A Moment with Max (Day FIFTEEN-30 Day Challenge)

Have you ever found a person who loves you enough to passionately and fervently pray for abundant blessings for you? To pray fervently...what does that look like? What does it even mean? Don't worry...I looked it up for you. (Thanks goodness for dictionary apps! Lol!) To pray fervently is to pray with zeal. And to pray with zeal is to pray with "enthusiastic devotion to a cause or goal and to be tirelessly diligent in its advancing." Do you have a friend like that? Or a group of friends? A family? A spouse? Or maybe the better question...

Are YOU a person with a prayer life like that? Do you give God your requests? Do you tell Him about your day? Do you praise Him with enthusiasm because of what you've been through? Do you pray for blessings...like for real blessings...on those who are in your life? You can't live solely off the prayers of those around you...but combine your fervent prayers with one another's. Pray in unity. Pray with passion. Pray with compassion. Pray blessings on those easy to love AND on those who seem to be going out of their way to make it impossible. 

"Love must.be.sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another ABOVE yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving The Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, FAITHFUL in prayer. Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse." Romans 12:9-14 (emphasis added by yours truly)

Those verses above have so many key words that I see as vital to living a life that looks like Christ is actively IN it. I would love for you to get out your favorite Bible right now and underline or circle anything I have italicized. But just as I wrote about the other day...knowing, is not enough. It never has been. I imagine it is almost frustrating to God. He finely gets through to us. He gives us divine revelation...and we ignore. He inspires words that have the ability to set us free...and we stay devastated in our self-constructed prison of comfort. Wait a minute. Hold.the.phone. When was prison ever designed to be about comfort?! Prison is punishment. And we are freed from the things that once held us captive, in Jesus Name! So WHY STAY THERE?

How many times have you read this passage of the Bible? How many times have you let it go in and not committed and not commanded that it change you?! How many times will it take? I pray that THIS is the time when you refuse to stay in the prison of comfort that leaves you less than God desires for you to be. Every time you've read it before was planting that seed that got ripped out by the enemy in a fleeting thought. Or it got choked out by the weeds that he immediately planted. I do not believe in coincidence. I believe that all things are done with intent. Intentionally commit, this day, to reading these verses until you see yourself actively LIVING THEM!

Let's go back now, to finding out what a 'for real' blessing is. What constitutes a blessing? They can come in so many sizes and forms, that I couldn't possibly give you a list. What I can tell you...and what I absolutely LOVE...is that blessings from God are incredibly specific. There have been times when Go-Gurt and a bag of apples brought me to tears because it was a timely blessing from God. Or socks, underwear and shoes. You see those things as a necessity maybe. You may say that God simply took care of my children's 'needs'. That is your perspective. That is your choice. But I will tell you that my kids already had many pairs of socks, shoes and underwear. But they didn't have new. I did not say they needed new...but I wanted them to have new. So I simply told God. I did not beg. I did not pray for God to provide...but He did. Blessed.

I just spent two days being blessed by God in many forms. Whether it was a simple cup of hot coffee or a slice of cheesecake...I knew that these were the blessings that had been prayed for and prophesied. You see I received a text a few weeks ago that proclaimed that God had abundant blessings coming my way. I waited with anticipation. Not anxious...but instead excited to see what God had in store. What would He choose this time?

God kept blessing. Through words of encouragement. Through songs of worship that spoke straight to my circumstance. Through snacks and meals. Each one leaving me more grateful than the one before. And then. Then, He chose a blessing that still leaves me in tears when I think of it. It was evident that God had a plan yesterday morning. It was an incredibly specific blessing that left me almost speechless....but definitely in AWE OF MY GOD!

Yesterday when I woke to write; I was so sleepy. I had laid my head down less than five hours before my alarm dared wake me up. My iPad screen was sooo SOOOOOO bright in the absolute darkness of my hotel room. (It was like trying to open my eyes up really wide while going through a brightly lit tunnel late at night. If you are picturing that in your head right now...you should be laughing. It really is one of the funniest things to me!) That is what I looked like when I began yesterday's post. I couldn't even write for several minutes because I had to adjust. I made coffee...and now I was already starting behind. Gahhh! 

I wrote until it was my turn for the shower. After I was all fancied up and beautified for the day...it was time to pack up and leave for breakfast. We decided to go to the hotel's restaurant so that I could finish my writing while I still had access to wifi. Then we saw the line for breakfast. Ugh. 

Change in plans. 

We went back to the room so I could quickly finish...and hit publish. Ahhh done! We loaded up and headed down the street to the parking garage to drop off our luggage. There was a small dispute as to which way we should go from the garage. Go back the way we came and are more familiar with in this city we don't KNOW, or go a different way that appeared like it could be right. 

We chose the more familiar path.

That path would lead us right by a Tim Horton's so we could hopefully get some breakfast and coffee! But we later found out we weren't the only ones with that idea. As we are walking towards this line of women that was reaching out past the sidewalk and to the edge of the street...I noticed someone walking towards the us. He was alone and there was something familiar about Him. The three ladies that were walking with me across this bridge all had their own idea about this man. One of the girls thought that possibly this was a state senator walking towards us because he was dressed in a blazer on a Saturday morning. Another also noticed his blazer and his shoes...he had nice shoes she thought to herself. The third was saying in her head...'Vanesa why are you walking up to that man. Stop. What are you thinking?!'

But I knew exactly who this man was who was approaching us. This man will never know that his desire for a 'cup of Timmy's'...was God's fulfillment of abundant blessings to me. I walked over to him like a crazy stalker and said, "You are Max Lucado." He responded, "Yes I am."

Do you see how many things had to go just as they did for that moment to happen? The timing had to be just as it was.
Had we eaten in the hotel...I would not have met him.
Had we taken the other route to the convention center...I would not have met him.
Had he not wanted a cup of Tim Horton's coffee...I would not have met him.
Had there not been a massive line of women that prevented him from that coffee...I would not have met him. (Thank you...every single caffeine obsessed woman who prevented him from his cup of Timmy's. SERIOUSLY...thank YOU!!)
I am in puddles (of tears) at how far God went out of His way to show me that He loves me. So much that He blessed me in a way sooo specific...I can't help but sit in awe.

Max was born into this world just as we were. His choice to follow Christ boldly and confidently, to where ever God leads, is what has gotten him where he is. God has blessed Max abundantly in his ability to connect with people with his style of writing. God requires much of him because of all that He has entrusted within the heart of Max. 

I don't see Max as an unreal icon. I don't place him on a pedestal or shrine. I don't make him out to be an idol that I worship. I was not star struck because of his accomplishments. 

I WAS in awe of my God. I WAS thankful because...

I was there in January of 2001, when I sat alone on a plane, terrified of what God was going to require of me. I wanted God's will for my life. I knew I had to cling to His will. But I had no idea what it was going to look like. I had to fight to want to know and follow that will. I had to be willing to pray...'God I'm ready to know. I'm scared...but I'm ready. I will follow you where ever you lead and flee from whatever you steer me away from.' 

I was there when I first opened the cover of devotional about God's love...written by Max Lucado.

I was there when my tears fell at the revelations God was placing over lies I'd believed for years.

I was there when my fear of God's will, transitioned to faith, in the living room of my aunt's house in Colorado Springs.

I was there when I had the conversation that I had once been terrified of. The conversation that, for the first time proved to me, that I really would do anything required...to be right smack in the middle of God's will.

I was there when God gave me back the desires of my heart because of my obedience during that time of tremendous growth, in doing the devotional written by this man of God Max. 

I was there in December of 2001, when I held my lifeless 11 week old son in my my hand.

I was there when I faced disappointment after disappointment and needed to know that I KNEW God loved me even when I couldn't feel it.

This devotional, Embraced by God, was a life changer. Not only for me...but for my husband. He gave up a girlfriend in fear for that month back in 2001...and got back a wife with a heart seeking God's character. This devotional was the transition in my passion to write. I finally had purpose to write. Eternal purpose. I don't think I fully understand the will and the path that God has set before me. But I welcome it. I walk in it by faith. I know that God sees where I am and where I end up...and I trust His heart to guide mine. 

I pray this post somehow reaches the desk of Pastor Max Lucado. And when it does...
- I want you to know, Pastor Lucado, that your time with me was God ordained...and such an abundant blessing to me. I was speechless then...but I am clearly not at all now. If there was ever any one person I would want to thank in this world, and wouldn't know how to...it would be you Max Lucado. I was just one of the hearts that you were fighting for when you tried countless times to enter into this world an author. And once you did...the true Author of your words was intensely evident! Thank you for your continued obedience to write what the heart of God speaks. I am forever changed because God chose you to follow Him and you accepted. I will say just as you said to me on that bridge in Rochester, NY...'Keep writing!' This world craves audacious faith!

Star Eyes Started It All

I remember it fairly well. I was in fourth grade. My assignment was to write a fictional story. Mine was titled, "Star Eyes". If I remember correctly...mine was longer than most everyone else's. Lol! Hard to imagine huh? I even drew a sweet picture of the main character of my story, a clown who went by the name, you guessed it, Star Eyes. I had worked hard on constructing every last detail of my story. I even typed up (using the slow and steady two finger punch method) the final draft. The day had finally come that we would see our scores.

I don't remember the details well...but I do remember my teacher being very encouraging. I remember her praising me in front of the class for a well written story. Satisfaction in my accomplishment felt good. I loved to write...and just needed a little boost to know that I was on my way down the correct path.

Mrs. Robb was my teacher's name. Therese I am told is her first name, although I doubt I would ever be comfortable calling her that. Lol! Once your teacher...always your teacher. I do not think she has any idea the impact she had on my life. Could I still be where I am without her speaking those words of encouragement over my silly story? Of course! I serve a Mighty God...but I am who I am because of the paths that I took. Some of them paths that I chose, and some that were chosen for me. God used her when I was young and unsure, to spark the passion that was within my fingertips.

When I sat down to read over and edit this final draft of my blog post today I saw something very cool. Of course I just have to share it with you. That's my style. Lol!

Below is a picture of the note that was sent to my mom after my year with Mrs. Robb. You don't have to strain to read it. I will highlight what I am referring to.

 The last line reads as follows, "Keep up with the writing." I about cried when my mom found this in her keepsakes box. Those words were part of God's plan. And the written word means the world to me. As I have always said...it provides proof. You can read it and reread it as often as you want.

The other cool thing. Keep in mind...I was writing this post yesterday. I just didn't have the time...with 6 kids and all...then taking my four to VBS...to finish. So when I sat down to edit today...and noticed that her note was written on June 4th exactly 21 years ago...I laughed. Isn't God just too funny! I've been meaning to write this post for a while now. I finally sit to do it....and I just happened to pick the same date that she picked back in 1991. Ha-ha!

Anywhoo...I loved to write stories...so I kept on writing. Most of them fiction. Of course high school came after elementary school was over...and that is where I used my writing for myself. I wrote notes back and forth to all my friends. Sometimes writing funny things. Sometimes embarrassing. Sometimes claiming my love's (I use that term loosely...as I was clueless as to what 'love' really entailed). Sometimes gossiping. Sometimes being hilarious (did I say that already?). ;)

Next came my one year at college. I went undecided. I chose a major that I was not at all passionate about, nor interested in. While I was borderline drowning in a sea of uncertainty and confusion...I decided to take one English Composition course. It proved to be a huge challenge for me. I thought my professor was harsh on my papers. (He wasn't. It was just a plot of the enemy to try to keep me silent.) I am a comma queen and so when he would mark my paper with his red pen I didn't see it as constructive. I let it destroy my confidence a bit. Down the road a bit though, God had me revisit my college papers. This time when I read the comments, I realized that he was trying to make me a better author. My favorite assignment of the semester was to write an autobiography. I had one friend, thanks Pam, who looked forward to reading the newest chapter each week. (I am not sure if it was because my life was sooo interesting...or because I was sooo stinkin' funny. Sooo, I am going to go ahead and say BOTH! Bahaha!)

After my year was over I decided not to go back to school. I was unhealthy while I was there...and I was paying (still paying) for a major that I was not passionate about. What did I WANT to be when I grew up? AGH...I had no idea. I knew I really really really wanted to be a mom. Other than that...nada.

It was in this year after college, that my writing became a tool. A tool with a divine purpose. I began doing a devotional by Max Lucado and it changed my purpose forever. God spoke to me through my written words. I would get chills when I would read the things that He was saying to me. I would write prayers for different people...just as if I was having an actual conversation with God. (Hence the name of my blog. Pages of Prayer was a God breathed name. I knew it as soon as He spoke it to me.)

I continued to do different devotionals after I finished the first one. (It was called Embraced by God...get it! I have bought and given away several copies for only $4.00 on Amazon.com. That includes shipping!)  I was also reading books by some powerful Christian non-fiction authors...and underlining all the things I wanted to remember. Later I would journal about them. I would share them here and there...but most of them were left unseen.

Then the day came when God told me to begin this blog. You should read my first couple of posts if you haven't already. Those were the days that God began to use my writing to reach out. I figured I would reach my family. Maybe some close friends that would feel guilty and want to support me. What I didn't expect was to see how many countries, all around the world, would be viewing my little blog. I am constantly humbled when I see a new country represented. God is so amazing!

I know that God has an even bigger and greater plan for my passion to write for Him. I am starting to get a little glimpse of His plan...and it makes me anxious. Not in a bad way. I am not at all nervous...I am anxious as in I just want it to come to be...today! Haha! I am being patient while actively pursuing. Is that possible? ;)

I feel satisfied when I write. I feel joy when I write. I feel comfortable when I write. I feel powerful when I write. I feel blessed when I write. I feel humbled when I write. I feel loved when I write. I feel complete when I write for my King. It is my most intimate time with Him...and I wouldn't change my love for it.

I know how much the written word means to me. And I pray that someday this post finds the way to Mrs. Robb's desk. I want her to know that she made a difference. I want her to know that God used her words to stir up something in me that would play a vital part in my future in Him. I want her to know that she played a role in my calling. It wasn't something extravagant or extraordinary. It didn't take an impossible amount of effort. Just simple, spoken words.

So to Mrs. Robb, thank you for your kind words. Thank you for believing that I had something special. It may have taken me until I was almost 30 to truly fall into my calling to write...but you were step one in the road there. I am not sure if most of your students will take the time to tell you about the impact you had. But know that in Heaven...I will be one of them in a line...waiting to tell you all the places God took me because of His strategy that started with you. KNOW that your sacrifice was noticed. KNOW that your salary here is no match for your reward in Heaven. KNOW that you were/are loved by your students and staff. And KNOW that God wants you to finish strong. Keep speaking words of life to those around you now.

Let this be shout out to teachers/leaders/workers/parents/families everywhere. Speak life into the children you are surrounded by. Ask God to speak through you. You can help mold the life of a young child. You can have an affect that will sow into their adulthood. And maybe, just maybe someday...you will hear about it. Or read about it. Or see them succeed and know that God used you.

Encourage. Pray. Smile. Praise. Choose your words carefully. Little ears are not only listening, they are hearing what you say. Make your life worthy of imitation because the Author of your words is into raising up His sons and daughters.

Want To Be Different?

Being different can be a wonderful thing. Just ask my beautiful daughter Ariel. I always say that she is in a league of her own. I love everything about her! The picture above is a day that I decided to test out the continuous picture taking setting on my camera. I'm in love! I just asked her to be silly and make whatever faces she wanted. This is one of my favorites! (And the outfit...also one of my favorites. She picked it all on her own. Shocker!)

The 'being different' that I am referring to is not the 'going against the flow' kind of different. While there is absolutely a time and place to go against the flow of sin that surrounds you...I have a different kind of different in mind. =)

Growing up I would've considered myself to be a shy person. I remember a time when I went to the meet the band, Mylon LeFever & Brokenheart. (Anyone out there remember them?!) Before going backstage with my aunt who worked for them, she made me promise that I would talk to them. Cross my heart and hope to die...I promised. I was fairly young at the time. Old enough to remember...but young enough that some of the band members picked me up and passed me around the circle talking to me. I stood motionless. My face...like a stone. My voice...unwilling to cooperate with my previous pinky promise to my aunt. I am not sure that I ever even smiled. I just didn't realize that they would all seem sooo big to such a little girl!

We stayed for a short time...and then walked back out to where the concert would be held. As soon as we were out of sight I gushed with the thrill of what I had just experienced.

My words...

"That.

Was.

Awesome!"

I didn't shut up for several minutes. Until my aunt asked..."What was that?! You said you were going to talk!?"

Shy. I was just shy. And for years...I disliked that I was like that. I was timid. I was quiet. I was easily intimidated. I wanted desperately to be different. I saw people that were more outgoing. I saw people who were more confident. I saw people who easily made friends wherever they went. And I wanted to be like them. I was tired of being nervous and unsure all the time.

Years later...the day came that God changed my outlook. It was through the words of a dear friend while we were sitting at her house with our babies. God had a divine appointment for me that day and I know that it has changed me for life.

Her words were simple. "You know what you are? You are meek." In my head I am sure I was sighing...I KNOW! I hate that I am weak. The next part though...it was the powerful part of her statement. "Meekness is a trait of Christ!"

Finally I understood that meekness and weakness are not synonomous. I was only weak if I allowed myself to be lied to by the whispers of the enemy. It had worked for years...and God has just revealed the truth. The enemy and his lies now sat naked before me. Unveiled. Uncovered. Conquered by the obedience of God's daughter. (Miss Erin...you probably never knew what you helped unleash in me that day! Grateful doesn't even begin to describe how thankful I am for your willingness to share what God spoke to you.)

I would still say I am shy at times. I am still easily intimidated. But I am confident in Christ. I am a powerhouse of prayer and I love to use it to unveil the enemy. I love to leave him naked before someone else who has just caught him red-handed.

Powerless. He is without power if his lies aren't believed. If his deceit isn't bought. If death isn't feared. If sickness is healed in Jesus name...what else does he have? He has to constantly come up with new ways to try to bring me down, because I am just going to keep praying for his unveiling. I am no longer the one who fears...but the one to be FEARED! And that makes me cry and laugh all at the same time!

For those of you who might not know, my husband is the worship leader at our church. I am one of the lead worshippers. (I am not putting myself above any other team member. Let's be clear on that!) I am saying that when I am on the stage every Sunday morning...I do not see myself as a part of a show. It is never a concert. It is a group...leading worship by example. All of us up there are lead worshippers. (Even some of the congregation fall into that category...right from their very own pews. Their intimate time with God is an encouragement to the worship team! We see you...and it helps inspire us in our calling!) When I am praising and worshipping through song, I am approaching the throne of grace with confidence. I only get nervous of singing infront of people...when my focus gets shifted. When I remember Who I am singing to...there is nothing to fear...and everything to gain!

I would have to say though, that I am most confident when I write for my King. I love to see what God will use to make His point known. Sometimes it is my silly children. Sometimes it is my own life experiences. Sometimes it is nature. But each post (with the exception of the few silly ones)...comes from my intimate time with God. His strategy is unlike any other. (Thank goodness for that! Life would be boring if we had only our little pea brains to rely on!)

So how would you answer the question..."Do you want to be different?" My prayer is that you realize that God designed you. He made you unique because He has an individual plan for your life. It is unlike anyone else's. There are people that are reached for the Kingdom because they see compassion in the tears of a stranger. There are people that are reached for the Kingdom because someone loved them enough to persistently pursue their salvation. There are people that are reached for the Kingdom because someone is willing to write a book based on what God has brought them through.

God didn't make us from a cookie cutter. Celebrate your divine calling. Find out what it is. Ask. Seek. Listen. Don't let another day go by that you listen to the lies of the devil. You are here, right now, to know God more intimately in YOUR life. Be still with Him. Your life will never be the same as the day that you accept exactly who Christ designed you to be. And that my friend...is a wonderful thing.

Be content in everything...except how much you know about Christ!

Be willing to be different if God asks you to be a peculiar people. (We are! I mean really...look at those faces. Covered in dirt (Atleast I hope it is dirt...you never know about these kids raised on a farm. Lol!)...covered in Ring Pop...and still loving life! I take lessons from them on how to be content with little.)

Otherwise...celebrate your life just as it is!! Be happy with where God has placed you. Utilize your God-given abilities to be effective for eternity. Share your testimonies of God's goodness to whomever He leads you to! If you are meek, those around you may think you are weak. The enemy may think you are weak. But, oh, how lovely it will be to prove them wrong. Haha!

Rise up you lioness...rise up! Christ has called you for His purpose. Are you ready?! I'm excited...because I've been waiting!!