Relevant. Let’s go over some things that are still relevant today. Let’s look for ways that God proves Himself to still be alive and engaged in our lives.

 

Prayer. Never have I understood how relevant prayer truly is, until I experienced, first hand, the past year of my life. God has healed me at the prayers of myself, family, friends and church body. God has given me what I cried out for, knowing that I would not recognize it at first. Or even that sometimes I would ask Him “WHY?!” forgetting that it was at my request. *Vanesa thumps head here* God has taken me through the best of times and the worst of times…and helped me to see His plan was always greater. God has helped me counsel the hurting and broken because of what He had already given me victory over. God has helped me to speak life even when death was running rampant. My prayers of compassion and sometimes desperation reached to the heart of God. I will never be the same as I was a little over a year ago. And my pastor’s challenge to grow 2% closer each week for this year…will change me just as much or (as I am praying)…more!

Pastor Les said that the prayer ministries and prayer warriors of ‘the’ church, are the most vital. Prayer is the start of everything else. It is our most intimate time alone with our Father. We can tell Him all. No holding back. Anger. Hurt. Shame. Brokenness. Reality. He wants us to be genuine. And when we are…He will cover over each of those with truth. Simple truth. The darkness of anger will lift. The shattered hurt will begin to heal. The shame will turn to humble growth. The transparent brokenness will allow His power to become evident in your circumstance. And your reality…it will suddenly make sense. No matter what the mountain is that lies before us…blocking our view of victory…we will take each step up to the top with a renewed purpose and passion. And all of this starts with a simple prayer. Talking to God is not difficult. It is a conversation in which you are real and so is HE!

 

Worship. relevant worship…has a nice ring to it don’t you think? ;) Our worship IS to be relevant. We will always appreciate the things of old. We still love the  past…but we refuse to stay stuck in it. We want to always be engaged in what is to come. What is current. Think about it. God is writing new songs each day. He is reaching out to us with new words of life that we can sing to Him. He has not run out of ideas. He never will. The songs they sing in Heaven are relevant. I can’t even begin to imagine how amazing they are. And when they reach the hearts of someone here on earth…that is to be celebrated. Not just on Sunday…but always. Sing to your King anywhere and everywhere! Show Him how much you adore Him because He is absolutely CRAZY about you my friend!!

Let me set up a scenario for you. It happens often to me…and I am sure it happens to SOMEONE out there too! You are driving down the road and you hear a song. It doesn’t have to be the first time you’ve ever heard the song…but maybe it is first time you really listened to it. You are silent. You just sit and listen with fresh ears. The words speak directly to you…way down deep. If you are like me, you silently weep as they minister to you in a very specific way. You know that God wrote that song. You understand that He had you in mind for this exact moment of when you would need and accept it. You sit humbled. Thankful. Inspired. And feeling genuinely loved and adored by your God that is alive and engaged in your day. That…is relevant worship. It will happen more and more. Look for it. Be open to it. Bask in it’s glory and goodness when you feel it wash over you in waves of power. *A chill just ran through my body because these words are going to open up someone’s eyes today. Right now the enemy’s blinders are being peeled away in someone’s life…and the God of all Creation will be seen and praised. His power WILL be life-changing and forever evident.

 

Faith. Our faith must be relevant in our everyday. The stories of the power of God that we read in the Bible absolutely still serve a powerful purpose. For the mother who’s womb is barren…the story of Sarah gives hope. For the man who feels too weak to fight for what is right…the story of Gideon encourages strength in the name of Jesus. For the thief, the drunk, the liar who feels like he/she is too far gone…the story of the Cross proves that grace is available to all. We are still to learn from these Bible stories. We are still to apply their foundational truths to our daily walk. Just because they are ‘old’ doesn’t mean they are outdated. The Word of God is absolutely relevant. I dare you to try it out. Double dog dare you. Talk to God. Tell Him what you are struggling with. Ask Him to show you His relevancy in His Word. It might be a verse in a devotional that you pick up. It might be a verse on Facebook. It might be a seemingly ‘random’ passage in your Bible. Figure out what it is that God is teaching you…and be sure to praise Him for it. Talk about it. Lead by example and show your friends how He can be relevant in their lives as well.

Here is a thought provoking challenge question from Pastor Les to you…people out there in the world of cyber. ;) “If you were mentioned in the Bible…what would it say about you? Would they even know you were saved according to how you lived your life? Not according to how you act or ‘appear’ on Sunday…but how the rest of the days of the week that end in the word ‘day’ are. Would your name be recorded because of all you did for the Kingdom?”

It is never too late. Today is a new day. Start a new chapter in which you are sold out. Committed. Passionate. Let your faith be evident…not for the cause of being remembered…but for the sake of someone’s eternity. True love as the Father intended it cares more about souls brought to the reality of the Cross, than all of the wealth in the world. World changers. We need world changers who are Christ-driven to rise up.

Speaking of “it’s never too late”…take a moment to listen to a song by a Christian group named Jesus Culture. The song is called Come Away and I feel like it’s message is absolutely relevant to where we are headed. Click here to be inspired and challenged to worship as if you are standing in the Presence of the Almighty. You are. Matthew 18:20 “For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them." It’s not too late!

 

Please understand I do not expect you, the reader, to just accept my list as complete. My hope is that you spend time searching for your own relevant applications. I would LOVE to hear how God is showing Himself to be relevant in your life! I know that He is. I believe it with all that I am. If you are not seeing Him…please let me know and I will pray for His revelation to become boldly evident to you. relevant church is praying for those of you out there that are reading this right now. Let us know the fruits of our prayers and/or how we can pray more specifically! After all, we are called to be Christ’s hands and feet!

I leave you with Colossians 1:3-6. “We always thank God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, when we pray for you, because we have heard of your faith in Christ Jesus and of the love you have for all the saints- the faith and love that spring from the hope that is stored up for you in heaven and that you have already heard about in the word of truth, the gospel that has come to you. All over the world this gospel is bearing fruit and growing, just as it has been doing among you since the day you heard it and understood God’s grace in all its truth.”

Watch out…relevant church is on the map! ;) relevant church is now alive. It has a heart beat. A heart that beats like it’s Heavenly Father. Curious? You should be!! Come and see what God is doing in a little community in Pennsylvania…that will someday soon have a huge impact on a world that is lost and broken. We believe that God is all together relevant and we are saying… “Why not use us?!”

Prayer = Last Resort?

Last resort?!?! Oh how many times this has 'seemed' to be true in my lifetime. I find myself in a pit. A pit that has a bleak outcome from my clouded point of view because I am focused on my circumstances. And I will hang my head and decide..."I guess I will pray. That is all I have."

All I have!?! Does that throw up a red flag? Does that make just a little bit of anger rise up from within the 'pit' of your stomach? It should. Don't feel as though I am comdemning my friend. I am right beside you. I am feeling guilty of such a thought. I thought it oh...yesterday...this morning. *sigh*

Question: What is prayer?
Answer: Talking with God. Not just TO...but WITH! It implies a conversation. A conversation in which there are two parties that respond to each other.

Have you ever been a part of a conversation in which you are purely the listener. Not because it was your place or your will...but because you
just.
couldn't.
get.
a.
word.
in.

Is that how your prayer life is? Always going on and on and on...but never waiting for the response. Never listening for the other side of the conversation you are having. Try it. Wait on God during your prayer. Seek your answers in His Word. Take those promises in the Bible and stand firm on them.

Question: What does Romans 8:28 have to say about your current situation/circumstance? (We need not be specific. Believe me...I could throw all of my current trials at you...but that would absolutely NOT change the reality of the following promise.)
Answer: "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."

This has been my saving grace lately. The fact that this verse says some most ALL, makes me breathe a sigh of relief. Yes sometimes I forget it. Yes some days I lose sight of it. Yes more often than I care to admit I need to be reminded. And yes I will secretly be rolling my eyes in my head when I am reminded and want to still be participating in my pity party. But the reality is that God has me. He holds me. He sees me. He hears me. He knows me intimately. And He is working. He is fighting for me.

I can see the wheels turning right now. They are going in my brain as well. "If you only knew what I was facing...you would understand why it is hard to trust this promise." Yep...sounds like the scheme of the enemy. he wants you to live in fear. he wants you to question the truth and promise from the only ONE who will never leave nor forsake us.

He sees your heartache. He sees the people who you thought loved you, fail at your unspoken expectations. Read here, one of my favorite ever written posts, more about those 'expectations' if you have a moment. It will hopefully inspire you to release your family and friends from being your all. They weren't meant to carry that responsibility...and they are not going to match up. Sorry if that is a shocker. I am not putting anyone down...just trying to help you to realize if you've been expecting the unrealistic.

NEWSFLASH!! Don't feel like for a minute that you are ineffective when you are going through trials. When you feel as though you are at minimum. You are no longer relying on your own strength, but instead on the muscles of your Daddy. He is big stuff, and He will use you when you are willing...not matter how weak you may feel. Be open to being used and be encouraged when He chooses you. He used mud. He used a donkey. And He can absolutely use you faithful one!


Question: What does your worship sound like?
Answer: This one is one that only you can answer. I am not asking you to sing for me. I am not asking you to rate your voice on a scale from tone deaf to extraordinary. I am asking you how you worship. Is it full of passion for your Savior? Is it full of emotion because it seems like all you have some days? Is it boring because you just aren't into it? Is it genuine?



My daughter (who will be 6 next week, gasp!) has been singing a lot non-stop lately. One day in particular while I was trying to concentrate I asked her to stop. Her response will send a dagger through your heart...it did mine. "I am just worshipping the Lord." Said without even a hint of sarcasm...she has not learned that trait from her mother yet. She said it innocently and matter-of-factly. Ouch..."So sorry, resume your worship session." *hangs tail between legs here*

The really amusing part of that story? That is me! I am the 'annoying' always and forever worshipper. I am always singing. Haha! How dare I try to squealch the very character that I myself taught her by my actions. Lesson learned. Moving on...







You are in charge of your worship walk. You are in charge of your prayer walk. No one else will answer for what you do or do not do. Don't worry about who is to your left or right. Just pray with your Father. Just sing to your Maker. Show Him how much you adore Him no matter what your 'pit' or projected outcome looks like. You can trust that His promise in Romans is to you, beloved. Start living like you are winning. Start speaking as though you are above and not beneath. Start loving like you are God's daughters and sons. Imitate your Father so that when people see your life they see Him!

Daisy...Oh Daisy

Ever feel like your every move is being watched?!? I feel like that every time I enter my barn. All the animals are planning their attack...I'm sure of it. Lol! (Chickens tend to freak me out the most. I would call myself scared cautious...mainly because my legs are longer than theirs. And I can flail and kick with the best of them.)

Did you ever walk into your barn...only to realize that your 500 lb pig is loose and waiting for you to leave the door open? Wait, what?! Is that a 'No' I heard? Huh...surprising! ;) Well that was my afternoon yesterday. First it was the discovery of a loose pig. (Don't let them fool you...they are strong. She has more strength in her snout to neck area...than I have confidence in my ability to deal with her.)



She's a sloppy eater! Pig! Bahaha!

Next was the issue of how to get her lured back into her pen...all by my lonesome. I decided I'd try to coax her with some yummy food. *!!Note to readers with a 500 lb loose pig...they are not impressed with carrots or celery. If they were...they might not be 500lbs.!!* ;) I did find some garlic bread that I had put in the fridge a few days (or 5) ago that clearly none of us liked...and boy was I relieved that that was all it took!

Last, was the whole "if she got loose once...she will do it again" problem. I figured my work was done...*shines nails on shirt here*. It was my husband's problem...right?

I then proudly proceeded to text my husband while he was at swim practice with my son...to tell him of my afternoon adventure. I thought he too would be pleased with my effort. (I very quickly regretted that decision.) His response back...was for ME to secure the door of the pen with a slab of plywood. He made it sound so simple.

That was so NOT the case! I can assure you it was anything BUT simple. The plywood chunks were either too large or too small. (I try to stay away from running electric saws and so forth. It is in everyone best interest if I do.) The 2x4's I decided to use already had nails in them...and proved to be another challenge. The only other nails I could find were 12 inches long. Okay...they were probably 2 1/2 to 3 inches...but it seemed like 12 while my arms were getting tired of hammering. I would get them to a certain point and they would bend. Again. And Again. And again.

At which point I reached my level  of frustration...that I became very intense, purposeful and surprisingly strong. Sucess! It was not at all pretty or "quality craftmanship"...but I had reached my goal. Pig secured.

I can make anything into a blog post right? Yep! That's my style.                                This => is NOT my style. Haha!

Have you ever gone through a rough patch in life? (If you say no I will beat you with... just scream I will not believe you!) You will get to the point of extreme frustration and you will have a choice. Choose to blow up and give up. (Been there. Done that. The pleasure of quitting soon fades...and harsh reality sets in.) OR you can choose to become intense to find God in your storm. You can be purposeful in each step and decision you make...always confiding in God as your Counsel. And guess what will happen...






STRENGTH that you didn't know you could muster up. Not by your might...but HIS! It is amazing. It will give you reason to sing when you feel the things around you crumble. It will give you a new fire for the Word of God. The passions that God has put in you will be awakened and alive again.

That is how my weeks have been. Full of song. Full of God. And gaining strength each day. I have chosen NOT to blow up and give up. How about you? Can I pray for you in your storm? If you can't see God in it...become intense. Look for Him in every situation. Every conversation. Every blessing. And then praise HIM! He deserves to be praised...and longs to hear your praise...and He loves you whether you do it or not. It is for YOUR benefit...and those around you. You might spark hope in someone else.


I want to be a sparkler for Jesus. Yes, I just said that. Corny...absolutely! But I am done holding back for the fear of being judged. I'm not writing for you (you know what I mean)...I'm writing for Him. If you are blessed...praise God that He cares enough about YOU to let you experience joy amidst pain. Start sparkling beloved. You are an heir to the Throne of Grace. Be proud of who your Daddy is!! =)