Forgiveness

Oh my...what a concept. Forgiveness! Ugh...the number one tool to keep Christians at war with each other. The enemy is good, but God is greater.

The enemy tells us that it is our right to get revenge.
God says He will handle it.

The enemy tells us that we should make them suffer for what they have done.
God says to turn the other cheek.

The enemy tells us that we have a right to hold their wrong-doings against them.
God says forgive and forget.

What a God we serve! He gives grace when we refuse. He shows mercy when we hold onto harsh emotion. He extends love when we harbor anger. Aren't you so glad that we are called to be like Him...instead of each other? Wow...what a world of difference a bit of perspective makes huh?

Prayers are appreciated!

Hey bloggers! I know it has been a while....and believe me, I am more bummed than you! So here is my plea. God provided internet for me for months, and the last few I have not been able to find a spot in my house where it works! So I would much appreciate your prayers. This blog means SOOO much to me. I love to write. I love to hear what people think. And most of all...I love to glorify God with the gift He has given  me. I am praying...pray with me!

My Journey Through 7 Pregnancies-Part Four

It has been a while since I have written about my pregnancies. And I feel God telling me it is time again. So here I am. Tired. Not wanting to be awake. But happy to be writing. =)

After the birth of my son Aiden, I had no idea if I would have more children. God had sent a promise to me that I would carry a child to full term. A child. Meaning one. But in my heart...I knew that I wanted more than one. And I was hopeful that God would meet the desires of my heart. I also knew that I would be incredibly thankful for the one He had already given me!

So, when Aiden was around 9 months old, we decided to try again. We conceived right away. That was never the issue...it was staying pregnant that we had problems with. We were a little timid to fall head over heels in love with this child. Hesitant to tell anyone. I wanted to tell everyone I saw...but I had to respect my husband's wishes to wait until I was farther along.

As time went on, Aiden eventually began to walk. That is the point in which we decided we had made a mistake. Haha! We couldn't keep up with him...and couldn't imagine having a newborn with a busy 1-1/2 year old. Too late...I KNOW! =O

So my pregnancy progressed well. During this time, I begged Eric (for months) to choose baby names. I was not successful. I had to find a new doctor for this baby because my lovely, Christian, prayer-filled doctor had taken her family and moved to Arizona. =( I lived closer to Titusville at this point...so I decided we would try the closest hospital to our location. I went through the labor process fairly quickly with my first child, and baby #2 was due on December 5th. If you live in Northwestern Pennsylvania you will know why it is a bit scary to be due in the winter and have to drive. S-N-O-W! If you don't live in the "snow-belt" like I do...LUCKY! Haha. I would never choose to live here if I didn't love my family so much. (xoxo)

I had another wonderful pregnancy. I had made it past the dreaded 16 week date. I had gotten the same mixed reactions about us having another baby. I was going to my last 'weekly' appointment before my daughter's due date. It was lovely outside. So beautiful for the first of December. We were on the way to our doctor's office and we decided that we should take our hospital bags that we had packed and stop at our old house to get the infant carseat (thank you God!). I stood up to get out of the car...and my water broke. If you have never experienced it and always wished you had...you missed nothing. Haha! It was a disgusting feeling...and I am so glad I wasn't around anyone else when it  happened.

So now instead of the doctor's office...we were on our way to the hospital. As we were driving, I finally had Eric alone and since I would be sure to deliever a child in the next 24 hours, I figured he would HAVE to help me choose our final names for this baby. (This is a common trend you will notice through the rest of my pregnancies. Very frustrating!) He pulled out a boy's name that wasn't even on my preferred list...and I LOVED it! We also finally had a first AND middle name for a girl. (Again with this pregnancy...we didn't find out what we were having. LOVE IT!)

As we were walking into the hospital I suddenly became very embarrassed of my jeans that were SOAKED at this point. Every step made the issue worse. I told my husband that I needed his lined flannel coat to wrap around me so that I wouldn't be so embarrassed. He gave it up with a bit of hesitation. When we were packing up to come back home a few days later...he instructed me to leave it there in the trash because he would never wear it again after it had 'womb juice' on it. Haha! He still doesn't let me forget this was his favorite coat. STILL! I did convince my mom to buy him a replacement this past Christmas. It was only a 4 year turnover. Good things come to those who wait. Lol!!

I got to my room and they checked to 'be sure' it was my water that broke. As if I could pee myself...and continue to pee everytime I walked and not know. Seriously...there was sooo much of it. Gross! It WAS my water...and so in bed I sat. Waiting. Feeling totally fine. Waiting for something to happen.

Finally my contractions started. They weren't too bad until about 8pm. I remember the time well because we had been watching tv since we got there. TBS was our channel of choice and all afternoon and evening we had been seeing commercials for School of Rock which was on that night at...you guessed it...8pm. Eric made several remarks about how he had been wanting to see it. I was quietly and calmly breathing through my contractions when it finally came on. The music that starts the show...was not at all helpful to calm me. He took one look at me...put his head down as if disappointed...and turned the tv off. Haha! Poor him huh? I'm about to push out a baby...and he missed his movie. *rolling eyes here* Lol! (To make it worse....he spent the first night with me in the hospital. The next night he took our son home and slept there with him. That Saturday night I was alone in the hospital with a sleeping newborn...so what was I to do? If you ever watch movies on TBS you know that they usually feature the same movie all weekend. So what was on at 8pm that Saturday night? SCHOOL OF ROCK...baby! I watched it alone. Bahahaha! Another thing he will never let me forget.)

About an hour later she was here. Ariel Alexis was born on December 1st 2006. She was 6 pounds 12 ounces. Just a peanut! My firstborn was just two ounces shy of being 2 full pounds heavier. I was so very incredibly happy to have my daughter. I had had her first name picked out since I was a little girl. I would have been so disappointed if my husband would not have agreed.

She grows more beautiful each passing day. Her personality is one that makes me smile, cry, roll my eyes, laugh, and continue to love. I wouldn't change one single thing about my beautiful baby girl! I just love the heck out of her. =) And to make things even better, her and I were having a conversation about Heaven the other day. I was praying for a family who had just lost their baby to a tragic accident. She asked if that baby was in Heaven. I said ABSOLUTELY! Next she asked how she could know that she was going to be there too. I explained it...we prayed...and she was filled with joy. Almost as much as I was. =D

God heard my cries. He heard my pleas to have another baby. He loved me sooo much..that he gave me my daughter. I am forever grateful for His faithfulness. I am forever grateful for His perfect plan for my life. I am forever grateful for His provision. I am forever grateful for His perfect love for me and my beautiful family. I believed...and He showed up...and showed off. =)

Blessed

I am not even sure where to begin.

I am blessed because of who my Father is.

I am blessed because of who God gave to me as a husband.

I am blessed because I have 7 children…4 of which I get to hug and kiss daily, and 3 that have already made it to Heaven. Praise God!!

I am blessed because I live in a place where I can speak about God to anyone, anytime, anywhere.

I am blessed because I can praise God through song.

I am blessed because I can worship God through my writing.

I am blessed because I have Jesus in my heart, and I talk to Him all day long.

I am blessed because I am surrounded by powerful women of God, who love me.

I am blessed because I get to be used my God as often as I allow.

I am blessed because God provides for my needs…and He cares about some of my wants even. (Like a new van…and a latte here and there. =)

I am blessed because I have friends that love me through the best and worst of times.

I am blessed because my mother has a wonderful, caring, generous spirit.

I am blessed because I get to spend time with grown-ups.

I am blessed because my kids love me.

I am blessed because I am a prayer warrior.

How about you? Why are you blessed. Sit down and think about it. You will be amazed at how good God is to you. Tell Him. Brag about Him. Picture Him smiling as He reads it. You, my friend, just made His day. =) What a wonderful thought!!

Healing is simple and yet complex

I know I know...that title doesn't even make sense. I will explain. Some people don't even like to talk about God's healing. They are leary of it. I tend to be one of those people. Who doesn't just trust every person that crosses my path that says they hear from God. I sense in my spirit that some people may not be relying fully on the power of God. I am not meaning that they are relying on powers from the enemy...but instead that they may be mixing a bit of themselves in with what God is doing. I recently had an experience that was NOT at all like that.

A man named Jeremy Gall came to our church. He and his wife are passionate about the lost and broken. It was refreshing to see people that love the lost so much that they are willing to travel wherever God leads, to bring them to know their Father. And the broken that needed healing...it was as simple as praying in the name of JESUS. There is power in that name!

Simple for us. Just ask. Believe. And wait on God.

The complexity is on God's end. To take someone who is hurting or broken in some way...and to heal them. It is not complex for Him...but for our brains to wrap around...that is another story. He designed our bodies. He created each to function as it does. He knows exactly what to do to make it whole again. Simple...yet complex. Confused yet? Haha...stay with me. I have an exciting testimony of His goodness. Read on...

So, what is my story? (You should've known I had one. Come on...you should be used to this by now. Lol!) My story is about my migraines. Migraines that were due to hormones...something I can't control. Migraines that were coming every day for 13 out of 30 days in a month. Migraines that put me on my couch covering my eyes from the light...wishing that someone was there to take my kids so I didn't have to hear or smell them. (I know that sounds awful for a mother to say. I am just being honest. Because you know if you have ever had a migraine that the sensitivity to light, smell and sound are for real!) Migraines that brought my lunch back up. Migraines that put me on pain medications that made my brain feel warm. And finally migraines that caused my doctor to recommend I be put on a daily maintenance medication that messed with my head. I couldn't form complex thoughts. I had to think really hard if I wanted to make anything other than meaningless small talk. I was slow. I was frustrated because I could tell I was struggling to speak...and I couldn't make my brain work any faster than it was. I felt useless.

When I knew Jeremy was coming to our church I asked God to make it clear to me if I was to seek healing on that day. The night before he and his wife were coming to our church, I got a very late text then phone call from my brother. He needed prayer...and I was happy to be able to pray with him. The problem...I was on medication. I was trying to form my thoughts quickly...but I could sense the long pauses inbetween thoughts...and I was getting frustrated during my prayer. Then...as I was praying I felt as if the room were spinning. So I opened my eyes...and sure enough...the room was racing around me. It was spinning out of control...and I was having even more trouble concentrating. That was my sign. Time to get healed...and stop taking this medicine. I am a prayer warrior...I can't be in a spinning fog and be effective.
 There is nothing special to Jeremy...except the Almighty God that He serves. No offense intended to Jeremy! ;) That is something that he himself would tell you. I knew in my heart that God was going to heal me in some way. I just wasn't sure how or when. So when I felt Him say August 14th was my day...I was hesitant. Finally the time came for people to go to the altar area if they desired God's healing. I went. I waited my turn. And it was simple. "In Jesus name, migraines GO!" Nothing else was needed. Now it was up to me to have faith.

The medication that I was on to prevent the migraines from coming, was the type that you have to slowly work up to the full dosage amount. I am assuming you must do the same when getting off of it. I had such faith (not bragging...really, just wait...I will prove myself a fool in a bit)...anyways...such faith...that I stopped taking the medication that day. No nightly dose. The next morning, no pills with breakfast. And I prayed that God would protect me from any adverse effects that going cold turkey on this medication would likely produce. Now I had to wait. Wait to see if the migraines would come. Wait to see if the effects would come. Each day I was hopeful...but not as confident as I should've been.

It was easy to write that I was healed. But much different to speak it. Doubt began to creep in. Slowly. I didn't tell people that I knew I should have. God reminded me of what He had done...and I still kept silent. Ugh! Why did I do that? How annoying! How insulting that must have been to Him. My faith that I was healed began to fade. Maybe it was just me thinking it was my time. But the effects never came. Then last week...the test.

I woke up with a massive headache. Was it a migraine? Or just a headache? I waited to see if the sensitivities came. Sure enough, they did. Had my doubt, my disbelief brought on a migraine? I felt defeated. I felt guilty. I felt ashamed. I layed on my couch...covering my eyes...sad. Later I was talking to my dear friend Rachel...and she encouraged me to continue to believe I WAS HEALED. It was what I needed to give me a little boost. It prepared me for what was to come.

My son Aiden comes home from school that day. He is excited to show me this huge piece of paper. His class had written a prayer that day...and he wanted me to read it. I was busy so I told him that was great...and I pushed it off until later. The next day I saw the paper folded up...and decided I should read it so I could tell him how great it was. God's strategy goes into place here....

Here was this huge piece of paper...written all over with yellow marker, with prayers and praises from first graders. And the simple words that God needed me to know..."We thank you for healing Aiden's mom." I cried. (Shocker!) Doubt vanished. Faith stood strong. Proud. Ready to fight!

Psalm 103 is my chapter for today. It is a bit long...but I have to share it with you. If you needed healed...let verse 3 begin your prayer. What could be better than to pray God-inspired words?

Psalm 103-1 Praise the LORD, O my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name.2 Praise the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits-- 3 who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, 4 who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion,5 who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.6 The LORD works righteousness and justice for all the oppressed.7 He made known his ways to Moses, his deeds to the people of Israel: 8 The LORD is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. 9 He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever;10 he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. 11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him;12 as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. 13 As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him; 14 for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust.15 As for man, his days are like grass, he flourishes like a flower of the field; 16 the wind blows over it and it is gone, and its place remembers it no more. 17 But from everlasting to everlasting the LORD's love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children's children-- 18 with those who keep his covenant and remember to obey his precepts.19 The LORD has established his throne in heaven, and his kingdom rules over all. 20 Praise the LORD, you his angels, you mighty ones who do his bidding, who obey his word. 21 Praise the LORD, all his heavenly hosts, you his servants who do his will. 22 Praise the LORD, all his works everywhere in his dominion. Praise the LORD, O my soul.

I praise God because I am fearfully and wonderfully made...and He knows every inch of me. He knows how to heal me. He knows how to make me whole. He changes my life everytime I allow Him. I stand amazed at how great my God is! My God is Healer!! =) Now, I must speak it with my mouth. Pray for me won't you?

Is God doing this to me?

If it is not good...it is not from God. God does allow things to happen to us...but He is not the cause of them. satan is out to seek, kill and destroy us...remember? God will use the enemy's firery darts to make us stronger. He will be with us through every step of it. He is always rooting for us to succeed. He is always waiting for us to call on His Name. He is always waiting for us to utilize the power that He has given us.

When you are in the midst of your 'storm'...do you sometimes not recognize Jesus? Do you feel as though you are in this fight alone? I can assure you...that is never the case. That is lie from the enemy. he wants you to feel alone. he wants you to feel powerless. he wants you to feel ashamed.

Maybe you are focusing on the pain and not the Power. Maybe you are focusing on yourself and not the Father. Maybe you feel as though no one else seems to care about what you are going through. Maybe you aren't even taking the time to look for a solution. Maybe you are so engulfed in how much you are hurting...that is seems as if it would take to much energy to fight. If so....you are right where the enemy wants you. Relying on your power. Relying on your cimcumstantial evidence. Relying on your wisdom. Relying on your solution. Relying on your self. And when you continue to feel as though you are failing...it is easy to play the blame game.

It is natural to blame God when something happens that seems to shake you to your core. But we are called to going against our natural instincts. To be a new creation in Christ. This means trusting Him when you feel as though you are being suffocated by your 'storm'. Taking slow deep breaths until you don't have to think to breathe any longer. Trusting His heart when you can't see His hand.

Soon I will be writing about my storm. I will be writing about God's plan. His strategy that was unlike mine. His provision. His protection. His faithfulness. His love...never ending...and perfect. I pray that you are ready to receive!

Have a good weekend all. Spend time with the ones you love...and that includes your Maker! =)

And then we have emotions...

Emotions. They can be a helpful tool for ministering...and they can be my worst enemy. People respond, people open up when they can see how much your heart aches for them. I know that God designed me. I know that my emotions can be used for His glory and His purpose. I also know that the enemy can use what God meant for good...and put his own ugly spin on it. Ugh...what a brat huh? ;)

Here is a visual for some of the emotions I am about to list. =)

Below are some of the emotions that I associate with some of my times of great pain.
Sadness.
Anger.
Sorrow.
Joylessness.
Resentment.
Lack of zeal.
Darkness.
Frustration.
Weeping.
Envy.
Depression.
Despair.
Lost.
Lifeless.
Alone.
Awkward.
Unwanted.
Left-out.
Without hope.
Thoughts of death.
Fear.

But how great is my God...that he conquered each and every one of those emotions. He brought me through them victoriously. He had me look satan in the face and say..."I always win! You will not defeat me! Get behind me. Stop tormenting me though _____________ (fill in the blank with whatever emotion you are feeling that is not of God)!"

Pure joy! Innocence. Happiness. Love. Trust. Faith like a child...untainted and complete!

One of my favorite new songs is Our God by Chris Tomlin. Make it personal. Read these words about your God...outloud. Feel the power that they hold!

My God is Greater!
My God is Stronger!
My God You are Higher than any other!
My God is Healer!
Awesome in Power! My God!

Don't let your emotions run your life. Speak to your mountain. Command it to move in the Power of Jesus name. Don't settle for emotions that are not from Christ.

You should not feel shame. You should feel forgiven In Jesus' name.
You should not feel broken. You should feel whole in Jesus' name.
You should not feel depressed. You should feel joyful in Jesus' name.
You should not feel resentment. You should feel compassion in Jesus' name.
You should not feel lifeless. You should feel blessed to live another day with Jesus in your heart.

Have a blessed day all! I am so blessed and so excited to be using my gifts for the glory of my powerful God! He alone is worthy to be praised!!