I love it when I 'get' it!

I had a wonderful, peaceful start to my day. I had a lot that I 'planned' on getting done before company came this morning. It didn't all get done...and I didn't care. (That is not normally the case!) I woke up...deciding that I wanted to do my devotions real quick. 'Real quick' turned into over an hour...and I was loving every minute of it. I will share some of the verses that God planted in my heart at another time. It was so fun. It was refreshing to enjoy God that much. It was wonderful to be inspired to share what He revealed to me.

I felt led to read a chapter out of this book I had been lent months ago. Feeling guilty that I hadn't even read a word of it...I brought it out with me. I cried as I read exactly what God wanted me to know. I knew that these words would have helped me over the past few weeks...but I am so thankful that I chose to be obedient today.

The words of author challenged me to rethink how I view God. How do you view His physical appearance? I generally view Him as being fairly old. Maybe not a full head of white hair...but definately salt and peppered. =)

His point in asking...was to bring a different perspective. We know that God does not follow the rules of humanness. He is not affected by time. He does not wither. He does not fade. He is youthful. He is full of life. He is vibrant. He is wise. He is sharp.

So, I am changing the view of God in my head. I want to serve a God that is ALIVE. And I do. I want to serve a God that is strong. And I do. I want to serve a God that is not frail. And I do.

The following are some pictures that I took over the last few months. They are random..and in no order. I just thought I would share my family with you. =)

Blog inspiration? Sometimes. Haha! This particular day...he was just in the way. Lol! Him being a great dane...there aren't many days that he ISN'T in the way. ;)

She still has the touch to put our little Levi to sleep. She will be such a good mama some day.

       This is what Levi does everytime Eric plays guitar. He is always standing next to him...watching. And when he thinks that daddy isn't looking...he tries to play it himself. I absolutely love it! I want my kids to love worshipping through music as much as we do!

Love the colors in this shot. I just wish she didn't always have dirt on her face. Lol!

Love that smile! And the tall grass surrounding him....priceless!

 I took this picture of our barn on the way back from one of our walks. Eric was so excited...we are going to frame it for the house. I love to take pictures that eventually end up on the wall!

 He was refusing to smile...and yet I love the outcome of this photo shoot. I took many many many...and finally he started being a ham. We even took turns making silly faces at each other for the camera. Notice...those didn't make it to the blog homefront. Haha!

I realize this shot is blurred...and has a wierd shadow. But the face...I couldn't resist! You can't help but to smile at that face!

Aiden's kindergarten graduation. He was the lion...and I am so glad that I videotaped it...his roar was the best!! =)

I'm so in love with you!

I hadn't ever seen the sun look like this before. Or maybe it was that I just don't pay attention much. It looked like it was reflecting on water....when in reality this was the sunrise one morning...over my neighbor's house. I love to catch a glimpse of God's glory!

My Journey Through 7 Pregnancies-Part Three

It is now the year 2004. We were still a bit scared to try to have a baby, but we decided maybe it was time. Afterall, it had been over 2 years since our night in the Emergency Room. I had made it through the first year successfully without any cancerous tumor forming. I made it through the next, with days of sadness and anger. Finally, we were semi-trying to have another baby. Still very cautious. Still very doubtful that it would happen. But, that promise gave us hope.

A few months went by. Then a few more. No positive tests. When had gone from conceiving quickly, to not able. Each month marked another disappointment. Each month just a bit more bitter. We soon found out that my husband's grandmother was not given much more time to live. Our lives got put on hold. The thoughts of having a baby were now not constantly on our minds. Our energy was focused on being there to see her. Being there to surround her with family.

One day my husband got a call from his mother. If wanted to talk to her...we had better come quickly. We all sat on her floor, surrounding her bed...waiting to hear each word that she spoke. Some of them didn't make much sense. Some of them made us cry. But there were two that I will not forget. She awoke and just like every other time she woke...we asked if she wanted us to get her anything. At this point, she wasn't eating or drinking anything. So her response was always 'No'. This one time however, she said yes. We waited, wanting to do anything we could for her. When we asked what she wanted. She responded..."More grandchildren."

We all just kind of laughed. It was just like her. She was waiting for more great-grandchildren. Then she said that someone in the room was pregnant. We all laughed again, pointing the finger to everyone else. No one fessed up to it. But she insisted.

A few days later was her funeral. My mother-in-law was the rock that everyone leaned on at the passing of her mother. God gave her a super-natural strength that day. That night my husband and I were walking through the store and all of a sudden he got a very thoughtful, puzzled look on his face. I asked him what was wrong..and he said.."You are late." I have heard those words so many times in our years together. (I am a late person by nature. And he...is ALWAYS early!) But this time, they were packed with a whole new meaning. I knew exactly what he meant. I had no idea. Who had time to think about such things when faced with such tragedy. And just then...the evening after his grandmother's funeral...we found out it was us she was talking about. We were going to have another baby.

What now? How long do we wait to tell people? We have been there..done that...and been burned. Twice. How long do we wait to fall in love again?

We stood on the side of caution this time. Not going crazy with the amount of people we told. Asking immediate family (and maybe a best friend) to pray! Pray that this would be the child we had been promised. Pray that this pregnancy would be smooth and without complication. And that is exactly what God did.

Aiden Damon Knapp was born on May 7th, 2005. He was perfect. He was healthy. He was ours! God was faithful. God was with us. God gave him to us at the exact time that we would be blessed beyond our imagination. God gave me my son the day before Mother's Day. God brought friends into our lives because of the timing of that pregnancy. God led us to a church when we were desperately searching, because of the timing of that pregnancy. God had a plan....and I am so in love with it!

When you doubt His hand...it just doesn't make sense. HE is all-knowing. HE is all-powerful. HE is omni-present. HE is beginning. HE is end. And....HE is all that lies within. Trust His precious hand. Trust His pure heart. Trust His eternal, always best for you, plan for your life. It is worth it...always!!

A side of guilt please...

I didn't order that...but that is what I got. I didn't realize that this would be a part of my healing process from my recent ankle surgery...but it surely is. Guilt. That I didn't get enough done beforehand. That I am not doing enough now. That I am not helping. That I am accepting help. That I am wishing I didn't have dogs. That I am happy when someone takes my kids for a few hours...because atleast then I can sit for more than 10 minutes at a time. Ugh!

So, I decided that instead of continuing to let it rack up. I would just write about it. I would let God teach me something through this. Because right now...it is hard. And I am just sad.

So what am I learning. Boy...people are really stepping up. My family and friends are surrounding me with things that I need. And even some things that I want. (Um...like dessert.) People are doing my laundry. People are doing my dishes. People are taking my kids. People are dropping off meals. People are doing chores in our barn. People are helping me wrap my very huge, probably stinky ankle with fresh bandages. People are praying for my recovery. And I am learning....

I am surrounded by wonderful, Godly people.
I am surrounded by Christ-like servants.
I am surrounded by prayer warriors.
I am surrounded by generosity.
I am surrounded by people that love me.
I am surrounded by people that genuinely care.
I have awesome friends.
I have an awesome church family.
I have a beautiful, wonderful mother!
I have a husband willing to help me in just about any way possible.
I AM BLESSED!

I do not believe that these feelings of guilt are from God. So, I dismiss them tonight. Right now. I am on my way to recovery. I on my way to a healthier me. I am on my way to being even more in love with Christ. And I have no room for guilt. It has no place in my heart!!

If you feel like this pray with me. And know that I am praying for you. I may not ever know it...but I am praying for hearts that are so full of guilt...that they don't see the blessings God has given to them. Say it with me...."There is no room for guilt in my heart. I am a daughter of the King. He will fill my heart to overflowing with HIM if I will just get out of His way!"

His mercy is new every morning!

I have been kind of dreading tomorrow...for a few weeks now. I was nervous. I was scared. I was unsure. Today...God spoke right to me. I was reading a daily devotional...and it was exactly what I needed. (L-O-V-E that!!)

You see, tomorrow morning I will be having surgery on an ankle that I injured 7 years ago. Before I had any children. I have never been put under anesthesia...and I have never had an incision that goes half way up my calf. I haven't had to do much 'recovering'....with a large family to take care of. But, I am about to.

Today, the devotional was talking about the 'backdrop' off life. And how the backdrops may change...but that we are forever people. Each 'backdrop' can showcase something positive if you are looking for it. If you hold Christ dear to your heart...this world is not your own. You are just passing through. Your home is in Heaven. That puts things into perspective. The next 6-8 weeks...are so minor and temporary compared to my eternity. I want to celebrate God...every day!

So, please pray with me. Pray that God will be my Protector. Pray that God will guide the hands of my surgeon. Pray that God will be with my home. Pray that God will make the work of my husband...light. Pray that God will be the strength of my husband. Pray that God will give us a peaceful home of rest. Pray that God will give me a speedy, and painless recovery. And pray that I will see Him...through every morsel of His goodness to me.

Praise God that He doesn't give up on us. That he gives us opportunity...after opportunity to listen to His voice. I love when I finally 'get it!' =) Have a blessed day all!! Hey...I guess I will have a lot of time over the next few weeks to write to you. Lol...that is positive thinkin' right there!

Jesus loves the little children

I was up late last night reading a really good book. This is not a statement I often make. And I haven't made it in a long time. Well, let's see...my oldest just celebrated his 6th birthday. So...yep that sounds about right...6 years ago! Haha!

Anyway, my aunt let me borrow this book. I highly recommend it. It made my heart so happy to read one specific chapter about this little boy meeting a special little girl in Heaven. Having three babies of my own that are already there...it was another step in my road to complete acceptance in God's plan for my family.

The chapters that I was reading last night were about the love that Jesus has for little children. The boy in this book, recalls the night that he went to Heaven and met Jesus. What was his most resounding claim to his parents?...'Remember, Jesus really loves the children!'

We have all heard that we are to have faith like a child. (Mark 10:15 "I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.") We've heard that Jesus loves the little children and that we are not to turn away children that want to come to Jesus. (Luke 18:16 "But Jesus called the children to him and said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.) But...what does that mean in our daily life?

One thing it means to me. Children's ministries...are worth the effort. I am on the outreach team at my church...and that is what we talk about the most. I am now realizing why it is on my heart. They are not an inconvenience. They are not a chore. To be like Christ...you must see children through his eyes. They are a treasure. They are innocent. They believe without proof. They are untainted by life. They aren't ruled by past disappointments. When they pray...it is simple. God will take care of it. Oh how I long to be more like my children and their unwavering faith!

Another thing it means to me...Jesus hears the prayers of a pure heart. A heart that believes what the mouth speaks. A heart that doesn't have doubt. A heart that doesn't worry after the prayer is spoken. A heart that expects. When my children pray, I see results. I ask them to be my warriors in prayer...ALL THE TIME! I asked my son yesterday to have his Kindergarten class pray for Levi to drink so that he would not have to be hospitalized for his dehydration. I know that God loves to hear from his children. I know he loves to hear the prayers of a believing heart. And, as I expected, God heard. God listened. God answered. I praise God that I understand His lessons through my childrens prayers.

One more thing. Children love. They are born loving the people that they are surrounded by. They don't know the 'rules' that we have set up for ourselves. They don't care about stature. They don't care about position. They don't care about monitary status. They love. I think that is another reason that Jesus loves them so much. They are the most like him. They love as unconditionally as they know how. And as each year goes by...the conditions stack up. Watch your children...learn to love like they do. Teach them to love like Christ...by example.

Parenting...the hardest thing I have ever done! I understand the huge responsibility I have taken on. I see how they watch me. I pray that I am doing all that I can to teach them to be like Christ. And I pray that I continue to take the lessons that they teach me...and apply them to my walk. =)

Feeling grateful?

Today...I am feeling grateful for the people that God has put in my path. I am sure that you have similar feelings if you sit and think about it. Who do you count on? Who do you call when you need prayer? Who always brightens your day? Who extends a hand when you are in need?

What do you do about it? My suggestion....tell them. Tell those that mean so much to you...that they mean so much to you. Tell your doctor that you appreciate him/her, and how carefully they listen to you. Tell your husband how much you appreciate all that he does for your family. Tell your children how much you enjoy spending time with them...and how grateful you are that God entrusted them to you. Tell your pastor that he is speaking right to your heart. Tell your neighbor that you appreciate their patience with your dogs chasing theirs through their yard, and barking, and...oh wait...maybe that is just me. Haha!

I am about to do this very thing. You see, our doctor is sweet. She is gentle. She is calming. She is reassuring. She is patient. She is compassionate. She is knowledgeable. She is kind. She is always smiling. She is strong. She is confident. She is understanding.

And she said words that meant so much to me...when I really needed to hear them. "You are a good mom." Words that I did not take lightly...in all that I was going through at that time. Words that lifted my Spirit, when I felt like I was at rock bottom. Words that spoke to my mountain...and to my deceiver who was whispering the opposite to me.

I appreciate her! I know that God knew that I would need her. I am so blessed to know her...and to entrust my family to her care. Today...I am going to tell her! How about you? Who are you grateful for? What keeps you from telling them? Writing...that is how I am going to express my gratitude. Because then she can read it as often as she needs. To reassure herself that..."She is a good doctor." =)

Funny how God knows!

Isn't it amazing how sometimes when you pray...God answers so differently than you expected? Not in a bad way...just not what you were thinking. =) I realize that sometimes I don't even realize it was an answer.

I prayed that God would get me some help. Soon my van broke down. Doesn't seem like it..but it was an answer to my prayers.

I prayed that God would help me find a new internet provider that wouldn't cost so much. I now have no provider...and yet here I am. Blogging for free. Answer to prayer.

I prayed that God would give me words to speak. That they would come faster than I could write them down. He flooded my mind with His thoughts of power over the enemy. And this Saturday I will share them at the women's conference. Answer to prayer.

I prayed for one child. That I could carry to full-term. That I could hold, and love. I have four answers to that one!! =)

When you pray to God...do you always see His hand move? Do you see how He always knows best? Do you see how He knows what is to come...and He does what is best for His child? Do you thank Him...even if it doesn't seem like the most favorable answer?

What are some prayers that you had answered...that you didn't see as good at first? How did God change the way you think? How were you blessed by your obedience? Do tell!! =)